The Colbert Report
Bring 'Em Back or Leave 'Em Dead - Teacher's Edition
Season 2 • 01/18/2006
Stephen defies you to come to his home and tell him whether you're sitting in cat pee.
Age-Defying PancakesThe Colbert ReportS2
Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Pancakes make Stephen feel good and think clear.
Wilford Brimley Calls - OatmealThe Colbert ReportS2
Wilford Brimley calls up Stephen to complain about a raccoon in his house, Stephen always making up words and missing maple.
Andrew SullivanThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen talks to Andrew Sullivan about blogging and the repercussions of some of his blog posts.
Intro - 1/17/06The Colbert ReportS2
Stephen talks to Time Magazine blogger Andrew Sullivan, covers Canada's race for prime minister and asks the real Eminem marriage to please stand up, please stand up.
Tip/Wag - EminemThe Colbert ReportS2
Prime Minister Paul Martin brings negative campaigning to Canada, Stephen calls Oregon the Canada of California, and Eminem patches things up with his wife.
The De-Edumacation of the American BrainscapeThe Colbert ReportS2
It's inappropriate for Stephen, as the educator/host, to have a relationship with an audience member/student.
The Word - SmartererThe Colbert ReportS2
You don't need a lot of knowledge if you put a lot of anger behind those few things you do know.
Frank McCourtThe Colbert ReportS2
Training German Shepherds in Germany prepared Frank McCourt to teach high school.
Intro - 1/18/06The Colbert ReportS2
Stephen questions whether American kids are falling behind, wonders if it's too late to pump Socrates' stomach, and gives bullying a wedgie of his analysis.
Sign Off - The Bully SystemThe Colbert ReportS2
The bully system teaches leadership skills to our dumb kids, while encouraging our nerdy kids to get smarter.
Bring 'Em Back or Leave 'Em Dead - Teacher's EditionThe Colbert ReportS2
The only two miracle workers of our time have been John Paul II and Nature's Miracle stain remover.
The Word - Public-SeeThe Colbert ReportS2
We could put an end to stone-throwing if we all lived in glass houses.
Better Know a District - New York's 17th - Eliot EngelThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen isn't allowed to stroke Eliot Engel's moustache, but he can comb it.
Who's Attacking Me Now? - Humane SocietyThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen is being attacked for educating children about the need for bear hunts.
Intro - 1/19/06The Colbert ReportS2
The government has been monitoring your calls, and they agree that your boyfriend is a tool.
Nina TotenbergThe Colbert ReportS2
If you pledge $1,000 to The Colbert Report, Nina Totenberg will come to your shower in a plush terry cloth robe.
The Word - Charlie DanielsThe Colbert ReportS2
Osama bin Laden's most recent tape has Star Jones promoting a deal with the devil.
Intro - 1/23/06The Colbert ReportS2
NASCAR fans will be glad to hear that unleaded gasoline is extremely flammable.
David GregoryThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen hits a nerve by comparing David Gregory to Major Garrett.
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