The Colbert Report
America Doesn't Torture
Season 1 • 11/08/2005
The president says that America doesn't do anything illegal.
The Word - HoserThe Colbert ReportS1
After Canada picked up The Colbert Report, Stephen began to rethink his ill feelings towards the country that was once put on notice.
ThreatDown - PiratesThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen warns us about pirates, Canadian optometrists, professional musicians, mixing romance with NASCAR, and of course, bears.
Yet Another Day - Flesh-Eating VirusThe Colbert ReportS1
Tomorrow morning on "Yet Another Day," Christina tells you how to avoid contracting a flesh-eating virus.
Intercepted Satellite FeedThe Colbert ReportS1
Bloggers intercepted satellite feed of Stephen's interview with Bradley Whitford and posted the footage on the Internet.
Tip/Wag - Convicted MurderersThe Colbert ReportS1
Prisons holding murderers should step up their level of security to, say, that of a local bar.
The Word - T.O.The Colbert ReportS1
The Philadelphia Eagles are suspending Terrell Owens for the rest of the season. But they've forgotten something: Terrell is a very good football player.
Fract - Franagram: American PatriotThe Colbert ReportS1
"American Patriot" anagrams to "I am an erotic part."
Wilford Brimley Calls - CocoonThe Colbert ReportS1
Wilford Brimley doesn't understand why Stephen isn't using the cocoon he sent as a set decoration.
Intro - 11/8/05The Colbert ReportS1
On the agenda: Terrell Owens, torture, Christmas tradition and Court TV's Catherine Crier.
Catherine CrierThe Colbert ReportS1
To get into the news business, Catherine Crier said, "Boys, I've got a camera in the living room. You wanna come over and make a tape?"
America Doesn't TortureThe Colbert ReportS1
The president says that America doesn't do anything illegal. Torture is illegal. Ergo -- and that's Latin for "bite me" -- we do not torture.
Intro - 11/9/05The Colbert ReportS1
Arnold Schwarzenegger's propositions are turned down at the ballot box, and Stephen looks forward to talking with author Mary Roach.
Mary RoachThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen and author Mary Roach contact a spirit from the past in the studio.
Better Know a District - Florida's 7th - John MicaThe Colbert ReportS1
Congressman John Mica stands for his district with the tenacity of an alligator that shows up in your garage after a hurricane.
The Word - Willy LomanThe Colbert ReportS1
Mr. Schwarzenegger, get back to what you do best: jamming Arnold into people's holes.
Next QuestionThe Colbert ReportS1
At the recent White House press briefings it looks like Scott McClellan is about to crap his pants or burst into tears.
All You Need to Know - Kansas EducationThe Colbert ReportS1
The Kansas Board of Education approves the teaching of intelligent design in the classroom.
Cokie RobertsThe Colbert ReportS1
Cokie Roberts recalls an old Washington, where people could disagree without being disagreeable.
Intro - 11/10/05The Colbert ReportS1
Congress hard at work, the re-branding of Veteran's Day and Cokie Roberts -- all on tonight's show.
The DaColbert Code - Samuel AlitoThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen uses The DaColbert Code to pierce the veil of secrecy and solve modern-day mysteries.
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