The Colbert Report
Season 2 • 03/01/2006
Arianna Huffington's touch burns Stephen.
Confess Your Sins to StephenThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen knows he's not a religious leader, but he does have a TV show.
Brett O'DonnellThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen asks what Brett O'Donnell thinks of the debate between Job and God.
Who's Attacking Me Now? - Anderson CooperThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen thinks Anderson Cooper is attacking him, but he can't be sure, because he's not pointing and shouting in his direction.
Intro - 2/28/06The Colbert ReportS2
Mardi Gras is the Super Bowl of open-air drinking, other than the Super Bowl.
The Word - Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler!The Colbert ReportS2
Through the sheer power of alcohol and bare breasts, the Deep South has risen again.
Tip/Wag - Wheeled TransportationThe Colbert ReportS2
Until wheels get their act together, the president should travel by hot air balloon or dirigible.
Intro - 3/1/06The Colbert ReportS2
Stephen is going to celebrate Benjamin Franklin's birthday by flying a kite into some power lines.
Better Know a District - California's 50thThe Colbert ReportS2
Randy "Duke" Cunningham isn't dead to Stephen, California's 50th district is.
The Word - FaithThe Colbert ReportS2
There will be great temptation for President Bush to admit that he made a mistake, but our commander in chief is strong. He will pass the test.
Better Know a Founder - Benjamin FranklinThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen and Ben Franklin talk about their inventions and who died of syphilis.
Arianna HuffingtonThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen wants to know why Arianna Huffington hates black people.
Sign Off - End of an EraThe Colbert ReportS2
The social outcasts of today's junior high schools are relieved of the agony of human contact.
Intro - 3/2/06The Colbert ReportS2
Stephen investigates humans playing God, predicts Oscar winners and interviews economist Jeffrey Sachs.
The Word - Homo Sapien AgendaThe Colbert ReportS2
The only reason Stephen could imagine being gay is to have all the sex you want without ladies and their emotional outbursts.
Jeffrey SachsThe Colbert ReportS2
Jeffrey Sachs explains that giving a little aid to impoverished countries is the least that Americans can do.
The DaColbert Code - The OscarsThe Colbert ReportS2
Using the DaColbert Code, Stephen discovers who killed John F. Kennedy, who's to blame for the slow response to Hurricane Katrina and who will win this year's Academy Awards.
ThreatDown - Non-BlondesThe Colbert ReportS2
We need to maintain the purity of the blonde race with a massive selective breeding program.
Never Say DieThe Colbert ReportS2
A positive story out of Iraq -- if you replace the words "basketball" with "Iraq" and "cheerleader with indomitable spirit" with "President George W. Bush."
Bob SchiefferThe Colbert ReportS2
Bob Schieffer has good ratings for his morning show because most of his elderly viewers died in the night and left the television on.
Hollywood DecontaminationThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen wants Jon Stewart to quickly return from Hollywood so that he can be "de-Clooneyed."
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