The Colbert Report
Bring 'Em Back or Leave 'Em Dead - Teacher's Edition
Season 2 • 01/18/2006
Stephen defies you to come to his home and tell him whether you're sitting in cat pee.
The Colbert ReportS2 Age-Defying Pancakes
Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Pancakes make Stephen feel good and think clear.
The Colbert ReportS2 Wilford Brimley Calls - Oatmeal
Wilford Brimley calls up Stephen to complain about a raccoon in his house, Stephen always making up words and missing maple.
The Colbert ReportS2 Andrew Sullivan
Stephen talks to Andrew Sullivan about blogging and the repercussions of some of his blog posts.
The Colbert ReportS2 Intro - 1/17/06
Stephen talks to Time Magazine blogger Andrew Sullivan, covers Canada's race for prime minister and asks the real Eminem marriage to please stand up, please stand up.
The Colbert ReportS2 Tip/Wag - Eminem
Prime Minister Paul Martin brings negative campaigning to Canada, Stephen calls Oregon the Canada of California, and Eminem patches things up with his wife.
The Colbert ReportS2 The De-Edumacation of the American Brainscape
It's inappropriate for Stephen, as the educator/host, to have a relationship with an audience member/student.
The Colbert ReportS2 The Word - Smarterer
You don't need a lot of knowledge if you put a lot of anger behind those few things you do know.
The Colbert ReportS2 Frank McCourt
Training German Shepherds in Germany prepared Frank McCourt to teach high school.
The Colbert ReportS2 Intro - 1/18/06
Stephen questions whether American kids are falling behind, wonders if it's too late to pump Socrates' stomach, and gives bullying a wedgie of his analysis.
The Colbert ReportS2 Sign Off - The Bully System
The bully system teaches leadership skills to our dumb kids, while encouraging our nerdy kids to get smarter.
The Colbert ReportS2 Bring 'Em Back or Leave 'Em Dead - Teacher's Edition
The only two miracle workers of our time have been John Paul II and Nature's Miracle stain remover.
The Colbert ReportS2 The Word - Public-See
We could put an end to stone-throwing if we all lived in glass houses.
The Colbert ReportS2 Better Know a District - New York's 17th - Eliot Engel
Stephen isn't allowed to stroke Eliot Engel's moustache, but he can comb it.
The Colbert ReportS2 Who's Attacking Me Now? - Humane Society
Stephen is being attacked for educating children about the need for bear hunts.
The Colbert ReportS2 Intro - 1/19/06
The government has been monitoring your calls, and they agree that your boyfriend is a tool.
The Colbert ReportS2 Nina Totenberg
If you pledge $1,000 to The Colbert Report, Nina Totenberg will come to your shower in a plush terry cloth robe.
The Colbert ReportS2 The Word - Charlie Daniels
Osama bin Laden's most recent tape has Star Jones promoting a deal with the devil.
The Colbert ReportS2 Intro - 1/23/06
NASCAR fans will be glad to hear that unleaded gasoline is extremely flammable.
The Colbert ReportS2 David Gregory
Stephen hits a nerve by comparing David Gregory to Major Garrett.
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