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The Colbert Report
Mike Krzyzewski
Season 5 • 04/21/2009
Mike Krzyzewski sells Stephen on teamwork.
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Watching
00:16
Stephen's Only Regrets
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen's only regret is all the great stuff that was cut out because the audience wouldn't stop cheering.
04/20/2009
03:17
Anger's Aweigh
The Colbert Report
S5
Granting vigilantes the right to shoot pirates on the high seas is the free market at its best.
04/20/2009
03:51
Tip/Wag - Texas Secession & MACA
The Colbert Report
S5
Texas Governor Rick Perry wants to secede, and MACA urges the Obamas to use pesticides in their organic garden.
04/20/2009
00:34
Intro - 4/20/09
The Colbert Report
S5
How to deal with the scourge of piracy -- if only there were a form of transportation besides boats.
04/20/2009
01:56
Castro Death Wish List
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen wants to force feed Castro hot dogs and make him watch "This Week with George Stephanopoulos."
04/20/2009
06:32
The Word - Stressed Position
The Colbert Report
S5
Americans will get justice for torture without making any of the good guys pay the price.
04/21/2009
03:12
George Will's Demon Denim
The Colbert Report
S5
George Will launches a righteous attack against Satan's denim leg tubes.
04/21/2009
03:44
Who's Riding My Coattails Now? - Blown Away by the USA
The Colbert Report
S5
Act now and receive Stephen's patriotic CD collection: "Blown Away by the USA," "Stunned by the States" and "Flabbergasted by the Flag."
04/21/2009
00:29
Intro - 4/21/09
The Colbert Report
S5
President Obama releases CIA torture memos. It's like the greatest hits of our greatest hits.
04/21/2009
00:17
Special DVD Commentary
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen offers special DVD commentary for those who recorded tonight's show and burned it onto a DVD.
04/21/2009
05:22
Mike Krzyzewski
The Colbert Report
S5
Mike Krzyzewski differentiates between teamwork and socialism.
04/21/2009
06:00
Ira Glass
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen wants to know if Ira Glass will be just as lifeless hosting a live cinema performance as he is on the radio.
04/22/2009
00:35
Intro - 4/22/09
The Colbert Report
S5
President Obama returns from the Summit of the Americas, and Stephen looks forward to making fun of Ira Glass' glasses.
04/22/2009
02:03
"The Price Is Right" Goes Green
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen bids less than a dollar on environmentally friendly prizes.
04/22/2009
05:33
Summit of All Fears
The Colbert Report
S5
Esteban Colberto believes Barack Obama has bigger plantains to fry than the Summit of the Americas.
04/22/2009
05:32
Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Qatar
The Colbert Report
S5
Alcohol and pornography aren't allowed in Qatar, but they didn't say anything about O'Doul's and the Talbots catalogue.
04/22/2009
00:12
Never Go to Bed Angry
The Colbert Report
S5
Don't go to bed angry. Stephen will do that for you.
04/22/2009
00:10
Goodnight, Daisy
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen bids goodnight to Daisy the Cow.
04/23/2009
05:14
The Word - Brunt Double
The Colbert Report
S5
Until we can all agree on whom we should be angry at, tearing each other apart is the best plan we've got.
04/23/2009
00:39
Intro - 4/23/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Who is to blame for the economic crisis? If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, the ducks probably did it.
04/23/2009
03:27
Illegitimate Grandson of an Alligator
The Colbert Report
S5
Have you heard the rumor that Bill Posey's grandmother had her alligator baby out of wedlock?
04/23/2009
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A Front Row Seat to South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert
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