The Colbert Report

Intro - 10/15/09

Season 5 • 10/15/2009

Stephen taps into the youth culture and ask them how to turn off his iPhone.

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00:09

Sign Off - Should Have Put a Ring On It
The Colbert ReportS5

If you liked tonight's show, then you should have put a ring on it.
10/14/2009
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04:24

Yahweh or No Way - Legislation Prayers & Fake Shroud of Turin
The Colbert ReportS5

Special interest groups pray on issues like health care, and an Italian scientist makes a fake Shroud of Turin look like Cher with a mustache.
10/14/2009
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04:50

The RZA
The Colbert ReportS5

The RZA wants everyone to know that the truth shall set you free from all things.
10/14/2009
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02:23

Pat Roberts Warns Against Health Care Box Canyon
The Colbert ReportS5

Pat Roberts is concerned that health care reform is full of spending quicksand, cactus tax hikes and policy briar patches.
10/14/2009
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07:39

The Obesity Epidemic - Amy Farrell
The Colbert ReportS5

Amy Farrell believes the American government is misguided when it focuses on the obesity epidemic.
10/14/2009
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01:22

Sign Off - Stephen Unveils a New Portrait
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen unveils his brand new portrait on the four-year anniversary of The Colbert Report's first episode.
10/15/2009
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05:09

Tip/Wag - Coal Lobbyists, George Takei & Crispycones
The Colbert ReportS5

A coal lobby represents non-existent Americans, George Takei threatens the sanctity of game shows, and Crispycones are too easy to eat.
10/15/2009
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03:29

The Mayo-lution Will Not Be Televised
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen responds to Miracle Whip's advertising campaign with his own extreme ad for mayo.
10/15/2009
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06:53

Jerry Mitchell
The Colbert ReportS5

Thanks to Jerry Mitchell's investigations, four people have gone to jail for crimes they committed in the civil rights era.
10/15/2009
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01:50

The Money Shot
The Colbert ReportS5

Just in case you didn't get enough of that hot stock exchange session, Stephen has the uncut version on DVD.
10/15/2009
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00:34

Intro - 10/15/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Dow hits 10,000, Stephen taps into the youth culture, and Jerry Mitchell investigates unsolved crimes from the civil rights era.
10/15/2009
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05:26

Cornel West
The Colbert ReportS5

Cornel West criticizes Barack Obama out of concern for the poor and working class people.
10/26/2009
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05:48

The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell
The Colbert ReportS5

The petition signers who want to overturn the "everything but marriage" bill should be able to stay in the closet that the gay people have abandoned.
10/26/2009
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05:21

Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Get a Job
The Colbert ReportS5

Once you get a job interview with Stephen's celebrity endorsement, you'll want to grow a mustache.
10/26/2009
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03:13

George Will's Long Tie
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen has to restore balance to the universe after George Will starts wearing long ties.
10/26/2009
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00:15

Sign Off - Don't Move
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't move so Stephen can always remember you staring at him.
10/26/2009
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04:05

Colbert Platinum - Harvard Billionaires & Red Diamond SUV
The Colbert ReportS5

Harvard produces the most billionaires, and a Russian car company releases a diamond-encrusted SUV with whale penis leather interior.
10/27/2009
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00:27

Sign Off - Goodnight?
The Colbert ReportS5

Brian Cox will be on tomorrow, unless this is a rerun.
10/27/2009
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00:33

Intro - 10/27/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.
10/27/2009
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04:57

Gail Collins
The Colbert ReportS5

Gail Collins describes the last 50 years of progress made by American women and the new issues they face today.
10/27/2009
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01:44

George W. Bush's Motivational Speech
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen would have loved to attend George W. Bush's "Get Motivated" seminar, but he couldn't afford the $4.95 admission fee.
10/27/2009
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