The Colbert Report
Intro - 7/19/07
Season 3 • 07/19/2007
Stephen says, "Physician, heal thyself -- as long as it's not a pre-existing condition."
The Word - Smiley FaceThe Colbert ReportS3
How could kittens fall asleep in a world where Iraq was not on its way toward becoming a democracy?
2007 FilibustacularThe Colbert ReportS3
Although Stephen broadcasted The Report for 24-hours straight, Comedy Central cut him off at midnight.
John MellencampThe Colbert ReportS3
John Mellencamp may be for peace, but he is no pacifist.
Alpha Dog of the Week - David BeckhamThe Colbert ReportS3
It takes alpha-sized man-crumpets to drum up coverage and cash, and then not do the one thing that is theoretically interesting about you.
Tip/Wag - Arnold SchwarzeneggerThe Colbert ReportS3
American television will teach immigrants all the necessary phrases like, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?" and "Dy-no-mite!"
Sign Off - Length of the Show ContestThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen congratulates the winner of his "Guess the Length of the Show" contest, who won with a guess of 30 minutes.
March to Enslavement - Stephen Gets an iPhoneThe Colbert ReportS3
After months of begging -- with dignity -- Stephen finally gets a free iPhone.
Michael MooreThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen isn't comfortable sitting that close to Michael Moore.
Frank SullowayThe Colbert ReportS3
Frank Sulloway's research indicates that elder siblings have a greater chance of being the smarter sibling. As the youngest of 11, Stephen takes issue with that.
Republican Candidates' SufferingThe Colbert ReportS3
John McCain's "Straight Talk Express" hit a few bumps in the road, most of which turned out to be former passengers.
Intro - 7/19/07The Colbert ReportS3
Michael Moore criticizes health care, Stephen launches a new segment about emerging technologies, and guest Frank Sulloway wants attention from his parents.
Sign Off - Just About Out of TimeThe Colbert ReportS3
The Report is just about out of time. Or, to be exact, it was just about out of time a moment ago.
Intro - 7/23/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is too busy reading the newly-released final Harry Potter book to introduce the show.
Colbert Platinum - Private SubmarinesThe Colbert ReportS3
You've got your Lamborghini, you've got your private jet, you've got your schooner -- what should your next expensive vehicle purchase be? A submarine.
Stephen's Fountain of YouthThe Colbert ReportS3
When Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson appeared on The Report, he didn't just get the Colbert Bump -- his hair looked more brown than usual.
Simon SchamaThe Colbert ReportS3
Simon Schama says the purpose of art is to unleash the floodgates of passion. Stephen says FEMA has to protect people from the flooding of his passion.
The Word - Premium PackageThe Colbert ReportS3
Americans have basic rights, and those rights should not be denied on the basis of their color, creed, or religion -- it should be on the basis of their tax returns.
Anthony RomeroThe Colbert ReportS3
ACLU Director Anthony Romero, author of "In Defense of Our America," defends Stephen's right to burn his book.
The Word - Modest PorpoisalThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen suggests that by eating endangered animals we can prevent their extinction.
Movies That Are Destroying America: Chuck and LarryThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen just hopes that "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" shows the dark side of gay marriage: Kevin James naked.
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