The Colbert Report
Dead to Me - Long War
Season 3 • 04/25/2007
Stephen and Jaden come up with a new name for the war: Freemerican Victernity Made In China!
The Colbert ReportS3 Bye-Bye to Boris
Russia's first democratically elected President, Boris Yeltsin, has passed away and the New York Post has paid tribute with their usual class and sensitivity.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Captain Lead
Stephen reminisces about his favorite childhood toys: Captain Lead, General Light Socket, Admiral Dry Cleaning Bag, Lieutenant Fluffy -- and his wad of asbestos.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 4/24/07
Stephen discusses President Bush's fight against global warming and the two seats being considered for Congress, and sits down with new age medical guru Dr. Andrew Weil.
The Colbert ReportS3 Alpha Dog of the Week - Uncle Ben
After 61 years, Uncle Ben is now not only spokesman of his products but CEO of the company.
The Colbert ReportS3 New Issue of GQ
Stephen expects the new issue of GQ with him on the cover to be the most popular issue they've ever had.
The Colbert ReportS3 Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-Calypse - Prayer
People don't develop special powers, they pray for them. The only reason Superman can fly is because Jesus is carrying him.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Sacrifice
Stephen supports enlisting illegal immigrants in the war in Iraq, simultaneously bolstering our fighting forces and solving our immigration dilemma.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Promises
Stephen doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep, but he'll see you tomorrow night.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 4/25/07
America faces a troop shortage, Stephen unleashes on pop culture, and the U.S. Comptroller General David Walker talks with Stephen about the national debt.
The Colbert ReportS3 David Walker
Accountant David Walker warns of a 50 trillion dollar deficit and Stephen asks if his haircut can be a tax write off.
The Colbert ReportS3 Dead to Me - Long War
Good news -- the long war in Iraq is over! That is, the use of the phrase 'Long War' is over thanks to Admiral William J. Fallon.
The Colbert ReportS3 Tom Wolfe
Stephen disagrees with new journalism because he believes people want entertaining journalism, not factual journalism.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 4/26/07
The U.S. Army's constructing walls in Iraq, Stephen gets to know Guam better, and author Tom Wolfe talks about journalism.
The Colbert ReportS3 Stephanie Lost
Stephen reminds Stephanie Colbertle the turtle to maintain her dignity after losing the Great Turtle Race.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Mending Wall
Gated communities in Iraq -- they've been doing it Florida and the old people seem to like it.
The Colbert ReportS3 Better Know a Protectorate - Guam - Madeleine Bordallo
Stephen tells Guam Rep. Madeleine Bordallo that if she can't find Guam on a map of the continental U.S. that means Guam isn't part of America.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Yuri Kuklachev
Stephen apologizes to Yuri Kuklachev of the Moscow Cat Circus for bringing his Rottweiler to work.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 4/30/07
Scientists find a new Earth-like planet, The New York Times encourages presidential candidates to debate the environment, and guest Bill Bradley talks about oil and ice cream.
The Colbert ReportS3 Tip/Wag - Shrek
Bravo, Shrek, for encouraging our kids to do more than sit around the house all day watching 'Shrek' DVDs.
The Colbert ReportS3 Neil deGrasse Tyson
Stephen assumes Neil deGrasse Tyson's book, "Death By Black Hole," is a pro-capital punishment argument.
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