The Colbert Report
Season 3 • 04/17/2007
Stephen is in training for his upcoming Metaphor Off against Sean Penn.
The Metaphor-Off Is OnThe Colbert ReportS3
Sean Penn picks up the gauntlet after Stephen draws a line in the sand.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Paul WolfowitzThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen makes Paul Wolfowitz his Alpha Dog of the Week for lifting his leg on the World Bank.
The Word - Clean SlateThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen feels the only way Alberto Gonzales can get a clean slate is to clean his own slate.
John KerryThe Colbert ReportS3
John Kerry hints that this may not be the first time he did not consider running for president.
Elaine PagelsThe Colbert ReportS3
Elaine Pagels tells Stephen about the gospel according to Judas.
Sign Off - Stephen's TaxesThe Colbert ReportS3
Everyone clear a path between Stephen's studio and the 34th Street post office!
The Word - Plan BThe Colbert ReportS3
The president's Plan A in Iraq must be going according to plan; otherwise they'd already be implementing Plan B.
Turtle Race UpdateThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen gives an update on his adopted turtle, Stephanie, as she makes her way to the Galapagos Islands.
Intro - 4/17/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen questions President Bush's plans for Iraq, investigates a new study on teen abstinence and interviews author Elaine Pagels.
Tip/Wag - Fake SpermThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wags his finger at abstinence education, cell phones, fake sperm and those who can't hack it.
Metaphor-Off TrainingThe Colbert ReportS3
To train for his Metaphor Off against Sean Penn, Stephen has been stretching his metonymies and doing synecdoche squats.
Who's Not Honoring Me Now? - PulitzerThe Colbert ReportS3
According to the Pulitzer's, Henry Ward Beecher is the Most Famous Man in America, but the last time Stephen checked, he didn't have a diet named after him or a sex tape.
The Word - BrandingThe Colbert ReportS3
Corporations may not be used to having their names associated with human suffering, but think of the ad space.
Intro - 4/18/07The Colbert ReportS3
Britain stops using the phrase "war on terror," debate rises over bovine growth hormones and supermodel Paulina Porizkova joins Stephen in the studio.
Sign Off - Upcoming Metaphor-OffThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen's going to take on Sean Penn like white takes on rice.
Milk & HormonesThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen shares an educational video about Recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone, aka "Jesus Milk."
National Library Week - Sebastian JungerThe Colbert ReportS3
Author Sebastian Junger celebrates National Library Week by asking us to buy his books.
National Library Week - David RemnickThe Colbert ReportS3
David Remnick suggests that if you subscribe to the New Yorker but want even more unread material, visit your local library.
National Library Week - Frank McCourtThe Colbert ReportS3
English teacher Frank McCourt stresses the importance of books, but if he were a shop teacher he would be stressing the importance of plywood.
Paulina PorizkovaThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen can verify Paulina Porizkova as a supermodel because he is an arbiter of American taste.
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