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The Colbert Report
Intro - 10/29/09
Season 5 • 10/29/2009
Nothing goes better with the Beatles than a good beating.
More
Watching
05:48
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - You-Genics
Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
10/28/2009
01:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
10/28/2009
01:44
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Future Stephen
Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
10/28/2009
06:05
The Colbert Report
S5
Brian Cox
Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
10/28/2009
04:12
The Colbert Report
S5
Big Bang Theory
Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
10/28/2009
01:52
The Colbert Report
S5
USA Today Slams Dirigibles
The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
10/29/2009
00:14
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash
Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
10/29/2009
05:13
The Colbert Report
S5
Bill Simmons
Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
10/29/2009
06:37
The Colbert Report
S5
We Got the Beating - Rosanne Cash
Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
10/29/2009
05:12
The Colbert Report
S5
ThreatDown - Halloween Edition
Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
10/29/2009
00:30
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 10/29/09
Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
10/29/2009
00:23
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/2/09
Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
11/02/2009
03:20
The Colbert Report
S5
Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
11/02/2009
01:43
The Colbert Report
S5
Used Karzai
Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
11/02/2009
05:32
The Colbert Report
S5
Nicholas Thompson
Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
11/02/2009
07:34
The Colbert Report
S5
Sport Report - NYC Marathon & Olympic Speedskating
An American finally wins the New York City marathon, and the Colbert Nation becomes the official sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team.
11/02/2009
00:21
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Donate to the U.S. Speedskating Team
Make sure that it's America's 38-inch thighs on the Olympics medal platform by donating to the U.S. speedskating team.
11/02/2009
02:00
The Colbert Report
S5
Canadian Hackers Sabotage Colbert Nation
Despite Canadian hackers taking down the donations link, you heroes have already raised $40,000 for the U.S. Speedskating team.
11/03/2009
00:18
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - They Call Me Mister Fry
If you are going to be in New York, check out "They Call Me Mister Fry" at the Comic Strip Live.
11/03/2009
07:20
The Colbert Report
S5
Andrew Sullivan
Andrew Sullivan details Barack Obama's achievements in improved international relations, health care reform and bipartisanship.
11/03/2009
05:38
The Colbert Report
S5
Nailed 'Em - Mormon Church Trespassing
The Mormon Church arrested Derek Jones and Matt Aune for criminal trespassing, not for being gay.
11/03/2009
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Destiny Is Calling on the New Season of Crank Yankers
Desus & Mero, Wanda Sykes, Jimmy Kimmel and even more of your faves are back for more pranking puppet hijinks when Crank Yankers returns Wednesday, July 6 at 8/7c.
06/23/2022
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Hot Mess Holiday
Diwali Gets Wild in Hot Mess Holiday
Melanie Chandra and Surina Jindal embark on a zany weekend adventure during Diwali in the Comedy Central original movie Hot Mess Holiday, now streaming.
12/20/2021
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A Clüsterfünke Christmas
A Clüsterfünke Christmas Is TV's Holiday-est Movie
Featuring a hunky lumberjack, a quaint family business and more, everybody's favorite holiday tropes come together in Comedy Central's festive TV-movie parody, A Clüsterfünke Christmas.
12/17/2021
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Every Episode of Seinfeld Is Now on Comedy Central
Every moment, every character and every yada, yada, yada of Seinfeld is now on Comedy Central.
11/10/2021