The Colbert Report
Intro - 1/19/11
Season 7 • 01/19/2011
There are major changes to the zodiac: Taurus now comes standard with power windows.
Mika Brzezinski Experiences Palin FatigueThe Colbert ReportS7
Mika Brzezinski thinks Sarah Palin's speeches are coded talking points mixed in with words picked up at random from a thesaurus.
Coma CozyThe Colbert ReportS7
The Coma Cozy comes with a feeding tube hole and a warm fleece catheter for effortless cocoon living.
Intro - 1/18/11The Colbert ReportS7
Stephen wants to make American children Chinese and assumes Cornel West's book is about Obama joining the circus.
The Word - DisintegrationThe Colbert ReportS7
North Carolina Tea Partiers want to reverse socially engineered progress until things get so bad for the poor that they can't be ignored.
Shout Out - Preston PyshThe Colbert ReportS7
Preston Pysh receives the single highest honor a member of the military can receive from a civilian: the Colbert Bump of Honor.
Tip/Wag - Four Loko & HoroscopesThe Colbert ReportS7
Four Loko finds a new way to make money off their liver-destroying gutter swill, and horoscopes are off by one month.
Ron ReaganThe Colbert ReportS7
Ron Reagan helps Stephen remember that his father raised taxes and provided amnesty to illegal immigrants.
Sign Off - I Eat America (And So Can You!) RecallThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen announces a recall of "I Eat America (And So Can You!)" due to a production error beyond his control.
Black-Tie Dinner for Hu JintaoThe Colbert ReportS7
President Obama's black-tie dinner for Hu Jintao should have been a sweatpants potluck with box wine and a sleeve of Oreos.
Intro - 1/19/11The Colbert ReportS7
Stephen wants someone to open his present from Afghanistan and asks Ron Reagan about which president he wrote his memoir.
Sign Off - Donald PellviewThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen thanks his understudy, Donald Pellview, for filling in for him tonight.
50th Anniversary of JFK's Inaugural AddressThe Colbert ReportS7
On the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy's "Ask Not" inaugural address, the all-American pundit panel tears Camelot a new hole.
State Budget Shortfalls - Christine Todd WhitmanThe Colbert ReportS7
Christine Todd Whitman explains what services she would cut first if she were the governor of one of the 46 states facing budget deficits.
Chris MatthewsThe Colbert ReportS7
Chris Matthews remembers John F. Kennedy as a war hero who was the first president to stand up for civil rights.
Rush Limbaugh Speaks ChineseThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen is deeply offended by Rush Limbaugh's cheap, insensitive rip-off of his only character, Ching Chong Ding Dong.
Intro - 1/24/11The Colbert ReportS7
House Republicans repeal health care to create new jobs, and Stephen won't let Charlie Rose talks until he gets a free tote bag.
Sign Off - Keith OlbermugThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen puts Keith Olbermug inside Bill O'Reilly's microwave oven so they can fight it out.
Stephen Rejects Keith Olbermann's PowerThe Colbert ReportS7
Keith Olbermann's essence is deflected into a coffee cup after Stephen's body rejects his power like a pompous kidney.
Charlie RoseThe Colbert ReportS7
Charlie Rose admits that he rarely sits down for interviews himself because he has nothing to say.
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