The Colbert Report

Dead to Me - Long War

Season 3 • 04/25/2007

Stephen and Jaden come up with a new name for the war: Freemerican Victernity Made In China!

More

Watching

00:55

Bye-Bye to Boris
The Colbert ReportS3

Russia's first democratically elected President, Boris Yeltsin, has passed away and the New York Post has paid tribute with their usual class and sensitivity.
04/24/2007
01:12

Sign Off - Captain Lead
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen reminisces about his favorite childhood toys: Captain Lead, General Light Socket, Admiral Dry Cleaning Bag, Lieutenant Fluffy -- and his wad of asbestos.
04/24/2007
00:32

Intro - 4/24/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen discusses President Bush's fight against global warming and the two seats being considered for Congress, and sits down with new age medical guru Dr. Andrew Weil.
04/24/2007
01:35

Alpha Dog of the Week - Uncle Ben
The Colbert ReportS3

After 61 years, Uncle Ben is now not only spokesman of his products but CEO of the company.
04/24/2007
01:18

New Issue of GQ
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen expects the new issue of GQ with him on the cover to be the most popular issue they've ever had.
04/25/2007
04:52

Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-Calypse - Prayer
The Colbert ReportS3

People don't develop special powers, they pray for them. The only reason Superman can fly is because Jesus is carrying him.
04/25/2007
03:10

The Word - Sacrifice
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen supports enlisting illegal immigrants in the war in Iraq, simultaneously bolstering our fighting forces and solving our immigration dilemma.
04/25/2007
00:10

Sign Off - Promises
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep, but he'll see you tomorrow night.
04/25/2007
00:33

Intro - 4/25/07
The Colbert ReportS3

America faces a troop shortage, Stephen unleashes on pop culture, and the U.S. Comptroller General David Walker talks with Stephen about the national debt.
04/25/2007
05:29

David Walker
The Colbert ReportS3

Accountant David Walker warns of a 50 trillion dollar deficit and Stephen asks if his haircut can be a tax write off.
04/25/2007
04:15

Dead to Me - Long War
The Colbert ReportS3

Good news -- the long war in Iraq is over! That is, the use of the phrase 'Long War' is over thanks to Admiral William J. Fallon.
04/25/2007
05:47

Tom Wolfe
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen disagrees with new journalism because he believes people want entertaining journalism, not factual journalism.
04/26/2007
00:31

Intro - 4/26/07
The Colbert ReportS3

The U.S. Army's constructing walls in Iraq, Stephen gets to know Guam better, and author Tom Wolfe talks about journalism.
04/26/2007
03:30

Stephanie Lost
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen reminds Stephanie Colbertle the turtle to maintain her dignity after losing the Great Turtle Race.
04/26/2007
03:48

The Word - Mending Wall
The Colbert ReportS3

Gated communities in Iraq -- they've been doing it Florida and the old people seem to like it.
04/26/2007
05:40

Better Know a Protectorate - Guam - Madeleine Bordallo
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells Guam Rep. Madeleine Bordallo that if she can't find Guam on a map of the continental U.S. that means Guam isn't part of America.
04/26/2007
00:13

Sign Off - Yuri Kuklachev
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen apologizes to Yuri Kuklachev of the Moscow Cat Circus for bringing his Rottweiler to work.
04/26/2007
00:32

Intro - 4/30/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Scientists find a new Earth-like planet, The New York Times encourages presidential candidates to debate the environment, and guest Bill Bradley talks about oil and ice cream.
04/30/2007
04:36

Tip/Wag - Shrek
The Colbert ReportS3

Bravo, Shrek, for encouraging our kids to do more than sit around the house all day watching 'Shrek' DVDs.
04/30/2007
05:20

Neil deGrasse Tyson
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen assumes Neil deGrasse Tyson's book, "Death By Black Hole," is a pro-capital punishment argument.
04/30/2007
05:54

Bill Bradley
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells Bill Bradley he doesn't mind the old American story or being addicted to oil.
04/30/2007
You may also like5 Videos
Trailer
00:30

XXXI Days of Announcing the Holidays

Andrew Catalon of CBS Sports rings in the holiday season with expert commentary on the festive shows, movies and specials airing all December long!
12/01/2023
Trailer
01:43

"South Park: Snow Day!" Video Game Showcases New Gameplay
South Park

"South Park: Snow Day!" immerses players in a new art style, bringing your favorite characters to life while exploring classic locations from the show, now available to preorder in-store.
12/01/2023
Trailer
01:00

"Star Trek: very Short Treks" Has Lightyears of Laughs
Star Trek: very Short TreksS1

Relive the classic vibe of "Star Trek: The Animated Series," and join Riker, Spock and more Starfleet faces on the bite-sized journeys of "Star Trek: very Short Treks," now streaming.
11/22/2023
Trailer
01:00

Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack

A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
Trailer
01:41

This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Cursed Friends

Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022