The Colbert Report
The Word - Learning Is Fundamental
Season 5 • 10/05/2009
It pains 10-year-old Andy Gellman to say this, but President Obama cannot extend the school year.
Francis CollinsThe Colbert ReportS5
Francis Collins informs Stephen that it's going to take time for stem cell research to give him crab claws.
Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 1The Colbert ReportS5
Competitive eater Brad Sciullo wants to prove anything is possible by finishing a 15-pound hamburger called "The Belly Buster."
Najibullah Zazi Threatens Beauty SuppliesThe Colbert ReportS5
Suspected terrorist Najibullah Zazi threatens America's unregulated use of beauty supplies.
Sign Off - New SlangThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen introduces some new slang into the teen lexicon.
2016 Olympics in Chicago - George WendtThe Colbert ReportS5
George Wendt and Stephen trash talk Rio de Janeiro, Madrid and Tokyo for competing against Chicago's 2016 Olympics bid.
Arne DuncanThe Colbert ReportS5
Secretary of Education Arne Duncan wants longer school hours so American students can compete with the rest of the world.
Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 2The Colbert ReportS5
Brad Sciullo's training regime of drinking, vomiting and trout prepares him to conquer "The Belly Buster."
Americans for Prosperity Cheer Chicago's FailureThe Colbert ReportS5
The conservative group, Americans for Prosperity, cheers when they hear the news of Chicago's failure to host the 2016 Olympics.
Intro - 10/5/09The Colbert ReportS5
President Obama proposes a longer school year, and Arne Duncan could only get a job as a secretary.
The Word - Learning Is FundamentalThe Colbert ReportS5
As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
John DarnielleThe Colbert ReportS5
John Darnielle discusses his cheerfully desolate song lyrics and his respect for suicidal mountain goats.
Formula 401: A Star Is BornThe Colbert ReportS5
Your baby can look like whichever celebrity Stephen impersonates while creating Formula 401: A Star Is Born.
New Swine Flu Vaccine DropsThe Colbert ReportS5
The swine flu vaccine shoots straight to the top of the vaccine charts, blowing away Japanese encephalitis.
The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara LoganThe Colbert ReportS5
As President Obama decides how to move forward in Afghanistan, Lara Logan explains the goals of Al Qaeda and the Taliban.
Human Sacrifice ChannelThe Colbert ReportS5
What kind of cable package does Samuel Alito have that he can watch the Human Sacrifice Channel, and why can't Stephen get it?
Intro - 10/7/09The Colbert ReportS5
Doctors invent a radical new surgery, and Alison Gopnik says babies can help us understand deep philosophical questions.
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Eye ToothThe Colbert ReportS5
Doctors enable a blind woman to see again by jamming her own tooth into her eye.
Sign Off - Jasper T. JowlsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen accidentally lapses into his old routine as the voice of an animatronic banjo dog at Chuck E. Cheese's.
Tip/Wag - Conservapedia, Louvre & Honda UnicycleThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wants to be a biblical figure on Conservapedia, the Louvre announces its plans to install a McDonald's, and Honda introduces a unicycle of the future.
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