The Colbert Report
Intro - 9/16/09
Season 5 • 09/16/2009
An animal is named after a celebrity who is not Stephen -- even more reason to hunt it to extinction.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen Loses World Record to Lou Dobbs
Lou Dobbs beats Stephen with the world record for most insults to Mexico in a single broadcast.
The Colbert ReportS5 Christiane Amanpour
Christiane Amanpour is going to make Americans care about the rest of the world with her CNN show "Amanpour."
The Colbert ReportS5 Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission - Jeffrey Toobin
Jeffrey Toobin explains what will happen to elections if the Supreme Court decides in favor of corporations.
The Colbert ReportS5 World Record for Mexican Insults
Stephen tries to set his own record for most insults to Mexico in a single nightly news broadcast.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Let Freedom Ka-Ching
Corporations do everything people do except breathe, die and go to jail for dumping 1.3 million pounds of PCBs in the Hudson River.
The Colbert ReportS5 I's on Edjukashun - Muslim Textbooks & Tony Danza
Obama indoctrinates America's school children, Tucker Carlson reveals Muslims' influence on textbooks, and Tony Danza teaches high school.
The Colbert ReportS5 Figgy Moonpowder
If David Bowie is going to muscle into Stephen's turf by having a spider named after him, Stephen will introduce his alter ego, Figgy Moonpowder.
The Colbert ReportS5 Body Worlds Plans Cadaver Sex Exhibit
The Body Worlds exhibit devoted to cadaver sex makes being dead look like too much fun.
The Colbert ReportS5 Wayne Coyne
Stephen asks The Flaming Lips' Wayne Coyne how bad things must be in Oklahoma that "Do You Realize??" is its official rock song.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 9/16/09
Stephen takes an in-depth look at education, and The Flaming Lips' two-story plush hippo doesn't get through security.
The Colbert ReportS5 Goat Lab
Stephen resurrects the U.S. military technique of staring at a goat to make its heart explode.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sport Report - U.S. Open & NFL Wheel of Scandal
Juan Martin del Potro wins the U.S. Open, and Stephen predicts which NFL player will get in trouble next with the Wheel of Scandal.
The Colbert ReportS5 Goat Lab - Jon Ronson
Jon Ronson explains why the U.S. military trained soldiers to use sparkly eyes on the enemy and kill goats with their minds.
The Colbert ReportS5 Frank Bruni
Frank Bruni talks about mastering his addiction to compulsive eating as a food critic for the New York Times.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Shofar Goodnight
Stephen says goodnight with his shofar.
The Colbert ReportS5 Shai Agassi
Shai Agassi explains his electric car network that's modeled after cell phone plans.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tip/Wag - Guns on Amtrak, Fake Lesbians & Battleship Audition
The Senate allows guns on Amtrak trains, fake lesbians push products, and Stephen auditions for "Battleship" with Jeff Goldblum.
The Colbert ReportS5 Atone Phone - Jon Stewart Calls to Apologize
Jon calls 1-888-MOSS-LEW to apologize for not having paid for his bed of moss yet.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 9/22/09
The Senate votes to allow guns on trains, and Shai Agassi wants us all to drive electric cars.
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