The Colbert Report
Season 1 • 12/13/2005
Stephen updates last night's sports scores using cheap footage.
Un-American News - TootsieThe Colbert ReportS1
A Spanish newspaper awards "Tootsie" a completely and totally un-American three-star rating.
Intro - 12/12/05The Colbert ReportS1
The war on Christmas, cuts in health insurance, foreign press and guest Harry Smith on this episode of The Colbert Report.
Formidable Opponent - SteroidsThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen and Stephen debate whether a crackdown on performance-enhancing drugs will save the world of sports or just rob it of its superstars.
Fract - NBAThe Colbert ReportS1
Not one of the 170 guards who the National Basketball Association employs has ever been accused of torturing a prisoner.
The Word - LombardiThe Colbert ReportS1
George W. Bush has played five great quarters so far. He never quits; he never pulls out.
Bob CostasThe Colbert ReportS1
Bob Costas reveals which sports are manly and which ones are just low-scoring European prance parties.
Intro - 12/13/05The Colbert ReportS1
Stephen determines what makes a great coach and learns about performance-enhancing steroids. Plus, Bob Costas will judge Stephen's triple salchow.
The De-Ballification of the American SportscapeThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen demonstrates how the telestrator works on actual footage of Tony Blair playing soccer.
Sign Off - Excellence in EverythingThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen presents tonight's Colbert Report Special Report trophy for the Omnisport Award for Excellence in Everything.
Sports UpdateThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen checks some of last night's sports scores by using the footage he can afford.
King KongThe Colbert ReportS1
"King Kong" is an allegory for the times: Kong is Bush, Skull Island is Washington and Naomi Watts is America.
Dermot MulroneyThe Colbert ReportS1
Dermot Mulroney tells Stephen about his new movie, what it's like to be a chick-flick actor, and whether or not he could take Yo-Yo Ma.
Sign Off - Three StockingsThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen puts an IOU for an Xbox 360 in The Heroes' stocking.
Tip/Wag - Redefining Cruel and UnusualThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen tips his hat to the Pentagon for redefining cruel and unusual interrogation tactics and wags his finger at Australia's riots.
Intro - 12/14/05The Colbert ReportS1
Stephen reports on President Bush's awareness level, reminds America of his journalistic status and talks to actor Dermot Mulroney.
The Word - TravoltaThe Colbert ReportS1
Newsweek says Bush is in a bubble. Stephen doesn't think that's a bad thing.
Mark CubanThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen talks to Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban about politics and how he became a billionaire.
Tax DeductionsThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen explains what you need to know about business-related tax deductions and shows off some of the items that he'll be deducting.
War on HolidayThe Colbert ReportS1
After researching the origin of the word "holiday," Stephen declares war on "holiday."
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