The Colbert Report

The Word - Sweet Dreams

Season 2 • 03/16/2006

Stephen Colbert is medically unconscious right now -- and so can you!

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00:34

Intro - 3/15/06
The Colbert ReportS2

How many children must a man father before you call him a man? Turns out the answer is around 20.
03/15/2006
03:48

Al Franken Fields Calls
The Colbert ReportS2

Al Franken speculates on why Bill O'Reilly doesn't do USO tours.
03/15/2006
04:56

Sperm Donor
The Colbert ReportS2

If you wanna showcase how private you are, come out and do it in public.
03/15/2006
06:08

Al Franken
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen wants Al Franken to announce his senate run on his show as soon as possible.
03/15/2006
03:13

The Word - None of the Above
The Colbert ReportS2

To place college-bound kids, ask them questions like, "Can America be wrong? Answer in two letters or less."
03/15/2006
00:30

Intro - 3/16/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen reports on a new sleep aide, interviews author and actor Frank Vincent and profiles the U.S. Virgin Islands.
03/16/2006
05:44

Better Know a Protectorate - The Virgin Islands - Donna Christensen
The Colbert ReportS2

Virgin Islands Representative Donna Christensen takes time away from not voting to talk to Stephen Colbert.
03/16/2006
03:10

Who's Attacking Me Now? - Commander Coconut
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen finds it handy to play the "tumor card" in a pinch.
03/16/2006
00:06

Sign Off - I'll Miss You
The Colbert ReportS2

The show is over, and Stephen will miss his American viewers.
03/16/2006
07:28

Frank Vincent
The Colbert ReportS2

Frank Vincent is so manly that he lives in a town called Nutley.
03/16/2006
03:07

The Word - Sweet Dreams
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen is hungry, horny and having a fabulous dream that he's playing catch with an alligator.
03/16/2006
01:16

Jessica Simpson Turns Down GOP
The Colbert ReportS2

Jessica Simpson turned down an invitation from President Bush to attend a GOP fundraiser, leaving Stephen no choice but to throw out his copy of her CD, "Sweet Kisses."
03/20/2006
07:18

Connie Chung
The Colbert ReportS2

Connie Chung went back to work because her husband, Maury Povich, was sick of her being around the house all the time.
03/20/2006
00:26

Intro - 3/20/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Tonight, Stephen raises the alert from brown to grizzly, Hollywood tries to destroy America and, hopefully, Connie Chung doesn't reveal what keeps romance with Maury alive.
03/20/2006
04:35

Movies That Are Destroying America - Post-Oscar Wrap-Up
The Colbert ReportS2

The pageantry of the Oscars is over, and all we're left with is horrible, horrible movies.
03/20/2006
02:08

The Word - Stop It
The Colbert ReportS2

The vernal equinox was last night, and now even the weariest among us feels a stirring within at the world's rebirth -- which bring us to tonight's word: stop it.
03/20/2006
04:03

War in Iraq - Third Anniversary
The Colbert ReportS2

For the war in Iraq's third anniversary, Stephen thought it would be nice to get a cake in the shape of the prophet Muhammad.
03/20/2006
03:34

World Baseball Classic
The Colbert ReportS2

Japan defeated Cuba 10-6 to win the World Baseball Classic -- we won! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
03/21/2006
00:26

Intro - 3/21/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Tonight: the early symptoms of mad cow disease, which include short term memory loss, and the early symptoms of mad cow disease, which include short term memory loss.
03/21/2006
03:12

The Word - Eat It
The Colbert ReportS2

Expensive tests for mad cow disease make corporations sick, and nothing tears Stephen up more than the thought of a sick corporation.
03/21/2006
05:52

Steve Kroft
The Colbert ReportS2

Does Morley Safer makes Steve Kroft run and get him cigarettes on the set of "60 Minutes"?
03/21/2006
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