The Colbert Report

Sports Update

Season 1 • 12/13/2005

Stephen updates last night's sports scores using cheap footage.

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00:08

Fract - War
The Colbert ReportS1

America has never lost nor tied a war.
12/12/2005
04:38

Un-American News - Tootsie
The Colbert ReportS1

A Spanish newspaper awards "Tootsie" a completely and totally un-American three-star rating.
12/12/2005
00:30

Intro - 12/12/05
The Colbert ReportS1

The war on Christmas, cuts in health insurance, foreign press and guest Harry Smith on this episode of The Colbert Report.
12/12/2005
05:02

Formidable Opponent - Steroids
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen and Stephen debate whether a crackdown on performance-enhancing drugs will save the world of sports or just rob it of its superstars.
12/13/2005
00:09

Fract - NBA
The Colbert ReportS1

Not one of the 170 guards who the National Basketball Association employs has ever been accused of torturing a prisoner.
12/13/2005
02:37

The Word - Lombardi
The Colbert ReportS1

George W. Bush has played five great quarters so far. He never quits; he never pulls out.
12/13/2005
05:40

Bob Costas
The Colbert ReportS1

Bob Costas reveals which sports are manly and which ones are just low-scoring European prance parties.
12/13/2005
00:28

Intro - 12/13/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen determines what makes a great coach and learns about performance-enhancing steroids. Plus, Bob Costas will judge Stephen's triple salchow.
12/13/2005
03:36

The De-Ballification of the American Sportscape
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen demonstrates how the telestrator works on actual footage of Tony Blair playing soccer.
12/13/2005
01:00

Sign Off - Excellence in Everything
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen presents tonight's Colbert Report Special Report trophy for the Omnisport Award for Excellence in Everything.
12/13/2005
01:15

Sports Update
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen checks some of last night's sports scores by using the footage he can afford.
12/13/2005
01:21

King Kong
The Colbert ReportS1

"King Kong" is an allegory for the times: Kong is Bush, Skull Island is Washington and Naomi Watts is America.
12/14/2005
06:19

Dermot Mulroney
The Colbert ReportS1

Dermot Mulroney tells Stephen about his new movie, what it's like to be a chick-flick actor, and whether or not he could take Yo-Yo Ma.
12/14/2005
02:10

Sign Off - Three Stockings
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen puts an IOU for an Xbox 360 in The Heroes' stocking.
12/14/2005
03:27

Tip/Wag - Redefining Cruel and Unusual
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen tips his hat to the Pentagon for redefining cruel and unusual interrogation tactics and wags his finger at Australia's riots.
12/14/2005
00:29

Intro - 12/14/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen reports on President Bush's awareness level, reminds America of his journalistic status and talks to actor Dermot Mulroney.
12/14/2005
03:04

The Word - Travolta
The Colbert ReportS1

Newsweek says Bush is in a bubble. Stephen doesn't think that's a bad thing.
12/14/2005
05:40

Mark Cuban
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen talks to Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban about politics and how he became a billionaire.
12/15/2005
01:35

Tax Deductions
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen explains what you need to know about business-related tax deductions and shows off some of the items that he'll be deducting.
12/15/2005
02:00

War on Holiday
The Colbert ReportS1

After researching the origin of the word "holiday," Stephen declares war on "holiday."
12/15/2005
06:30

Better Know a District - New York's 11th - Major Owens
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen tries out a rap poem about Brooklyn Congressman Major Owens and proposes an alternative to raising the minimum wage.
12/15/2005
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