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The Colbert Report
Sign Off - Goodnight
Season 5 • 07/22/2009
Stephen says goodnight.
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Watching
00:16
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Stephen's Chip
The opinions expressed tonight are exclusively Stephen's -- the chip in his head only makes suggestions.
07/21/2009
06:16
The Colbert Report
S5
Aaron Carroll
Aaron Carroll believes the single-payer system will cost less, cover everyone and lead to better outcomes.
07/21/2009
00:32
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 7/21/09
Stephen will be the mighty oak when he investigates Acorn, and Aaron Carroll believes America should have a single-payer system.
07/21/2009
02:32
The Colbert Report
S5
40th Anniversary of the Moon Landing
To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, Stephen re-airs his historic broadcast from July 20, 1969.
07/21/2009
03:09
The Colbert Report
S5
Sniper Trifle
The only huge surprise about Dick Cheney having his own secret assassination squad is that it didn't include cannibalism.
07/22/2009
00:35
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 7/22/09
The truth behind the CIA's secret assassination squad is revealed, and Chris Anderson talks about a future economy where everything is free.
07/22/2009
06:03
The Colbert Report
S5
Chris Anderson
Chris Anderson explains how it's possible for companies to make money by providing free services.
07/22/2009
04:17
The Colbert Report
S5
Pope Wrist Watch
The best way to spread wrist awareness is by getting a WristStrong bracelet to Pope Benedict XVI.
07/22/2009
03:11
The Colbert Report
S5
Sniper Trifle - Matthew Waxman
Matthew Waxman discusses the legal argument over whether to alert Congress about certain covert action programs.
07/22/2009
02:40
The Colbert Report
S5
The Longest Solar Eclipse of the Century
Xenu returned Asia's sun, but he will devour it again unless India returns America's outsourced jobs and China forgives the national debt.
07/22/2009
00:05
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Goodnight
That's it for The Report, everybody.
07/22/2009
04:51
The Colbert Report
S5
Zev Chafets
Zev Chafets doesn't have a problem with steroid use in baseball, but he is concerned about its cover-up.
07/23/2009
00:12
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - TiVo
Stephen doesn't want to know how the show ends because he's TiVo'ing it.
07/23/2009
05:45
The Colbert Report
S5
Health Care Hell-Scare - Die-agnosis: Mur-DR
Stephen invites expert victims from Canada, France and Spain to relay their horrible experiences of socialized medicine.
07/23/2009
03:04
The Colbert Report
S5
Health Care Reform Is the Matrix
President Obama's health care reform is a dystopian future filled with chaos and floor-length leather trench coats.
07/23/2009
05:59
The Colbert Report
S5
ThreatDown - Henry Louis Gates Jr., Bill Gates & Wilford Brimley
Henry Louis Gates Jr. commits the perfect crime, Bill Gates tries to control the weather, and Wilford Brimley has too much free time.
07/23/2009
00:37
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 7/27/09
A report on tasers may shock you, and Swedish band Movits! helps Stephen put his Ikea futon together.
07/27/2009
03:37
The Colbert Report
S5
Movits!
Because the guys from Movits! are from Sweden, they're forced to have the same hair length and glasses.
07/27/2009
02:50
The Colbert Report
S5
Sarah Palin Will Be Missed
Stephen says goodbye to Sarah Palin in the same way he imagines she writes her own speeches.
07/27/2009
04:14
The Colbert Report
S5
Nailed 'Em - Library Crime
The local library bans Dominic Philip after spotting a photo of him tooting a kazoo in their summer reading parade.
07/27/2009
04:57
The Colbert Report
S5
Womb Raiders - Orly Taitz
Stephen thanks Orly Taitz for being one of the few people willing to compare the Obama administration to Nazi Germany.
07/28/2009
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