>> Jon: WELCOME BACK!
ANYWAY, ABOUT THE DEBATE.
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING FOR YOU.
WE'VE SEEN THE CORRESPONDENTS.
WE'VE MET EVERYONE WHO WORKSHERE.
AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDPROBABLY SAY SOMETHING.
SO MAYBE ONE LAST TIME, MAYBE ALITTLE-- IF YOU WANT TO-- MAYBE
A LITTLE CAMERA THREE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )BULLSHIT IS EVERYWHERE.
( LAUGHTER )ARE THE KIDS STILL HERE?
( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )
WE'LL DEAL WITH THAT LATER?
BULLSHIT IS EVERYWHERE.
THERE IS VERY LITTLE YOU WILLENCOUNTER IN LIFE THAT HAS NOT
BEEN, IN SOME WAYS, INFUSED WITHBULLSHIT-- NOT ALL OF IT BAD.
GENERAL DAY-TO-DAY FREE RANGEBULSHIT IS OFTEN NECESSARY,
OR AT LEAST INNOCUOUS.
OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BABY.
I'M SURE HE'LL GROW INTO THATHEAD.
THAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IN MANYWAYS PROVIDES IMPORTANT SOCIAL
CONTRACTS FERTILIZERS AND KEEPSPEOPLE FROM MAKE EACH OTHER CRY
ALL DAY.
BUT THEN THERE'S THE MOREPERNICIOUS BULLSHIT, YOUR
PREMEDITATED INSTITUTIONALBULLSHIT DESIGNED TO OBSCURE AND
DISTRACT.
DESIGNED BY WHOM?
THE BULLSHIT TALKERS.
COMES IN THREE BASIC FLAVORS,ONE, MAKING BAD THINGS SOUND
LIKE GOOD THINGS.
ORGANIC ALL-NATURAL CUPCAKES.
BECAUSE FACTORY MADE SUGAROATMEAL BALLS DOESN'T SELL.
PATRIOT ACT, BECAUSE ARE YOUSCARED ENOUGH TO LET ME LOOK AT
ALL YOUR PHONE RECORDS ACT,DOESN'T SELL.
WHENEVER SOMETHING IS TITLEDFREEDOM, FAIRNESS, FAMILY,
HEALTH, AND AMERICA, TAKE A GOODLONG SNIFF.
CHANCES ARE IT'S BEENMANUFACTURED IN A FACILITATE
THAT MAY CONTAIN TRACES OFBULLSHIT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )NUMBER TWO, THE SECOND WAY,
HIDING THE BAD THINGS UNDERMOUNTAINS OF BULLSHIT.
COMPLEXITY-- YOU KNOW, I WOULDLOVE TO DOWNLOAD DRIZZY'S LATEST
MEEK MILL DIS.
EVERYONE PROMISED ME THAT THATMADE SENSE.
( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )
BUT I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTEDRIGHT NOW IN READING TOLSTOY'S
iTUNES AGREEMENT, SO I'LL JUSTCLICK "AGREE" EVEN IF IT GRANTS
APPLE PRIMA NOCTAE WITH MYSPOUSE.
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE-- SIMPLY PUT,SIMPLY PUT, BANKS SHOULDN'T BE
ABLE TO BET YOUR PENSION MONEYON RED.
BULLSHITLY PUT, IT'S-- HEY,THIS.
DODD-FRANK.
HEY, A HAND SM OF BILLIONAIRESCAN'T BUY OUR LEXINGTONS, RIGHT?
, OF COURSE, NOT, THEY CAN ONLYPOUR UNLIMITED ANONYMOUS CASH
INTO 501-C4 IF THE 50% IS THEVOTED TO ISSUE EDUCATION
OTHERWISE THEY'D HAVE TO 506-C6IT OR FUNNEL IT OPENLY THROUGH
A NON CAMPAIGNE COORDINATINGSUPER PAC WITH A QUARTER-
"I THINK THEY'RE ASLEEP NOW.
WE CAN SNEAK OUT."
( APPLAUSE )AND FINALLY-- FINALLY, IT'S THE
BULLSHIT OF INFINITEPOSSIBILITY.
THESE BULLSHITTERS COVER THEIRUNWILLINGNESS TO ACT UNDER THE
GUISE OF UNENDING INQUIRY.
WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE WEDON'T YET KNOW EVERYTHING.
WE CANNOT TAKE ACTION ON CLIMATECHANGE UNTIL EVERYONE IN THE
WORLD AGREES GAY MARRIAGEVACCINES WON'T CAUSE OURCHILDREN TO
MARRY GOATS WHO ARE GOING TOCOME FOR OUR GUNS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )NOW, THE GOOD NEWS IS THIS--
BULLSHITTERS HAVE GOTTEN PRETTYLAZY, AND THEIR WORK IS EASILY
DETECTED.
AND LOOKING FOR IT IS A PLEASANTWAY TO PASS THE TIME LIKE AN "I
SPY" OF BULLSHIT.
I SAY TO YOU TONIGHT FRIENDS THEBEST DEFENSE AGAINST BULLSHIT IS
VIGILANCE.
SO IF YOU SMELL SOMETHING, SAYSOMETHING.
( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.