The Colbert Report
America Does Not Swear On Camera
Season 5 • 04/23/2009
We are America. We do not swear on camera.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/22/09
President Obama returns from the Summit of the Americas, and Stephen looks forward to making fun of Ira Glass' glasses.
The Colbert ReportS5 "The Price Is Right" Goes Green
Stephen bids less than a dollar on environmentally friendly prizes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Summit of All Fears
Esteban Colberto believes Barack Obama has bigger plantains to fry than the Summit of the Americas.
The Colbert ReportS5 Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Qatar
Alcohol and pornography aren't allowed in Qatar, but they didn't say anything about O'Doul's and the Talbots catalogue.
The Colbert ReportS5 Never Go to Bed Angry
Don't go to bed angry. Stephen will do that for you.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Brunt Double
Until we can all agree on whom we should be angry at, tearing each other apart is the best plan we've got.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/23/09
Who is to blame for the economic crisis? If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, the ducks probably did it.
The Colbert ReportS5 Illegitimate Grandson of an Alligator
Have you heard the rumor that Bill Posey's grandmother had her alligator baby out of wedlock?
The Colbert ReportS5 Elizabeth Bintliff
Elizabeth Bintliff brings along Daisy the Cow to promote Heifer International, an organization that delivers livestock to developing countries.
The Colbert ReportS5 America Does Not Swear On Camera
Shepard Smith swearing on camera isn't something one gets away with like torture.
The Colbert ReportS5 Days of Swine and Doses
The swine flu virus contains a little something from pig, bird and human -- just like Stephen's paella recipe.
The Colbert ReportS5 Shout Out - Kids Edition
Stephen promises never to eat Ewok, provides some child-safe Nazi footage and raises the competition on donorschoose.org.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Decemberists
Colin Meloy describes The Decemberists' latest album by listing influences Stephen's never heard of.
The Colbert ReportS5 Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Fir Tree Lung
Christmas trees are supposed to warm the cockles of our hearts, not infest the alveoli of our lungs.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/27/09
Swine flu rages, and The Decemberists stop by and officially sell out.
The Colbert ReportS5 A Rare Correction - Stephen Eats an Ewok
Stephen wasn't completely honest when he said he'd never eat an Ewok.
The Colbert ReportS5 Daniel Gross
Daniel Gross urges rich cable TV personalities to buy steaks, cigars and whiskey.
The Colbert ReportS5 Arlen Specter Contracts Donkey Flu
Republicans tried to fight off donkey flu, but their white cells weren't strong enough.
The Colbert ReportS5 No Animals Were Harmed
No animals were harmed, but after the credits roll, all bets are off.
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