The Colbert Report
Intro - 4/20/09
Season 5 • 04/20/2009
Texas might secede, and Joe Arpaio is America's toughest sheriff.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad
There's a giant gay storm gathering, and before long the winds will be blowing each other.
The Colbert ReportS5 Douglas Kmiec
Douglas Kmiec doesn't want the state to adopt any religion's perspective and impose it on Americans.
The Colbert ReportS5 Teabagging Protests
Perverts sully the patriotic act of a taxpayer rising up, standing over his government and delivering his opinion into the mouth of power.
The Colbert ReportS5 Joe Arpaio
Sheriff Joe Arpaio denies that he focuses too much on illegal immigration.
The Colbert ReportS5 Maersk Alabama - Ken Quinn
Second Mate Ken Quinn and Stephen are returning to sea to hunt pirates in a two-man paddleboat.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen's Only Regrets
Stephen's only regret is all the great stuff that was cut out because the audience wouldn't stop cheering.
The Colbert ReportS5 Anger's Aweigh
Granting vigilantes the right to shoot pirates on the high seas is the free market at its best.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tip/Wag - Texas Secession & MACA
Texas Governor Rick Perry wants to secede, and MACA urges the Obamas to use pesticides in their organic garden.
The Colbert ReportS5 Castro Death Wish List
Stephen wants to force feed Castro hot dogs and make him watch "This Week with George Stephanopoulos."
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/20/09
How to deal with the scourge of piracy -- if only there were a form of transportation besides boats.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Stressed Position
Americans will get justice for torture without making any of the good guys pay the price.
The Colbert ReportS5 George Will's Demon Denim
George Will launches a righteous attack against Satan's denim leg tubes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Who's Riding My Coattails Now? - Blown Away by the USA
Act now and receive Stephen's patriotic CD collection: "Blown Away by the USA," "Stunned by the States" and "Flabbergasted by the Flag."
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/21/09
President Obama releases CIA torture memos. It's like the greatest hits of our greatest hits.
The Colbert ReportS5 Mike Krzyzewski
Mike Krzyzewski differentiates between teamwork and socialism.
The Colbert ReportS5 Special DVD Commentary
Stephen offers special DVD commentary for those who recorded tonight's show and burned it onto a DVD.
The Colbert ReportS5 Ira Glass
Stephen wants to know if Ira Glass will be just as lifeless hosting a live cinema performance as he is on the radio.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/22/09
President Obama returns from the Summit of the Americas, and Stephen looks forward to making fun of Ira Glass' glasses.
The Colbert ReportS5 "The Price Is Right" Goes Green
Stephen bids less than a dollar on environmentally friendly prizes.
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