The Colbert Report

The Word - Texas Hold 'Em

Season 3 • 01/09/2007

President Bush can't be stopped because politically, he's already dead.

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03:16

The Gallotastic Executacular - Hangin' With Mr. Hussein
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen is upset that Saddam Hussein was executed while Stephen was on vacation, especially as he was already planning a 30-minute special for it.
01/08/2007
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05:51

Ethan Nadelmann
The Colbert ReportS3

Director of the Drug Policy Alliance Ethan Nadelmann argues to legalize marijuana to reduce America's prison population.
01/08/2007
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00:29

Intro - 1/8/07
The Colbert ReportS3

In this episode, Stephen discusses Saddam Hussein's execution, welcomes the new Democratic Congress and interviews Drug Policy Alliance Chair Ethan Nadelmann.
01/08/2007
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04:58

The Word - Facts
The Colbert ReportS3

Since the Democrat's version of reality is unfortunately based on reality, Stephen wants to fight facts with "facts."
01/08/2007
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00:31

Intro - 1/9/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells Boy Scout Council 289 to pack their bags, and wonders why celebrities can't fight to the death.
01/09/2007
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01:55

Sign Off - Farewell, James Brown
The Colbert ReportS3

Though it's sad to lose the Godfather of Soul, there is a silver lining for Stephen.
01/09/2007
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01:24

Not a Sex Scandal
The Colbert ReportS3

On behalf of Catholics everywhere, Stephen thanks Archbishop Wielgus for merely selling out his peers to a godless, totalitarian regime.
01/09/2007
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06:18

Jim Cramer
The Colbert ReportS3

Jim Cramer tells Stephen how to get the most out of watching his show.
01/09/2007
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01:11

Ohio State Loses
The Colbert ReportS3

The Florida Gators don't care what kind of message they're sending to America's enemies.
01/09/2007
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04:54

We the Mediator - Celebrity Feuds
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen picks sides in celebrity fights between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump, Madonna and Angelina Jolie, and Amitabh Bachchan and Shahrukh Khan.
01/09/2007
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03:51

The Word - Texas Hold 'Em
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen has advice for the president: send everyone to Iraq. Americans need to sacrifice more.
01/09/2007
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05:57

David Kamp
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen and David Kamp discuss the fancy-pantsification of American food.
01/10/2007
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01:49

President's Speech
The Colbert ReportS3

Watching President Bush address the nation is like hanging out with your best bud.
01/10/2007
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03:56

The Word - Worry
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen wants to delicately remove Missouri and replace it with a stronger heartland: Texas.
01/10/2007
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02:06

Invasion of the Country Snatchers
The Colbert ReportS3

Winning baby contests is what illegal immigrants are leaving their families and risking their lives to come here for.
01/10/2007
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00:30

Intro - 1/10/07
The Colbert ReportS3

The red states may be turning blue, Tek Jansen has a new adventure, and America's taste in food is getting fancier.
01/10/2007
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00:17

Sign Off - Thawing Meat
The Colbert ReportS3

Never thaw meat, poultry and fish products on the counter or in the sink without cold water.
01/10/2007
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05:23

Tek Jansen - Hounds of Hell: Ragtime Billy Peaches
The Colbert ReportS3

In this episode, Tek Jansen is mysteriously teleported to the combatosphere orbiting over Asteroid Z.
01/10/2007
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03:28

What Number Is Stephen Thinking Of? - Doubled Up
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen reminds his viewers that just because the numbers on the board are between one and five hundred, that doesn't mean the number he's thinking of is.
01/11/2007
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04:02

Tip/Wag - Science and Technology
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen is outraged by the iPhone unless he gets one for free.
01/11/2007
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06:48

Judy Woodruff
The Colbert ReportS3

Judy Woodruff talks about her new PBS documentary on Generation Next and grills Stephen on his tattoos.
01/11/2007
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