The Colbert Report
Joining the Illuminati
Season 3 • 07/24/2007
Masters of the Temple, please let Stephen in!
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 7/23/07
Stephen is too busy reading the newly-released final Harry Potter book to introduce the show.
The Colbert ReportS3 Colbert Platinum - Private Submarines
You've got your Lamborghini, you've got your private jet, you've got your schooner -- what should your next expensive vehicle purchase be? A submarine.
The Colbert ReportS3 Stephen's Fountain of Youth
When Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson appeared on The Report, he didn't just get the Colbert Bump -- his hair looked more brown than usual.
The Colbert ReportS3 Simon Schama
Simon Schama says the purpose of art is to unleash the floodgates of passion. Stephen says FEMA has to protect people from the flooding of his passion.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Premium Package
Americans have basic rights, and those rights should not be denied on the basis of their color, creed, or religion -- it should be on the basis of their tax returns.
The Colbert ReportS3 Anthony Romero
ACLU Director Anthony Romero, author of "In Defense of Our America," defends Stephen's right to burn his book.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Modest Porpoisal
Stephen suggests that by eating endangered animals we can prevent their extinction.
The Colbert ReportS3 Movies That Are Destroying America: Chuck and Larry
Stephen just hopes that "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" shows the dark side of gay marriage: Kevin James naked.
The Colbert ReportS3 Bush's Butt
If the Bush administration is so secretive, would they have publicly handed over power to Dick Cheney while the president got a camera stuck up his butt?
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 7/24/07
Stephen discusses a scandal in the German zoo system, talks about the summer blockbuster season and interviews executive director of the ACLU, Anthony Romero.
The Colbert ReportS3 Joining the Illuminati
Stephen tried every crazy handshake he could think of when he met President Bush.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 7/25/07
Scientists develop a removable tattoo, Fred Thompson demotes his campaign manager, and Stephen asks Charles Kaiser if there's a gay Superman.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - No Regrets
Stephen believes that you should never regret a decision but instead get it tattooed on your forehead.
The Colbert ReportS3 Thompson Campaign
Stephen believes America deserves a president who is ready to roll up his sleeves and get to work on a 52-ounce porterhouse.
The Colbert ReportS3 Hometown Hero Town - Bryce Canyon City
In order to establish Colbert Report City, the show will now be taped in Utah. Go Jazz!
The Colbert ReportS3 Daily Kos
Hey New York Times -- Stephen didn't spoil Harry Potter for you, don't ruin the war in Iraq for him.
The Colbert ReportS3 Charles Kaiser
When Charles Kaiser suggests that New York is a gay metropolis because of critical mass, Stephen understands that to mean it's like a dangerous nuclear bomb.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 7/26/07
North Dakota seeks to legalize hemp farming, a goddess is stripped of her title, and Stephen asks Robert Shrum whether he advised Kerry to flip or to flop.
The Colbert ReportS3 Bob Shrum
Democratic campaign strategist Bob Shrum wants to know if Stephen's wrist injury has made him reconsider his position on universal health care.
The Colbert ReportS3 Industrial Hemp & Medical Marijuana - Aaron Houston
Medical marijuana advocate Aaron Houston tells Stephen the only thing you'd get from smoking hemp is the headache of your life.
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