The Colbert Report
The Word - Sweet Dreams
Season 2 • 03/16/2006
Stephen Colbert is medically unconscious right now -- and so can you!
Intro - 3/15/06The Colbert ReportS2
How many children must a man father before you call him a man? Turns out the answer is around 20.
Al Franken Fields CallsThe Colbert ReportS2
Al Franken speculates on why Bill O'Reilly doesn't do USO tours.
Sperm DonorThe Colbert ReportS2
If you wanna showcase how private you are, come out and do it in public.
Al FrankenThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen wants Al Franken to announce his senate run on his show as soon as possible.
The Word - None of the AboveThe Colbert ReportS2
To place college-bound kids, ask them questions like, "Can America be wrong? Answer in two letters or less."
Intro - 3/16/06The Colbert ReportS2
Stephen reports on a new sleep aide, interviews author and actor Frank Vincent and profiles the U.S. Virgin Islands.
Better Know a Protectorate - The Virgin Islands - Donna ChristensenThe Colbert ReportS2
Virgin Islands Representative Donna Christensen takes time away from not voting to talk to Stephen Colbert.
Who's Attacking Me Now? - Commander CoconutThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen finds it handy to play the "tumor card" in a pinch.
Sign Off - I'll Miss YouThe Colbert ReportS2
The show is over, and Stephen will miss his American viewers.
Frank VincentThe Colbert ReportS2
Frank Vincent is so manly that he lives in a town called Nutley.
The Word - Sweet DreamsThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen is hungry, horny and having a fabulous dream that he's playing catch with an alligator.
Jessica Simpson Turns Down GOPThe Colbert ReportS2
Jessica Simpson turned down an invitation from President Bush to attend a GOP fundraiser, leaving Stephen no choice but to throw out his copy of her CD, "Sweet Kisses."
Connie ChungThe Colbert ReportS2
Connie Chung went back to work because her husband, Maury Povich, was sick of her being around the house all the time.
Intro - 3/20/06The Colbert ReportS2
Tonight, Stephen raises the alert from brown to grizzly, Hollywood tries to destroy America and, hopefully, Connie Chung doesn't reveal what keeps romance with Maury alive.
Movies That Are Destroying America - Post-Oscar Wrap-UpThe Colbert ReportS2
The pageantry of the Oscars is over, and all we're left with is horrible, horrible movies.
The Word - Stop ItThe Colbert ReportS2
The vernal equinox was last night, and now even the weariest among us feels a stirring within at the world's rebirth -- which bring us to tonight's word: stop it.
War in Iraq - Third AnniversaryThe Colbert ReportS2
For the war in Iraq's third anniversary, Stephen thought it would be nice to get a cake in the shape of the prophet Muhammad.
World Baseball ClassicThe Colbert ReportS2
Japan defeated Cuba 10-6 to win the World Baseball Classic -- we won! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Intro - 3/21/06The Colbert ReportS2
Tonight: the early symptoms of mad cow disease, which include short term memory loss, and the early symptoms of mad cow disease, which include short term memory loss.
The Word - Eat ItThe Colbert ReportS2
Expensive tests for mad cow disease make corporations sick, and nothing tears Stephen up more than the thought of a sick corporation.
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