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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Sarah Palin Will Be Missed
Season 5 • 07/27/2009
Stephen randomly pulls his speech out of a hat to say goodbye to Sarah Palin.
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Watching
02:40
The Longest Solar Eclipse of the Century
The Colbert Report
S5
Xenu returned Asia's sun, but he will devour it again unless India returns America's outsourced jobs and China forgives the national debt.
07/22/2009
00:05
Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for The Report, everybody.
07/22/2009
04:51
Zev Chafets
The Colbert Report
S5
Zev Chafets doesn't have a problem with steroid use in baseball, but he is concerned about its cover-up.
07/23/2009
00:12
Sign Off - TiVo
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen doesn't want to know how the show ends because he's TiVo'ing it.
07/23/2009
05:45
Health Care Hell-Scare - Die-agnosis: Mur-DR
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen invites expert victims from Canada, France and Spain to relay their horrible experiences of socialized medicine.
07/23/2009
03:04
Health Care Reform Is the Matrix
The Colbert Report
S5
President Obama's health care reform is a dystopian future filled with chaos and floor-length leather trench coats.
07/23/2009
05:59
ThreatDown - Henry Louis Gates Jr., Bill Gates & Wilford Brimley
The Colbert Report
S5
Henry Louis Gates Jr. commits the perfect crime, Bill Gates tries to control the weather, and Wilford Brimley has too much free time.
07/23/2009
00:37
Intro - 7/27/09
The Colbert Report
S5
A report on tasers may shock you, and Swedish band Movits! helps Stephen put his Ikea futon together.
07/27/2009
03:37
Movits!
The Colbert Report
S5
Because the guys from Movits! are from Sweden, they're forced to have the same hair length and glasses.
07/27/2009
04:14
Nailed 'Em - Library Crime
The Colbert Report
S5
The local library bans Dominic Philip after spotting a photo of him tooting a kazoo in their summer reading parade.
07/27/2009
02:50
Sarah Palin Will Be Missed
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen says goodbye to Sarah Palin in the same way he imagines she writes her own speeches.
07/27/2009
04:57
Womb Raiders - Orly Taitz
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen thanks Orly Taitz for being one of the few people willing to compare the Obama administration to Nazi Germany.
07/28/2009
05:45
Arianna Huffington
The Colbert Report
S5
Arianna Huffington was born in the United States, but she cultivated an accent to give herself an air of being an ethnic minority.
07/28/2009
02:11
President Obama's Teachable Moment
The Colbert Report
S5
Obama's teaching: if you arrest a black man under questionable circumstances, you get to have a beer with the president.
07/28/2009
00:20
Sign Off - Devil's Tricks
The Colbert Report
S5
One of the greatest tricks the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
07/28/2009
06:18
Womb Raiders - The Fight for the Truth Behind Obama's Birth
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen wants to hear from one of the sperm that witnessed President Obama's conception in order to verify his birthplace.
07/28/2009
00:31
Intro - 7/29/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Lance Armstrong comes in third in the Tour de France, and Kevin Baker says Obama is the new Hoover.
07/29/2009
03:19
Sport Report - Tour de France & Robotic Baseball
The Colbert Report
S5
A person who isn't Lance Armstrong wins the Tour de France, and Japanese robots make baseball interesting.
07/29/2009
00:21
Sign Off - Watch Without Blinking
The Colbert Report
S5
If you watch this episode again without blinking, you get three percent more programming.
07/29/2009
03:04
Frank the Roommate
The Colbert Report
S5
After Viacom's profits fall by 32%, Stephen cuts his costs by taking on a roommate.
07/29/2009
05:17
Kevin Baker
The Colbert Report
S5
Kevin Baker believes President Obama sees what needs to be done but is too reluctant to break with Congress.
07/29/2009
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