The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Headlines - Death Certificate

Season 3 • 05/12/1999

Nineteen minks were gored with a dull spoon so you could look like a whore.

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00:30

Blue Foam Balls
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Jon Stewart previews today's show and promises if someone is good, they'll get one of his blue foam balls.
05/11/1999
02:04

We Fix Everything
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Without guns, we would soon fall prey to the evil machinations of deer and rabbit. They're out there, nibbling ever closer.
05/11/1999
01:32

This Just In - Copping a Feel
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

An illegal strip search of a suspect in a crime results in a federal judge awarding a $5 million settlement to the victim.
05/12/1999
00:15

Moment of Zen - Yeltsin
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Boris Yeltsin delivers a presumably drunk speech.
05/12/1999
00:44

Recap - 5/13/99
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

A recap of today's top stories and a preview of tomorrow's show, including Star Wars coverage.
05/12/1999
02:20

Public Excess - Killing Us Softly
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

A collection of some of the most horrific performers that public access television has to offer.
05/12/1999
04:16

Lobsterman
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

A 300 pound spandex-clad wrestler throws his claw into the presidential campaign ring.
05/12/1999
04:43

Ted Danson
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Ted Danson and his wife are highly competitive, which makes meditating together very difficult.
05/12/1999
01:54

Headlines - Rebel Yeltsin
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Boris Yeltsin emerges from his vodka fog to fire his prime minister for the fourth time.
05/12/1999
01:03

Other News - Pushing the Envelopes
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

J.D. Salinger's ex-lover wants her children to go to college, meet a reclusive author, nail him and then cash in on the relationship later.
05/12/1999
02:02

Headlines - Death Certificate
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

The residents of Beverly Hills are forced to wear fur as they are confronted by temperatures as low as 60 degrees.
05/12/1999
01:09

Other News - Wandering Jews
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

With Israelis in America flying home to vote in the national elections, flight attendants will hear lots of people demanding the kosher meal.
05/13/1999
01:10

Headlines - Cashing Out
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Robert Rubin steps down as White House Treasury Secretary, Bill Clinton has one less secretary to chase around his desk.
05/13/1999
01:05

This Just In - Brave New Worm
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Tapeworms may posses a gene which could help humans live longer, so don't let your dying, rich uncle play in the dirt.
05/13/1999
00:23

Intro - Secret Word
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

In honor of a policeman in the audience, Jon announces the secret word, "cup it."
05/13/1999
00:22

Moment of Zen - Snake Swallow
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

A man puts a snake up his nose and pulls it out his mouth.
05/13/1999
01:11

Headlines - Bloke and Dagger
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

The identities of British spies are revealed online and with a credit card you can see Pussy Galore.
05/13/1999
02:34

Thersday for the Graduates
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Even though Jon Stewart was not asked to give a commencement speech at a school or university, he's decided to give one anyway.
05/13/1999
01:48

Star Wars - The Obligatory Coverage
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Excitement is Hollywood's middle name, especially when it comes to waiting in long lines.
05/13/1999
02:05

Ad Nauseam - Presentation
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Be careful when introducing new characters too abruptly in your commercial, especially when it is a potentially vicious, human sized bunny.
05/13/1999
01:10

Headlines - Plea in My Mouth
The Daily Show with Jon StewartS3

Prosecutors delivered the charges against Larry Flynt in a low, breathy voice.
05/13/1999
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