The Colbert Report

The Word - Better Safe Than Sorry

Season 3 • 05/02/2007

We must kidnap anyone criticizing the abduction and torture of possible terrorists.

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01:22

Mitt's Favorite Book
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Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney's favorite author is L. Ron Hubbard.
05/01/2007
00:33

Intro - 5/1/07
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Stephen wonders whether public radio is destroying America, Tony Stewart accuses NASCAR of fixing races, and guest Malcolm Gladwell defends making decisions without thinking.
05/01/2007
04:16

The Word - Who Cares?
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NASCAR driver Tony Stewart complains NASCAR is selling fiction by fixing races to appear closer than they are, but Stephen asks -- who cares?
05/01/2007
03:56

NPR Correction
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen offers a travel mug, tote bag and a book on quilting to NPR hosts to tempt them to air his inaccurate statements.
05/01/2007
06:19

Malcolm Gladwell
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Malcolm Gladwell explains that Colin Powell knew what would happen in Iraq because of his experience and Stephen claims knowledge is elitist.
05/01/2007
03:00

Stephen's Horse
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As a child, Stephen gave up his velvet hat and jodhpurs to play center field.
05/01/2007
00:32

Intro - 5/2/07
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George Bush vetoes the Iraq funding bill, guest Gina Kolata says Americans are obsessed with losing weight, and captured terrorists: should they be sent abroad to be tortured?
05/02/2007
03:00

HR 1591
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Bill HR 1591 opposing the Iraq war was born May 1st, 2007 at 3:30 p.m. It died May 1st, 2007 at 6:10 p.m. Stephen is sorry for the Democrats' loss.
05/02/2007
05:35

Gina Kolata
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Stephen asks Gina Kolata what the one food is he can eat that will make him lose weight and make sure he never dies.
05/02/2007
07:01

Mike Gravel
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Senator Mike Gravel believes Spartans encouraged homosexuality because they fight harder for the people they love.
05/02/2007
04:02

The Word - Better Safe Than Sorry
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If your name sounds like a terrorist's name, Stephen urges you to prove you are not a terrorist by turning yourself in.
05/02/2007
02:18

Battle of the Surfaces
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How would the Indianapolis Colts stack up against this weekend's Kentucky Derby winner? You cannot sack what you cannot catch.
05/03/2007
00:10

Sign Off - Impatiens
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Stephen has to get his inpatients in this weekend.
05/03/2007
06:20

Conn Iggulden
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Conn Iggulden tells Stephen why it's so important for boys to play dangerous games.
05/03/2007
00:28

Intro - 5/3/07
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Secularism is spreading through Europe, Stephen profiles Virginia's 11th District, and guest Conn Igguden talks about the importance of childhood games.
05/03/2007
06:08

Better Know a District - Virginia's 11th - Tom Davis
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Tom Davis if he'd be willing to be tagged and fitted with a radio collar as part of the Republicans' captive breeding program.
05/03/2007
03:55

The Word - The Unquisition
The Colbert ReportS3

Atheists have finally joined the game and they're selling it hard, including their own manifesto and de-baptisms.
05/03/2007
04:27

Cheating Death - Vaxadrin
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Vaxadrin is the only weight loss pill recommended by Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA.
05/07/2007
00:27

Intro - 5/7/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Democrats widen the definition of hate crime, Stephen introduces a new segment on health, and Richard Preston tells Stephen about people having sex in trees.
05/07/2007
03:34

The Word - The Intolerant
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Stephen suggests a love crimes bill, which would prohibit intolerance of anyone who loves God so much that he cannot tolerate his fellow man.
05/07/2007
03:20

Republican Debate - Diversity
The Colbert ReportS3

Last week's Republican presidential debate featured all the big hitters in the big tent.
05/07/2007
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