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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Intro - 10/29/09
Season 5 • 10/29/2009
Nothing goes better with the Beatles than a good beating.
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Watching
05:48
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - You-Genics
Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
10/28/2009
01:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
10/28/2009
01:44
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Future Stephen
Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
10/28/2009
06:05
The Colbert Report
S5
Brian Cox
Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
10/28/2009
04:12
The Colbert Report
S5
Big Bang Theory
Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
10/28/2009
01:52
The Colbert Report
S5
USA Today Slams Dirigibles
The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
10/29/2009
00:14
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash
Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
10/29/2009
05:13
The Colbert Report
S5
Bill Simmons
Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
10/29/2009
06:37
The Colbert Report
S5
We Got the Beating - Rosanne Cash
Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
10/29/2009
05:12
The Colbert Report
S5
ThreatDown - Halloween Edition
Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
10/29/2009
00:30
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 10/29/09
Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
10/29/2009
00:23
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/2/09
Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
11/02/2009
03:20
The Colbert Report
S5
Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
11/02/2009
01:43
The Colbert Report
S5
Used Karzai
Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
11/02/2009
05:32
The Colbert Report
S5
Nicholas Thompson
Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
11/02/2009
07:34
The Colbert Report
S5
Sport Report - NYC Marathon & Olympic Speedskating
An American finally wins the New York City marathon, and the Colbert Nation becomes the official sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team.
11/02/2009
00:21
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Donate to the U.S. Speedskating Team
Make sure that it's America's 38-inch thighs on the Olympics medal platform by donating to the U.S. speedskating team.
11/02/2009
02:00
The Colbert Report
S5
Canadian Hackers Sabotage Colbert Nation
Despite Canadian hackers taking down the donations link, you heroes have already raised $40,000 for the U.S. Speedskating team.
11/03/2009
00:18
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - They Call Me Mister Fry
If you are going to be in New York, check out "They Call Me Mister Fry" at the Comic Strip Live.
11/03/2009
07:20
The Colbert Report
S5
Andrew Sullivan
Andrew Sullivan details Barack Obama's achievements in improved international relations, health care reform and bipartisanship.
11/03/2009
05:38
The Colbert Report
S5
Nailed 'Em - Mormon Church Trespassing
The Mormon Church arrested Derek Jones and Matt Aune for criminal trespassing, not for being gay.
11/03/2009
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Guest Host Roy Wood Jr. Takes Over The Daily Show
Comedian and seasoned Daily Show veteran Roy Wood Jr. leads the field and steps behind the desk as guest host, starting Monday at 11/10c.
03/30/2023
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Awkwafina is Nora from Queens
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Awkwafina is Nora from Queens Really Goes for It on Season 3
Nora is really, really, really trying to be an adult this time, and the results speak for themselves when Season 3 of Awkwafina is Nora from Queens premieres April 26 at 10:30/9:30c.
03/30/2023
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Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack
A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
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A Familiar Face Returns in Teen Wolf: The Movie
Derek Hale finds himself fighting for his life when a skilled hunter tracks down him and his son Eli in Teen Wolf: The Movie, premiering Thursday, January 26, 2023, on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
Trailer
01:41
Cursed Friends
This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022