The Colbert Report
Intro - 1/31/07
Season 3 • 01/31/2007
Eight percent of sheep are gay -- the rest are into bestiality.
New Military WeaponThe Colbert ReportS3
The Pentagon introduces a new non-lethal weapon with an invisible beam, but Stephen has come up with his own irresistible security technology.
Donna ShalalaThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen asks Donna Shalala if cabinet meetings were interrupted to change Clinton's bong water.
Sign Off - Microwave Gift to O'ReillyThe Colbert ReportS3
It was an honor for Stephen to steal a microwave from Bill O'Reilly's green room, but he hasn't been feeling too great about what he did.
David LeonhardtThe Colbert ReportS3
How much should we spend on freedom? Stephen makes David Leonhardt an offer he can't refuse.
Judge, Jury & Executioner - AdulteryThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen declares Scooter Libby innocent, a life sentence for adultery fair, and a Levi's lawsuit baseless.
Global WarmingThe Colbert ReportS3
To protest Paris' decrease in power consumption, Stephen has replaced his stage manager, Bobby, with a 5,000 watt heat lamp
The Word - Black SheepThe Colbert ReportS3
If sheep do it, it must prove that being gay is natural, right? Wrong. It just proves being a sheep is unnatural.
Jed BabbinThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen asks Jed Babbin what can be done to shut the American people up.
Better Know a District - New York's 6th - Gregory MeeksThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen asks Gregory Meeks if he expects much resistance to the mandatory gay marriage act.
On Notice - Jane Fonda FantasiesThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen can't put Jane Fonda on notice until he puts his fantasies of Jane Fonda on notice.
Intro - 1/31/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen looks at gay sheep, and throws down with Gregory Meeks.
Chuck SchumerThe Colbert ReportS3
Chuck Schumer talks to Stephen about his new book, his views on Iraq and Hillary Clinton. Then, Stephen accuses him of promising a bad economy.
The Word - We Shall OvercomeThe Colbert ReportS3
The Hispanic Congressional Congress is a perfect example of being colorblind -- they have eleven non-Hispanic members to their five Hispanic members.
Cartoon TerrorismThe Colbert ReportS3
A publicity stunt for Aqua Teen Hunger Force caused a terrorism scare in Boston. What's more, it also ruined several marketing campaigns that Stephen had planned.
The Most Poetic F@#king Thing I've Ever HeardThe Colbert ReportS3
Rainbow covered bridges paved with babies' dreams has nothing on moths that drink the tears of sleeping magpies. That's the most poetic f**king thing Stephen has ever heard.
Intro - 2/1/07The Colbert ReportS3
Tom Tancredo has plans to get rid of the congressional black caucus, Stephen's getting sick from the Oscars and Chuck Schumer has advice for the Democrats.
Ending RacismThe Colbert ReportS3
In response to a remark by Frank Hargrove, Stephen apologizes for racism and bids farewell to it with a video montage.
Movies That Are Destroying America - Oscars EditionThe Colbert ReportS3
The Oscars really made Stephen sick this year with movies like "Little Miss Sunshine," "Pan's Labyrinth" and "An Inconvenient Truth."
Peyton ManseedThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is thrilled about the Bears being slaughtered in the Super Bowl and approves of Prince's kosher halftime performance.
Intro - 2/5/07The Colbert ReportS3
Despite global warming, Stephen's freezing his ass off while that bastard Tesla gains another victory, and Wendy Kopp gets schooled by America.
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