The Colbert Report

Bring 'Em Back or Leave 'Em Dead - Teacher's Edition

Season 2 • 01/18/2006

Stephen defies you to come to his home and tell him whether you're sitting in cat pee.

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03:25

Age-Defying Pancakes
The Colbert ReportS2

Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Pancakes make Stephen feel good and think clear.
01/17/2006
01:51

Wilford Brimley Calls - Oatmeal
The Colbert ReportS2

Wilford Brimley calls up Stephen to complain about a raccoon in his house, Stephen always making up words and missing maple.
01/17/2006
06:18

Andrew Sullivan
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen talks to Andrew Sullivan about blogging and the repercussions of some of his blog posts.
01/17/2006
00:34

Intro - 1/17/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen talks to Time Magazine blogger Andrew Sullivan, covers Canada's race for prime minister and asks the real Eminem marriage to please stand up, please stand up.
01/17/2006
03:42

Tip/Wag - Eminem
The Colbert ReportS2

Prime Minister Paul Martin brings negative campaigning to Canada, Stephen calls Oregon the Canada of California, and Eminem patches things up with his wife.
01/17/2006
03:51

The De-Edumacation of the American Brainscape
The Colbert ReportS2

It's inappropriate for Stephen, as the educator/host, to have a relationship with an audience member/student.
01/18/2006
03:49

The Word - Smarterer
The Colbert ReportS2

You don't need a lot of knowledge if you put a lot of anger behind those few things you do know.
01/18/2006
06:21

Frank McCourt
The Colbert ReportS2

Training German Shepherds in Germany prepared Frank McCourt to teach high school.
01/18/2006
00:33

Intro - 1/18/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen questions whether American kids are falling behind, wonders if it's too late to pump Socrates' stomach, and gives bullying a wedgie of his analysis.
01/18/2006
02:04

Sign Off - The Bully System
The Colbert ReportS2

The bully system teaches leadership skills to our dumb kids, while encouraging our nerdy kids to get smarter.
01/18/2006
03:20

Bring 'Em Back or Leave 'Em Dead - Teacher's Edition
The Colbert ReportS2

The only two miracle workers of our time have been John Paul II and Nature's Miracle stain remover.
01/18/2006
03:07

The Word - Public-See
The Colbert ReportS2

We could put an end to stone-throwing if we all lived in glass houses.
01/19/2006
07:11

Better Know a District - New York's 17th - Eliot Engel
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen isn't allowed to stroke Eliot Engel's moustache, but he can comb it.
01/19/2006
02:57

Who's Attacking Me Now? - Humane Society
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen is being attacked for educating children about the need for bear hunts.
01/19/2006
00:13

Sign Off - Drink On
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen chugs a beer because it's Friday.
01/19/2006
00:30

Intro - 1/19/06
The Colbert ReportS2

The government has been monitoring your calls, and they agree that your boyfriend is a tool.
01/19/2006
05:27

Nina Totenberg
The Colbert ReportS2

If you pledge $1,000 to The Colbert Report, Nina Totenberg will come to your shower in a plush terry cloth robe.
01/19/2006
03:49

The Word - Charlie Daniels
The Colbert ReportS2

Osama bin Laden's most recent tape has Star Jones promoting a deal with the devil.
01/23/2006
00:35

Intro - 1/23/06
The Colbert ReportS2

NASCAR fans will be glad to hear that unleaded gasoline is extremely flammable.
01/23/2006
05:54

David Gregory
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen hits a nerve by comparing David Gregory to Major Garrett.
01/23/2006
02:38

Oprah's Book Club
The Colbert ReportS2

A new translation of Elie Wiesel's "Night" has Stephen wondering if it should be categorized as a memoir or a novel.
01/23/2006
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