The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 04/07/2009
Stephen will sign the Global Zero declaration if Queen Noor knights him.
Obama's European Trip - Tom BrokawThe Colbert ReportS5
Tom Brokaw believes Barack Obama appeared very presidential at the G20 Summit.
Un-American News - Rest of the WorldThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen loves Barack Obama, at least until he returns to the United States.
Make LemonadeThe Colbert ReportS5
If life gives you lemons, water, sugar and ice, make lemonade.
Body LossThe Colbert ReportS5
Getting paid for missing body parts is too tempting for Americans.
Rich LowryThe Colbert ReportS5
Rich Lowry wants Republican principles to stay the same, but the application to change.
Queen Noor's Royal TreatmentThe Colbert ReportS5
To make sure Stephen doesn't violate any royalty protocol, he's going to wear surgical gloves.
The Word - Morally BankruptThe Colbert ReportS5
TV has so little societal value that Bill Gates is willing to pay to provide the most cursory positive messages.
Better Know a District - New York's 25th - Dan MaffeiThe Colbert ReportS5
Congressman Dan Maffei's "evil twin" tells Stephen why he loves cocaine and the company of prostitutes.
Intro - 4/7/09The Colbert ReportS5
Are TV networks desperate for revenue? Find out more on an all-new episode of "How I Met Your Pepsi."
Queen NoorThe Colbert ReportS5
Queen Noor will only knight Stephen after he signs the Global Zero declaration.
Birkat Hachama - Stephen Frees His JewsThe Colbert ReportS5
Birkat Hachama marks the time for Stephen to free his Jews.
Electronic EditionThe Colbert ReportS5
Far too many of you still get the show delivered on paper.
Intro - 4/8/09The Colbert ReportS5
An update on Stephen's trip to the Persian Gulf, and Phil Bronstein discusses the death of newspapers.
Phil BronsteinThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen asks Phil Bronstein if the death of newspapers and journalistic oversight will begin a golden age of corruption.
Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - BahrainThe Colbert ReportS5
The military asked Stephen to adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" policy for his trip, which is hard because he's Dubai-curious.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Ted StevensThe Colbert ReportS5
Ted Stevens seeks justice for others, as long as those others are him.
The Enemy Within - HedgehogsThe Colbert ReportS5
Hedgehogs were illegal in Kansas until one obsessed 10-year-old played the cute card.
Stephen's Severed HeadThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen earns 2,634 weeks of workers' comp for severing his head.
Bart EhrmanThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen discusses Bart Ehrman's theory that the Bible contradicts itself.
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