The Colbert Report
Season 3 • 04/18/2007
Under Ric Ocasek's supervision, Paulina Porizkova tells Stephen she thinks he is hot.
Intro - 4/17/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen questions President Bush's plans for Iraq, investigates a new study on teen abstinence and interviews author Elaine Pagels.
Tip/Wag - Fake SpermThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wags his finger at abstinence education, cell phones, fake sperm and those who can't hack it.
Who's Not Honoring Me Now? - PulitzerThe Colbert ReportS3
According to the Pulitzer's, Henry Ward Beecher is the Most Famous Man in America, but the last time Stephen checked, he didn't have a diet named after him or a sex tape.
The Word - BrandingThe Colbert ReportS3
Corporations may not be used to having their names associated with human suffering, but think of the ad space.
Intro - 4/18/07The Colbert ReportS3
Britain stops using the phrase "war on terror," debate rises over bovine growth hormones and supermodel Paulina Porizkova joins Stephen in the studio.
Sign Off - Upcoming Metaphor-OffThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen's going to take on Sean Penn like white takes on rice.
Milk & HormonesThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen shares an educational video about Recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone, aka "Jesus Milk."
National Library Week - Sebastian JungerThe Colbert ReportS3
Author Sebastian Junger celebrates National Library Week by asking us to buy his books.
National Library Week - David RemnickThe Colbert ReportS3
David Remnick suggests that if you subscribe to the New Yorker but want even more unread material, visit your local library.
National Library Week - Frank McCourtThe Colbert ReportS3
English teacher Frank McCourt stresses the importance of books, but if he were a shop teacher he would be stressing the importance of plywood.
Paulina PorizkovaThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen can verify Paulina Porizkova as a supermodel because he is an arbiter of American taste.
Intro - 4/19/07The Colbert ReportS3
John Edwards spends $400 on a haircut, and Sean Penn faces off against Stephen in an epic battle of the metaphors.
Sean PennThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen asks Sean Penn if he snuck weapons of mass destruction out of Iraq in a bulky raincoat to embarrass the president.
Hyperbole-OffThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen may have lost the Meta-Free-Phor-All to Sean Penn, but he will not lose his upcoming Hyperbole-Off to George Clooney.
God's Pet ChimpThe Colbert ReportS3
Human DNA has stopped evolving because God got us right the first time when he intelligently designed us.
Meta-Free-Phor-All: Shall I Nail Thee to a Summer's Day?The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen has a metaphor for Sean Penn: Sean Penn is a big mean jerk, and Stephen hates him.
The Word - $400 HaircutThe Colbert ReportS3
Sure, John Edwards grew up poor, but if he really cared about the poor, he would have stayed poor.
Stephanie's Winning!The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen's adopted turtle, Stephanie Colbertle, is leading the Great Turtle Race, while two other lady turtles hang back at the nesting grounds, listening to Melissa Etheridge.
Gonzales ForgotThe Colbert ReportS3
Alberto Gonzales said 71 times that he couldn't remember details on the U.S. attorney firings, but he only remembers saying it once.
ThreatDown - MySpaceThe Colbert ReportS3
It's bad enough that MySpace exposes our teens to child predators, now they're corrupting our youth with journalism.
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