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The Colbert Report
Tom Daschle Steps Down
Season 5 • 02/03/2009
Tom Daschle folds like an origami tax form that he forgot to fill out.
More
Watching
04:02
The Colbert Report
S5
The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act
Stephen will now have to discriminate under the table, which will be difficult, since that's where he usually does his harassing.
02/02/2009
05:39
The Colbert Report
S5
Nailed 'Em - Amtrak Photographer
Amtrak police arrest a man because he's taking pictures for their photography contest.
02/02/2009
03:05
The Colbert Report
S5
It Could Be Worse - Iceland
Iceland is a frigid rock in the middle of nowhere that has gone bankrupt and gone gay.
02/02/2009
00:35
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 2/2/09
The government collapses in Iceland, or as it will soon be known thanks to global warming, Landland.
02/02/2009
05:35
The Colbert Report
S5
Dan Zaccagnino
Stephen is angry with Dan Zaccagnino for allowing Indaba Music users to remix his interview.
02/02/2009
07:07
The Colbert Report
S5
Henry Louis Gates, Jr.
Henry Louis Gates, Jr. says Abraham Lincoln was always against slavery, but he wasn't a fan of black people.
02/03/2009
00:14
The Colbert Report
S5
All the Show We Have Time For
Fortunately, it's also all the time we have show for.
02/03/2009
04:13
The Colbert Report
S5
Colbert Platinum - Ass-Covering Edition
If you really want to convince people you're dead, you need to actually die.
02/03/2009
05:29
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - Army of One
If Republicans do what Rush Limbaugh says, they'll get the only vote that matters: his.
02/03/2009
00:33
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 2/3/09
Republicans choose a new leader. Don't worry -- they're the same old ideas.
02/03/2009
02:35
The Colbert Report
S5
Tom Daschle Steps Down
If this were the Bush administration, Tom Daschle would have never stepped down -- not without a medal of freedom.
02/03/2009
04:39
The Colbert Report
S5
Who's Not Honoring Me Now? - The Newberry Awards
Al Gore has already won an Oscar, an Emmy, a Nobel Prize and the 2000 presidential election -- he doesn't need a Grammy.
02/04/2009
00:32
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 2/4/09
Pope Benedict reinstates a Holocaust-denying bishop. Frankly, Stephen is skeptical of the evidence that he actually reinstated him.
02/04/2009
00:09
The Colbert Report
S5
Tell Your Friends
If you didn't like what you saw, Stephen will tell your enemies.
02/04/2009
03:01
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen Verbally Thrashes Steve Martin
Stephen explodes after Steve Martin walks through his eyeline.
02/04/2009
04:33
The Colbert Report
S5
Yahweh or No Way - The Super Bowl
God helping both teams in a football game would be as impossible as loving both Christians and Muslims.
02/04/2009
00:13
The Colbert Report
S5
Keep Your Friends Close
You can keep your enemies closer by hating yourself.
02/05/2009
00:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 2/5/09
What's in the stimulus package? Stephen's guessing high-fructose corn syrup because that stuff is in everything.
02/05/2009
02:40
The Colbert Report
S5
Stelephant Colbert the Elephant Seal
Stephen has a hideous elephant seal named after him.
02/05/2009
02:03
The Colbert Report
S5
Alpha Dog of the Week - Boy Scouts of America
The Boy Scouts of America proudly raise the Scout sign and tell their own conservation code to read between the lines.
02/05/2009
07:03
The Colbert Report
S5
Jonah Lehrer
Jonah Lehrer talks about finding a balance between the rational and the emotional in decision-making.
02/05/2009
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