The Colbert Report
The Word - The Audacity of Nope
Season 5 • 01/29/2009
We don't need a stimulus package filled with handouts -- we need one filled with balls.
Philippe PetitThe Colbert ReportS5
Philippe Petit isn't courageous -- he's following his passion.
Call 1-877-SEAN-930The Colbert ReportS5
If you're offended by Holocaust deniers call 1-877-SEAN-930.
Intro - 1/28/09The Colbert ReportS5
The House passes the $800 billion stimulus plan. China, could we interest you in a slightly used Oregon?
Countdown to Atomic Disaster - The Wing-AgeddonThe Colbert ReportS5
Watching the Super Bowl without a plate of chicken wings is like making love without a plate of chicken wings.
Goodnight Illinois Gov. Patrick QuinnThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen says goodnight to Illinois Governor Patrick Quinn.
Intro - 1/29/09The Colbert ReportS5
All 177 House Republicans say no to Obama's stimulus package. Shh! Don't tell them they don't control the House anymore.
Sport Report - Chicken Wing Spokesman Richard LobbThe Colbert ReportS5
Richard Lobb has advice for the man who has to choose between frying chicken wings and educating his kids.
John PodestaThe Colbert ReportS5
John Podesta believes that in the last nine days Barack Obama has shown he can make progress.
Rod Blagojevich Is ImpeachedThe Colbert ReportS5
Rod Blagojevich is impeached even after appearing on all the talk shows.
The Word - The Audacity of NopeThe Colbert ReportS5
If Republicans can't have a perfect bill to stimulate the economy, they'd rather have no economy at all.
So Long, FarewellThe Colbert ReportS5
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night.
The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay ActThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen will now have to discriminate under the table, which will be difficult, since that's where he usually does his harassing.
Nailed 'Em - Amtrak PhotographerThe Colbert ReportS5
Amtrak police arrest a man because he's taking pictures for their photography contest.
It Could Be Worse - IcelandThe Colbert ReportS5
Iceland is a frigid rock in the middle of nowhere that has gone bankrupt and gone gay.
Intro - 2/2/09The Colbert ReportS5
The government collapses in Iceland, or as it will soon be known thanks to global warming, Landland.
Dan ZaccagninoThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is angry with Dan Zaccagnino for allowing Indaba Music users to remix his interview.
Henry Louis Gates, Jr.The Colbert ReportS5
Henry Louis Gates, Jr. says Abraham Lincoln was always against slavery, but he wasn't a fan of black people.
All the Show We Have Time ForThe Colbert ReportS5
Fortunately, it's also all the time we have show for.
Colbert Platinum - Ass-Covering EditionThe Colbert ReportS5
If you really want to convince people you're dead, you need to actually die.
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