The Colbert Report
Intro - 7/31/07
Season 3 • 07/31/2007
Stephen wonders if Alberto Gonzales will be sentenced to a round of golf with Scooter Libby if he's found guilty of perjury.
ThreatDown - Scottish SurgeonsThe Colbert ReportS3
Thanks to Scottish surgeons, the only way America can protect its ports is by crossbreeding dolphins with Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff.
The Word - SolidarityThe Colbert ReportS3
By hiring the homeless to picket for them, carpenters are protesting low wages and no benefits with low wages and no benefits.
Pollution ImmigrationThe Colbert ReportS3
Polluted air from Asia, or "kung fumes," are taking away emphysema-related deaths from hardworking American pollutants.
Intro - 7/30/07The Colbert ReportS3
In this episode, Stephen suggests a new picketing strategy for unions, looks at botulism in our chili and interviews Chicago Tribune's Beijing Bureau Chief, Evan Osnos.
The Word - Special ProsecutorThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen argues that if Alberto Gonzales believes what he is saying, then technically, it's not perjury.
Sport Report - Barry BondsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen defends Barry Bonds' alleged drug use, gambles his money away in the Saudi Arabia and Iraq soccer game and talks about a racing greyhound that's named after him.
Rupert Murdoch Purchases The Wall Street JournalThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wonders if Rupert Murdoch has instead taken over Reuters, who were first to report the story.
Wrist Violence EpidemicThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen continues to attack films that show wrist violence and calls on Hollywood to stop showing such acts.
Smokin' Pole - Arc! Who Goes There?The Colbert ReportS3
Now is the time for America to deploy its undersea army of hermit crabs to fight back Russia from claiming the North Pole.
Kathleen Kennedy TownsendThe Colbert ReportS3
Kathleen Kennedy Townsend explains how the Christian Right has shrunk God and made America not care about the common good.
Intro - 7/31/07The Colbert ReportS3
In this episode, Russia lays claim to the North Pole, Democrats accuse Alberto Gonzales of perjury and guest Kathleen Kennedy Townsend talks about what happens when you mix politics and religion.
The Word - College CreditThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is all in favor of a new system of charging higher tuition for certain college majors and has some additional ideas of his own.
When Animals Attack Our Morals - Hollywood PigeonsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen recommends that Hollywood stop putting their pigeons on the pill and start teaching an abstinence-only curriculum.
Intro - 8/1/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen thinks an infestation of pigeons is Michael Bay's latest summer blockbuster.
Dr. Jerry VizzoneThe Colbert ReportS3
The master of the metacarpals, Dr. Jerry Vizzone, joins Stephen to talk about wrist violence.
Michael BeschlossThe Colbert ReportS3
Michael Beschloss explains why historians don't immediately judge history as soon as it happens.
30-Minute AnniversaryThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wishes the Nation a happy 30-minute anniversary, but wonders where his present is.
Michael BeheThe Colbert ReportS3
The father of intelligent design, Michael Behe, joins Stephen to explain his role as the Albert Einstein of Charles Darwin.
ThighMasters for the TroopsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is appalled that the defense department would undermine our troops' self-confidence by sending them ThighMasters.
Intro - 8/2/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen warns his monkey viewers that the father of intelligent design will be joining him on the show.
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