The Colbert Report
Barack Obama's 50th Birthday
Season 7 • 08/04/2011
Barack Obama has selfishly celebrated a birthday during every crisis for the last 50 years.
Women's Health-Nazi PlanThe Colbert ReportS7
Free birth control will wipe out the American race and instantly turn daughters into wanton harlots with insatiable sexual appetites.
Intro - 8/3/11The Colbert ReportS7
An old kids' game gets updated, the government gives women new health guidelines, and Robert Wittman investigates art crime.
Robert WittmanThe Colbert ReportS7
Art crime investigator Robert Wittman recovers stolen paintings around the world and explains the challenges of museum security.
Multiracial Spider-ManThe Colbert ReportS7
A half-black, half-Hispanic Spider-Man replaces a dead Peter Parker, setting a terrible precedent for superhero diversity.
Intro - 8/4/11The Colbert ReportS7
Somebody snuck a vegetable into Wisconsin, baseball's cherished records face a threat, and Anthony Bourdain travels the world in search of great food.
Wisconsin's Recall Election & Americans for Prosperity's Absentee Ballot TyposThe Colbert ReportS7
The Koch brothers-funded Americans for Prosperity PAC sends absentee ballot applications with minor inaccuracies to Wisconsin's Democratic districts.
Anthony BourdainThe Colbert ReportS7
Chef Anthony Bourdain worries about the ballooning of Americans and occasionally eats endangered birds with a hood over his head.
Sport Report - Baseball's Lowest Records & MLB's Twitter FeedThe Colbert ReportS7
Two of the grid diamond's lowest records might fall, and MLB gets in on gambling, giving Stephen control of their Twitter feed.
Colbert Super PAC - The Heroes RespondThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen calls on the Colbert Nation to send in more suggestions for the direction of his Super PAC, in addition to more money.
Barack Obama's 50th BirthdayThe Colbert ReportS7
Barack Obama throws himself a lavish birthday party instead of working on the economy, so the recession will last four hours longer.
Colbert Super PAC - Rick Perry for PresidentThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen already licked the Rick Perry for President donut, so all the other Super PAC bitches better back off.
Nassir GhaemiThe Colbert ReportS7
Psychiatrist Nassir Ghaemi believes that mental illness can foster great leadership, but the Republican presidential candidates are too "normal."
America's Credit DowngradeThe Colbert ReportS7
The credit downgrade reduces Americans to waffle-eating Kiwis who put mayonnaise on their French fries and have a serious Hobbit infestation.
Doomsday Bargain BunkersThe Colbert ReportS7
With three doomsday believers to a room, Vivos economy-class underground bunkers are like freshman year at Bob Jones University.
Sign Off - Stephen Sniffs a MarkerThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen gets high off a Sharpie and says goodnight.
Intro - 8/9/11The Colbert ReportS7
Record temperatures sweep the heartland, the Internet doesn't make for better human beings, and legendary rockers The Cars perform.
The Word - Head in the CloudThe Colbert ReportS7
Technology turns people into empty flesh terminals that rely on it for all their ideas, memories and relationships.
HeatsteriaThe Colbert ReportS7
Part-time weather balloon Rush Limbaugh exposes the government-manufactured heat index conspiracy, while SpongeBob brainwashes kids with global warming propaganda.
Ric OcasekThe Colbert ReportS7
The Cars' Ric Ocasek remembers the '80s music scene and promises Stephen any future Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Awards.
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