The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 08/10/2009
Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich make up and expose death panels in the health care bill.
Intro - 8/6/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen reviews the movies that are destroying America and talks to Meryl Streep about her role as Julia Child.
Yahweh or No Way - Dinosaur Adventure Land & Black Market KidneysThe Colbert ReportS5
The founder of a creationist dinosaur theme park refuses to pay taxes, President Obama may be a secret Mormon, and a Jewish man trades kidneys on the black market.
Back to School With JeremihThe Colbert ReportS5
Chicago Public Schools officials appoint Jeremih, the guy who sings "Birthday Sex," as their new back-to-school spokesman.
Movies That Are Destroying America - SummerThe Colbert ReportS5
"G.I. Joe" helps the French, and "Orphan" doesn't go far enough in reversing the harmful stereotype that adoption is good.
Barbara BoxerThe Colbert ReportS5
Barbara Boxer's new novel, "Blind Trust," is about a liberal California senator involved in a scandal, but it's not a veiled confession.
Intro - 8/10/09The Colbert ReportS5
Vladimir Putin returns to the spotlight, and Stephen interviews Barbara Boxer with deaf suspicion.
Cold War Update - Cuba & Topless PutinThe Colbert ReportS5
Obama stops a pro-democracy ticker, Cuba runs out of toilet paper, and Vladimir Putin goes topless on his Siberian vacation.
Sign Off - EncoreThe Colbert ReportS5
It can't be the end of the show, so Stephen's going to stick around and see if he does an encore.
Better Know a District - Maine's 1st - Chellie PingreeThe Colbert ReportS5
Chellie Pingree doesn't have to explain why Portland has the nation's third largest concentration of women living together -- it's just hot.
Death PanelsThe Colbert ReportS5
Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich speak out against death panels even though they don't appear in the health care bill.
Stephen's Driving Tips via Twitter ServiceThe Colbert ReportS5
After Stephen learns how dangerous texting while driving is, he starts his new Driving Tips via Twitter service.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Betty LichtensteinThe Colbert ReportS5
Betty Lichtenstein gives herself a fake award at a phony banquet for being the best pretend nurse.
Yes We Afghan - James CarvilleThe Colbert ReportS5
James Carville campaigns for Ashraf Ghani in Afghanistan's upcoming presidential election for the opportunity -- not for the money or opium.
Sign Off - Prevent Forest FiresThe Colbert ReportS5
Only you can prevent forest fires by getting rid of forests.
Intro - 8/11/09The Colbert ReportS5
Afghanistan prepares for Bring Your Rocket Launcher to Work Day, and Jonathan Cohn explains why America's having a health care crisis.
Jonathan CohnThe Colbert ReportS5
According to Jonathan Cohn, the health care crisis forces even middle class Americans, who play by the rules, to choose between bankruptcy and medical care.
Americans Sacrifice Their iPodsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen saves the environment by donating his old iPod to an endangered mountain snail.
Intro - 8/12/09The Colbert ReportS5
Americans speak Glenn Beck's mind at town hall meetings, and Mark Johnson spreads peace through music.
Who's Not Honoring Me Now? - Obama, NRA & Teen Choice AwardsThe Colbert ReportS5
Barack Obama awards the Medal of Freedom to Sidney Poitier, the NRA recognizes Sarah Palin for gun collecting, and Joe Jonas steals Stephen's idea at the "Teen Choice Awards."
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