The Colbert Report
Intro - 7/31/07
Season 3 • 07/31/2007
Stephen wonders if Alberto Gonzales will be sentenced to a round of golf with Scooter Libby if he's found guilty of perjury.
The Colbert ReportS3 ThreatDown - Scottish Surgeons
Thanks to Scottish surgeons, the only way America can protect its ports is by crossbreeding dolphins with Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Solidarity
By hiring the homeless to picket for them, carpenters are protesting low wages and no benefits with low wages and no benefits.
The Colbert ReportS3 Pollution Immigration
Polluted air from Asia, or "kung fumes," are taking away emphysema-related deaths from hardworking American pollutants.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 7/30/07
In this episode, Stephen suggests a new picketing strategy for unions, looks at botulism in our chili and interviews Chicago Tribune's Beijing Bureau Chief, Evan Osnos.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Special Prosecutor
Stephen argues that if Alberto Gonzales believes what he is saying, then technically, it's not perjury.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sport Report - Barry Bonds
Stephen defends Barry Bonds' alleged drug use, gambles his money away in the Saudi Arabia and Iraq soccer game and talks about a racing greyhound that's named after him.
The Colbert ReportS3 Rupert Murdoch Purchases The Wall Street Journal
Stephen wonders if Rupert Murdoch has instead taken over Reuters, who were first to report the story.
The Colbert ReportS3 Wrist Violence Epidemic
Stephen continues to attack films that show wrist violence and calls on Hollywood to stop showing such acts.
The Colbert ReportS3 Smokin' Pole - Arc! Who Goes There?
Now is the time for America to deploy its undersea army of hermit crabs to fight back Russia from claiming the North Pole.
The Colbert ReportS3 Kathleen Kennedy Townsend
Kathleen Kennedy Townsend explains how the Christian Right has shrunk God and made America not care about the common good.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 7/31/07
In this episode, Russia lays claim to the North Pole, Democrats accuse Alberto Gonzales of perjury and guest Kathleen Kennedy Townsend talks about what happens when you mix politics and religion.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - College Credit
Stephen is all in favor of a new system of charging higher tuition for certain college majors and has some additional ideas of his own.
The Colbert ReportS3 When Animals Attack Our Morals - Hollywood Pigeons
Stephen recommends that Hollywood stop putting their pigeons on the pill and start teaching an abstinence-only curriculum.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 8/1/07
Stephen thinks an infestation of pigeons is Michael Bay's latest summer blockbuster.
The Colbert ReportS3 Dr. Jerry Vizzone
The master of the metacarpals, Dr. Jerry Vizzone, joins Stephen to talk about wrist violence.
The Colbert ReportS3 Michael Beschloss
Michael Beschloss explains why historians don't immediately judge history as soon as it happens.
The Colbert ReportS3 30-Minute Anniversary
Stephen wishes the Nation a happy 30-minute anniversary, but wonders where his present is.
The Colbert ReportS3 Farewell Ingmar Bergman
Stephen bids farewell to legendary Swedish filmmaker Ingmar Bergman.
The Colbert ReportS3 Michael Behe
The father of intelligent design, Michael Behe, joins Stephen to explain his role as the Albert Einstein of Charles Darwin.
The Colbert ReportS3 ThighMasters for the Troops
Stephen is appalled that the defense department would undermine our troops' self-confidence by sending them ThighMasters.
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