The Colbert Report
Stealing Lincoln's Body
Season 3 • 05/14/2007
Stephen explains what Lincoln's would-be grave robbers did wrong.
Intro - 5/10/07The Colbert ReportS3
In tonight's episode, Stephen sits down with Rolling Stone Magazine founder Jann Wenner, and Japanese magicians sue TV stations for revealing their secrets.
Hometown Hero Town - Naperville, ILThe Colbert ReportS3
In Naperville, if you're too drunk to drive, you can get your car towed to your house.
The Word - IllusionThe Colbert ReportS3
When someone reveals how things are done, we need to resist the impulse to understand the mystery.
He's Singing in KoreanThe Colbert ReportS3
In order to reign in Korean pop star Rain, Stephen shows his own influential Korean R&B music video.
The In-Box - Doctor ColbertThe Colbert ReportS3
Dr. B. accuses Stephen of being irresponsible by posing as a medical professional.
Intro - 5/14/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen ponders President Bush's replacement for Tony Blair, the cool guy in movies becomes hard to find and William Langewiesche talks nuclear weapons.
The Word - Supporting RoleThe Colbert ReportS3
As the replacement for Tony Blair is considered, Stephen suggests someone with a good accent. Ian McKellen works because he makes things like the war sound smart.
Tip/Wag - Mitt RomneyThe Colbert ReportS3
Mitt Romney gets a wag of the finger for speaking out against polygamy while the Boston Pops get a tip of the hat for having audience members who rumble.
William LangewiescheThe Colbert ReportS3
William Langewiesche explains to Stephen why America shouldn't spend too much time worrying about other nations getting the nuclear bomb.
Ferrari ListThe Colbert ReportS3
As Stephen was getting ready to buy a new Ferrari, he learned that there's a shortage and a waiting list. Luckily, he's next in line on a kidney list and willing to trade.
Stealing Lincoln's BodyThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen gives detailed instruction for how to properly steal Abraham Lincoln's body and adds a moldering stovepipe hat to the bookshelf.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Michael WileyThe Colbert ReportS3
Triple amputee Michael Wiley tore down the wall of stereotype, showing that disabled people are not always nice, sweet and innocent, but mean and great at driving.
Walter IsaacsonThe Colbert ReportS3
Walter Isaacson speaks to Stephen about Albert Einstein's rebellious childhood and how he used the Nobel Prize to get his wife to divorce him.
The Word - Heated DebateThe Colbert ReportS3
Barry Lucier shouldn't be forced to watch movies he doesn't agree with -- college is not a place to learn new ideas.
Pasadena, IndiaThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen reports on the demise of the mainstream media with a story about two reporters in India who are covering local Pasadena news.
Bonus Wag - Bush GraphicThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen gives a bonus wag to CNN International for airing a "Bush Resigns" graphic when they meant Tony Blair. He then shows us exactly how much time Bush has left in office.
Intro - 5/15/07The Colbert ReportS3
A college student objects to watching "An Inconvenient Truth," Stephen sees things in Wolf Blitzer's beard and Walter Isaacson joins Stephen to talk Einstein.
R.I.P. Ted MaimanThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen pays tribute to Dr. Ted Maiman, the inventor of the first working laser. He honors him by letting him know that his ray of light was a true ray of light.
McNulty GuiltyThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is so excited to announce that Deputy Attorney General Paul J. McNulty has resigned, he draws a Fu Manchu on his face.
Sign Off - Name of City HereThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen says goodnight to name of city here.
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