The Colbert Report

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Crab Vending Machines

Season 6 • 11/09/2010

A Chinese businessman's vending machines take off faster than a loose crab on a subway car.

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Spider-Man Is Alaska's Write-In Candidate
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Since no one knows Spider-Man's identity, Alaska's write-in votes could actually be for Joe Miller.
11/04/2010
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06:47

Tip/Wag - TSA, Bert & Dogs
The Colbert ReportS6

The TSA offers friendly skies with benefits, Bert moves from PBS to LGBT, and Stephen appeals to an unexpected demographic.
11/04/2010
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05:16

The Word - Nothingness
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In the unity of the free market, we are all just different parts of the same billionaire.
11/08/2010
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05:21

Reza Aslan
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According to Reza Aslan, Muslims have decided, in their secret gatherings, to bring down democracy through art.
11/08/2010
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00:05

Sign Off - Battleship
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Stephen plays a game of Battleship.
11/08/2010
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03:13

One Hour in the Future
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Jay the Intern will earn a college credit by shooting Past Stephen when he shows up one hour from now.
11/08/2010
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05:43

President Obama's Expensive Trip to India
The Colbert ReportS6

Barack Obama doesn't have to spend $200 million a day on a trip to India when he can use Cisco's new TelePresence system.
11/08/2010
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03:54

Cee Lo Green
The Colbert ReportS6

Cee Lo Green's "F**k You" is so infectious that Stephen feels like he needs to go on a course of Zithromax after he listens to it.
11/09/2010
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06:00

House Oversight Committee Hearings - Abbe Lowell
The Colbert ReportS6

Abbe Lowell prints more business cards as the Republican leadership prepares to move America forward to the 90s.
11/09/2010
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04:05

Decision Points
The Colbert ReportS6

George W. Bush's writing is so evocative, Stephen feels like he's right there holding that steaming pile of dog crap in his hand.
11/09/2010
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02:49

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Crab Vending Machines
The Colbert ReportS6

A businessman in China comes up with the crustacean innovation to soft sell his soft shells nowhere near the seashore.
11/09/2010
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03:28

Michelle Obama's Embarrassing Handshake
The Colbert ReportS6

Michelle Obama forces her arm between an Indonesian minister's reluctantly outstretched hands, as the corners of his mouth turn upward in the traditional sign of revulsion.
11/10/2010
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03:25

Statue of Jesus
The Colbert ReportS6

America needs a bigger Jesus because God is looking down from space, trying to figure out who loves him the most.
11/10/2010
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05:49

America's Job Loss - Beri Fox
The Colbert ReportS6

Instead of extending tax cuts to help small business, Marble King President Beri Fox wants the government to level the playing field.
11/10/2010
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00:04

Sign Off - Saltine Hors D'oeuvres
The Colbert ReportS6

Stephen spreads his mayonnaise and mustard dip over saltines, then sprinkles them with paprika.
11/10/2010
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07:48

Martha Stewart
The Colbert ReportS6

Stephen teaches Martha Stewart how to spread mayonnaise on Wonder Bread and sprinkle the slices with pre-sweetened Kool-Aid mix.
11/10/2010
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00:32

Colbert Platinum - Kanye West & Million-Dollar Advent Calendar Segment
The Colbert ReportS6

Kanye West replaces all of his lower teeth with permanent diamond implants, and Harrods sells the first million-dollar advent calendar.
11/11/2010
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04:41

Colbert Platinum - Kanye West & Million-Dollar Advent Calendar
The Colbert ReportS6

Kanye West replaces all of his lower teeth with permanent diamond implants, and Harrods sells the first million-dollar advent calendar.
11/11/2010
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07:38

Quincy Jones
The Colbert ReportS6

Quincy Jones remembers when Frank Sinatra cut him loose with Lucille Ball and Loretta Young in Las Vegas.
11/11/2010
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00:18

Sign Off - If It Walks Like a Duck
The Colbert ReportS6

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, make a list of all the partners you've recently been with and call a doctor.
11/11/2010
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02:00

Stephen Trademarks Dated Catchphrases
The Colbert ReportS6

Stephen will soon be the proud owner of the trademark for "all that and a bag of chips." You hear that, Frito Lay?
11/11/2010
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