The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Headlines - Catch Us if You Scan
Season 8 • 01/08/2004
America pulls the welcome mat from terrorists with a new security system.
Elijah WoodThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
If Elijah Wood goes into the music business, he'll either do it on his own terms or be a vicious prick.
Back in Black - Regrettable BehaviorThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Lewis Black reviews recent sports celebrity bad behavior -- Pete Rose's gambling admission, Joe Namath's sportscaster kissing and Steve Irwin's baby dangling.
Mission to MarsThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
If we don't find a renewable supply of rocks on Mars, one day you may reach down for something to throw at your neighbor's window and nothing will be there.
Intro - Lottery JackpotThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
What kind of message does it send to people who work hard and spend all of their money on lottery tickets instead of food and clothing to still end up with nothing?
The Colbert Report - PreviewThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
On the next Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert gives it good to some guy, plus he'll read portions of his new book, "Don't Buy This Book if You Don't Have Any Balls."
Moment of Zen - US-VISITThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Tom Ridge announces that the new security system, US-VISIT will pull the welcome mat from terrorists and anyone wishing America harm.
Cruisin' for a Boozin'The Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Louisiana decides to join Minnesota, California and every other state in making it illegal to drink and drive.
Digital Watch - Camera PhoneThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Ed Helms concludes the camera phone combines the rapid battery depletion of a high-powered digital camera with the image production capability of a phone.
Charlize TheronThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Charlize Theron talks about the sympathy she felt for the serial killer she portrayed in her latest movie.
Intro - HoboThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Jon is still not smoking, he hasn't gained any weight, but he did kill a hobo with his bare hands again.
Headlines - Catch Us if You ScanThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
As a nation founded by immigrants, America honors that heritage by preserving the pictures and fingerprints of everybody entering the country.
Canada ColdThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Canadians aren't polite and quiet, they're frozen stiff.
Celebrity MoleThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
The White House draws up Iraqi war plans, six months before the 9/11 attacks.
Moment of Zen - Paul O'NealThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Former Treasury Secretary, Paul O'Neal doesn't think he'll be attacked for telling the truth about George W. Bush.
Right Out Of The ClosetThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Ed Helms explains that conservatives are here and control the entire government, most major corporations and many media outlets. Get used to it.
Atkins Meat PuppetsThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Carbohydrates are the new evil -- just as an earlier generation scorned fat, and the generation before that, Communism.
Headlines - AliensThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
George W. Bush announces an overhaul of American's immigration policy that will offer amnesty to undocumented aliens -- if they'll vote for him.
Richard LewisThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Richard Lewis rants about President Bush, the soldiers, patriotism and domestic policy...all in one breath.
Headlines - Tex MexThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
Generalissimo George W. Bush meets with Mexican President Vicente Fox.
Moment of Zen - Club For GrowthThe Daily Show with Jon StewartS8
A conservative activist group, Club for Growth, airs an ad against Howard Dean.
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