The Colbert Report

Sarah Palin Will Be Missed

Season 5 • 07/27/2009

Stephen randomly pulls his speech out of a hat to say goodbye to Sarah Palin.

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00:05

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Goodnight

That's it for The Report, everybody.
07/22/2009
04:51

The Colbert ReportS5
Zev Chafets

Zev Chafets doesn't have a problem with steroid use in baseball, but he is concerned about its cover-up.
07/23/2009
00:12

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - TiVo

Stephen doesn't want to know how the show ends because he's TiVo'ing it.
07/23/2009
05:45

The Colbert ReportS5
Health Care Hell-Scare - Die-agnosis: Mur-DR

Stephen invites expert victims from Canada, France and Spain to relay their horrible experiences of socialized medicine.
07/23/2009
03:04

The Colbert ReportS5
Health Care Reform Is the Matrix

President Obama's health care reform is a dystopian future filled with chaos and floor-length leather trench coats.
07/23/2009
06:33

The Colbert ReportS5
Exclusive - stePhens iPhone

The iPhone is a slippery slope that ends with us surrendering our humanity to anything with wi-fi and a flat screen.
07/23/2009
05:59

The Colbert ReportS5
ThreatDown - Henry Louis Gates Jr., Bill Gates & Wilford Brimley

Henry Louis Gates Jr. commits the perfect crime, Bill Gates tries to control the weather, and Wilford Brimley has too much free time.
07/23/2009
00:37

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 7/27/09

A report on tasers may shock you, and Swedish band Movits! helps Stephen put his Ikea futon together.
07/27/2009
03:37

The Colbert ReportS5
Movits!

Because the guys from Movits! are from Sweden, they're forced to have the same hair length and glasses.
07/27/2009
04:14

The Colbert ReportS5
Nailed 'Em - Library Crime

The local library bans Dominic Philip after spotting a photo of him tooting a kazoo in their summer reading parade.
07/27/2009
02:50

The Colbert ReportS5
Sarah Palin Will Be Missed

Stephen says goodbye to Sarah Palin in the same way he imagines she writes her own speeches.
07/27/2009
04:57

The Colbert ReportS5
Womb Raiders - Orly Taitz

Stephen thanks Orly Taitz for being one of the few people willing to compare the Obama administration to Nazi Germany.
07/28/2009
05:45

The Colbert ReportS5
Arianna Huffington

Arianna Huffington was born in the United States, but she cultivated an accent to give herself an air of being an ethnic minority.
07/28/2009
02:11

The Colbert ReportS5
President Obama's Teachable Moment

Obama's teaching: if you arrest a black man under questionable circumstances, you get to have a beer with the president.
07/28/2009
00:20

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Devil's Tricks

One of the greatest tricks the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
07/28/2009
06:18

The Colbert ReportS5
Womb Raiders - The Fight for the Truth Behind Obama's Birth

Stephen wants to hear from one of the sperm that witnessed President Obama's conception in order to verify his birthplace.
07/28/2009
00:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 7/29/09

Lance Armstrong comes in third in the Tour de France, and Kevin Baker says Obama is the new Hoover.
07/29/2009
03:19

The Colbert ReportS5
Sport Report - Tour de France & Robotic Baseball

A person who isn't Lance Armstrong wins the Tour de France, and Japanese robots make baseball interesting.
07/29/2009
00:21

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Watch Without Blinking

If you watch this episode again without blinking, you get three percent more programming.
07/29/2009
03:04

The Colbert ReportS5
Frank the Roommate

After Viacom's profits fall by 32%, Stephen cuts his costs by taking on a roommate.
07/29/2009
05:17

The Colbert ReportS5
Kevin Baker

Kevin Baker believes President Obama sees what needs to be done but is too reluctant to break with Congress.
07/29/2009
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