The Colbert Report

Dead to Me - Long War

Season 3 • 04/25/2007

Stephen and Jaden come up with a new name for the war: Freemerican Victernity Made In China!

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00:55

The Colbert ReportS3
Bye-Bye to Boris

Russia's first democratically elected President, Boris Yeltsin, has passed away and the New York Post has paid tribute with their usual class and sensitivity.
04/24/2007
01:12

The Colbert ReportS3
Sign Off - Captain Lead

Stephen reminisces about his favorite childhood toys: Captain Lead, General Light Socket, Admiral Dry Cleaning Bag, Lieutenant Fluffy -- and his wad of asbestos.
04/24/2007
00:32

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 4/24/07

Stephen discusses President Bush's fight against global warming and the two seats being considered for Congress, and sits down with new age medical guru Dr. Andrew Weil.
04/24/2007
01:35

The Colbert ReportS3
Alpha Dog of the Week - Uncle Ben

After 61 years, Uncle Ben is now not only spokesman of his products but CEO of the company.
04/24/2007
01:18

The Colbert ReportS3
New Issue of GQ

Stephen expects the new issue of GQ with him on the cover to be the most popular issue they've ever had.
04/25/2007
04:52

The Colbert ReportS3
Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-Calypse - Prayer

People don't develop special powers, they pray for them. The only reason Superman can fly is because Jesus is carrying him.
04/25/2007
03:10

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Sacrifice

Stephen supports enlisting illegal immigrants in the war in Iraq, simultaneously bolstering our fighting forces and solving our immigration dilemma.
04/25/2007
00:10

The Colbert ReportS3
Sign Off - Promises

Stephen doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep, but he'll see you tomorrow night.
04/25/2007
00:33

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 4/25/07

America faces a troop shortage, Stephen unleashes on pop culture, and the U.S. Comptroller General David Walker talks with Stephen about the national debt.
04/25/2007
05:29

The Colbert ReportS3
David Walker

Accountant David Walker warns of a 50 trillion dollar deficit and Stephen asks if his haircut can be a tax write off.
04/25/2007
04:15

The Colbert ReportS3
Dead to Me - Long War

Good news -- the long war in Iraq is over! That is, the use of the phrase 'Long War' is over thanks to Admiral William J. Fallon.
04/25/2007
05:47

The Colbert ReportS3
Tom Wolfe

Stephen disagrees with new journalism because he believes people want entertaining journalism, not factual journalism.
04/26/2007
00:31

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 4/26/07

The U.S. Army's constructing walls in Iraq, Stephen gets to know Guam better, and author Tom Wolfe talks about journalism.
04/26/2007
03:30

The Colbert ReportS3
Stephanie Lost

Stephen reminds Stephanie Colbertle the turtle to maintain her dignity after losing the Great Turtle Race.
04/26/2007
03:48

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Mending Wall

Gated communities in Iraq -- they've been doing it Florida and the old people seem to like it.
04/26/2007
05:40

The Colbert ReportS3
Better Know a Protectorate - Guam - Madeleine Bordallo

Stephen tells Guam Rep. Madeleine Bordallo that if she can't find Guam on a map of the continental U.S. that means Guam isn't part of America.
04/26/2007
00:13

The Colbert ReportS3
Sign Off - Yuri Kuklachev

Stephen apologizes to Yuri Kuklachev of the Moscow Cat Circus for bringing his Rottweiler to work.
04/26/2007
00:32

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 4/30/07

Scientists find a new Earth-like planet, The New York Times encourages presidential candidates to debate the environment, and guest Bill Bradley talks about oil and ice cream.
04/30/2007
04:36

The Colbert ReportS3
Tip/Wag - Shrek

Bravo, Shrek, for encouraging our kids to do more than sit around the house all day watching 'Shrek' DVDs.
04/30/2007
05:20

The Colbert ReportS3
Neil deGrasse Tyson

Stephen assumes Neil deGrasse Tyson's book, "Death By Black Hole," is a pro-capital punishment argument.
04/30/2007
05:54

The Colbert ReportS3
Bill Bradley

Stephen tells Bill Bradley he doesn't mind the old American story or being addicted to oil.
04/30/2007
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