The Colbert Report

Intro - 1/19/06

Season 2 • 01/19/2006

The government agrees that your boyfriend is a tool.

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03:49

The Word - Smarterer
The Colbert ReportS2

You don't need a lot of knowledge if you put a lot of anger behind those few things you do know.
01/18/2006
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06:21

Frank McCourt
The Colbert ReportS2

Training German Shepherds in Germany prepared Frank McCourt to teach high school.
01/18/2006
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00:33

Intro - 1/18/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen questions whether American kids are falling behind, wonders if it's too late to pump Socrates' stomach, and gives bullying a wedgie of his analysis.
01/18/2006
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03:20

Bring 'Em Back or Leave 'Em Dead - Teacher's Edition
The Colbert ReportS2

The only two miracle workers of our time have been John Paul II and Nature's Miracle stain remover.
01/18/2006
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02:04

Sign Off - The Bully System
The Colbert ReportS2

The bully system teaches leadership skills to our dumb kids, while encouraging our nerdy kids to get smarter.
01/18/2006
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03:07

The Word - Public-See
The Colbert ReportS2

We could put an end to stone-throwing if we all lived in glass houses.
01/19/2006
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07:11

Better Know a District - New York's 17th - Eliot Engel
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen isn't allowed to stroke Eliot Engel's moustache, but he can comb it.
01/19/2006
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02:57

Who's Attacking Me Now? - Humane Society
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen is being attacked for educating children about the need for bear hunts.
01/19/2006
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00:13

Sign Off - Drink On
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen chugs a beer because it's Friday.
01/19/2006
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05:27

Nina Totenberg
The Colbert ReportS2

If you pledge $1,000 to The Colbert Report, Nina Totenberg will come to your shower in a plush terry cloth robe.
01/19/2006
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00:30

Intro - 1/19/06
The Colbert ReportS2

The government has been monitoring your calls, and they agree that your boyfriend is a tool.
01/19/2006
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03:49

The Word - Charlie Daniels
The Colbert ReportS2

Osama bin Laden's most recent tape has Star Jones promoting a deal with the devil.
01/23/2006
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00:35

Intro - 1/23/06
The Colbert ReportS2

NASCAR fans will be glad to hear that unleaded gasoline is extremely flammable.
01/23/2006
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05:54

David Gregory
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen hits a nerve by comparing David Gregory to Major Garrett.
01/23/2006
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02:38

Oprah's Book Club
The Colbert ReportS2

A new translation of Elie Wiesel's "Night" has Stephen wondering if it should be categorized as a memoir or a novel.
01/23/2006
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01:58

Dr. Love
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen feels responsible for the fact that couples with televisions in their bedrooms have less sex, so he tries to help out.
01/23/2006
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05:19

ThreatDown - Hamas
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen puts Hamas on notice for being in league with America's real #1 threat.
01/23/2006
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02:55

The Word - Chernobyl
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen takes a look at the bright side of Chernobyl and Hurricane Katrina.
01/24/2006
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02:12

The In-Box - DVDs
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen uses his own in-box to remind himself to return some DVDs.
01/24/2006
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04:02

Formidable Opponent - Superpowers
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen Colbert takes on himself in a battle of privacy vs. wiretapping, complete with heat vision and force fields.
01/24/2006
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03:16

Most Depressing Day of the Year
The Colbert ReportS2

Not even kittens, monster trucks and Juan Gabriel can cheer up Stephen on the most depressing day of the year.
01/24/2006
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