The Colbert Report

Intro - 10/15/09

Season 5 • 10/15/2009

Stephen taps into the youth culture and ask them how to turn off his iPhone.

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00:09

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Should Have Put a Ring On It

If you liked tonight's show, then you should have put a ring on it.
10/14/2009
04:24

The Colbert ReportS5
Yahweh or No Way - Legislation Prayers & Fake Shroud of Turin

Special interest groups pray on issues like health care, and an Italian scientist makes a fake Shroud of Turin look like Cher with a mustache.
10/14/2009
04:50

The Colbert ReportS5
The RZA

The RZA wants everyone to know that the truth shall set you free from all things.
10/14/2009
02:23

The Colbert ReportS5
Pat Roberts Warns Against Health Care Box Canyon

Pat Roberts is concerned that health care reform is full of spending quicksand, cactus tax hikes and policy briar patches.
10/14/2009
07:39

The Colbert ReportS5
The Obesity Epidemic - Amy Farrell

Amy Farrell believes the American government is misguided when it focuses on the obesity epidemic.
10/14/2009
01:22

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Stephen Unveils a New Portrait

Stephen unveils his brand new portrait on the four-year anniversary of The Colbert Report's first episode.
10/15/2009
05:09

The Colbert ReportS5
Tip/Wag - Coal Lobbyists, George Takei & Crispycones

A coal lobby represents non-existent Americans, George Takei threatens the sanctity of game shows, and Crispycones are too easy to eat.
10/15/2009
03:29

The Colbert ReportS5
The Mayo-lution Will Not Be Televised

Stephen responds to Miracle Whip's advertising campaign with his own extreme ad for mayo.
10/15/2009
06:53

The Colbert ReportS5
Jerry Mitchell

Thanks to Jerry Mitchell's investigations, four people have gone to jail for crimes they committed in the civil rights era.
10/15/2009
01:50

The Colbert ReportS5
The Money Shot

Just in case you didn't get enough of that hot stock exchange session, Stephen has the uncut version on DVD.
10/15/2009
00:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 10/15/09

The Dow hits 10,000, Stephen taps into the youth culture, and Jerry Mitchell investigates unsolved crimes from the civil rights era.
10/15/2009
05:26

The Colbert ReportS5
Cornel West

Cornel West criticizes Barack Obama out of concern for the poor and working class people.
10/26/2009
05:48

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell

The petition signers who want to overturn the "everything but marriage" bill should be able to stay in the closet that the gay people have abandoned.
10/26/2009
05:21

The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Get a Job

Once you get a job interview with Stephen's celebrity endorsement, you'll want to grow a mustache.
10/26/2009
03:13

The Colbert ReportS5
George Will's Long Tie

Stephen has to restore balance to the universe after George Will starts wearing long ties.
10/26/2009
00:15

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Don't Move

Don't move so Stephen can always remember you staring at him.
10/26/2009
04:05

The Colbert ReportS5
Colbert Platinum - Harvard Billionaires & Red Diamond SUV

Harvard produces the most billionaires, and a Russian car company releases a diamond-encrusted SUV with whale penis leather interior.
10/27/2009
00:27

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Goodnight?

Brian Cox will be on tomorrow, unless this is a rerun.
10/27/2009
00:33

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 10/27/09

The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.
10/27/2009
04:57

The Colbert ReportS5
Gail Collins

Gail Collins describes the last 50 years of progress made by American women and the new issues they face today.
10/27/2009
01:44

The Colbert ReportS5
George W. Bush's Motivational Speech

Stephen would have loved to attend George W. Bush's "Get Motivated" seminar, but he couldn't afford the $4.95 admission fee.
10/27/2009
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