The Colbert Report
Intro - 7/19/07
Season 3 • 07/19/2007
Stephen says, "Physician, heal thyself -- as long as it's not a pre-existing condition."
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Smiley Face
How could kittens fall asleep in a world where Iraq was not on its way toward becoming a democracy?
The Colbert ReportS3 2007 Filibustacular
Although Stephen broadcasted The Report for 24-hours straight, Comedy Central cut him off at midnight.
The Colbert ReportS3 John Mellencamp
John Mellencamp may be for peace, but he is no pacifist.
The Colbert ReportS3 Alpha Dog of the Week - David Beckham
It takes alpha-sized man-crumpets to drum up coverage and cash, and then not do the one thing that is theoretically interesting about you.
The Colbert ReportS3 Tip/Wag - Arnold Schwarzenegger
American television will teach immigrants all the necessary phrases like, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?" and "Dy-no-mite!"
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Length of the Show Contest
Stephen congratulates the winner of his "Guess the Length of the Show" contest, who won with a guess of 30 minutes.
The Colbert ReportS3 March to Enslavement - Stephen Gets an iPhone
After months of begging -- with dignity -- Stephen finally gets a free iPhone.
The Colbert ReportS3 Michael Moore
Stephen isn't comfortable sitting that close to Michael Moore.
The Colbert ReportS3 Frank Sulloway
Frank Sulloway's research indicates that elder siblings have a greater chance of being the smarter sibling. As the youngest of 11, Stephen takes issue with that.
The Colbert ReportS3 Republican Candidates' Suffering
John McCain's "Straight Talk Express" hit a few bumps in the road, most of which turned out to be former passengers.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 7/19/07
Michael Moore criticizes health care, Stephen launches a new segment about emerging technologies, and guest Frank Sulloway wants attention from his parents.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Just About Out of Time
The Report is just about out of time. Or, to be exact, it was just about out of time a moment ago.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 7/23/07
Stephen is too busy reading the newly-released final Harry Potter book to introduce the show.
The Colbert ReportS3 Colbert Platinum - Private Submarines
You've got your Lamborghini, you've got your private jet, you've got your schooner -- what should your next expensive vehicle purchase be? A submarine.
The Colbert ReportS3 Stephen's Fountain of Youth
When Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson appeared on The Report, he didn't just get the Colbert Bump -- his hair looked more brown than usual.
The Colbert ReportS3 Simon Schama
Simon Schama says the purpose of art is to unleash the floodgates of passion. Stephen says FEMA has to protect people from the flooding of his passion.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Premium Package
Americans have basic rights, and those rights should not be denied on the basis of their color, creed, or religion -- it should be on the basis of their tax returns.
The Colbert ReportS3 Anthony Romero
ACLU Director Anthony Romero, author of "In Defense of Our America," defends Stephen's right to burn his book.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Modest Porpoisal
Stephen suggests that by eating endangered animals we can prevent their extinction.
The Colbert ReportS3 Movies That Are Destroying America: Chuck and Larry
Stephen just hopes that "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" shows the dark side of gay marriage: Kevin James naked.
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