The Colbert Report
Tip/Wag - Assassination Squads, Biblical History & Gay Penguins
Season 5 • 07/15/2009
The CIA ends its secret program to assassinate Al Qaeda leaders, and two male penguins break up.
The Colbert ReportS5 Leymah Gbowee
Leymah Gbowee organized a sex strike among women until the Liberian civil war ended.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Guns, Credit, and Corn
The American government can use the defense budget to pay for health care and just turn sick people into a weapons program.
The Colbert ReportS5 Senator Wences Questions Sonia Sotomayor
Senator Wences asks Sonia Sotomayor the tough questions while still maintaining cultural sensitivity.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - The Pitcher in the Oat
Stephen reads his J.D. Salinger tribute prequel, written under the pseudonym, J.D. Stephenger.
The Colbert ReportS5 Raise High the Rage Beams
If J.D. Salinger doesn't come on the show, Stephen will publish his prequel, "The Pitcher in the Oat," under the pseudonym J.D. Stephenger.
The Colbert ReportS5 Difference Makers - Doug Jackson
Thanks to State Senator Doug Jackson, it's now legal to carry a concealed weapon into a bar in Tennessee.
The Colbert ReportS5 Douglas Rushkoff
Douglas Rushkoff discusses the downfalls of operating the world like a corporation and how to weaken corporate influence.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen Wants to Be the Worst Person in the World
Stephen tries to make it onto Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person in the World" list by slapping a baby with a puppy.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 7/15/09
There's bad news for people with target-shaped birthmarks, and Douglas Rushkoff lets Jews and Freemasons off the hook.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - No Man Is a Failure
No man is a failure who has friends, unless his friends are failures.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tip/Wag - Assassination Squads, Biblical History & Gay Penguins
The CIA shuts down its assassination program, Texas wants Christianity taught in history, and two male penguins end their relationship.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Neutral Man's Burden
Sonia Sotomayor's personal background should be neutralized the way Band-Aids were when they reached out to minorities.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 7/16/09
Stephen is emotionally dead inside, and Ed Andrews should write about teen vampires if he wants to get out of debt.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Memy Awards
Stephen announces the nominees for the Memy Awards' one and only category: Outstanding Individual.
The Colbert ReportS5 Edmund Andrews
Edmund Andrews explains how he fell victim to the mortgage crisis as a New York Times economics reporter.
The Colbert ReportS5 Cheating Death - Diabetes Dogs, Chocolate Milk & Swearing in Pain
Dogs help fight diabetes, chocolate milk replaces sports drinks, and swearing after an injury alleviates pain.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Stephen Wins
If you've had half as much fun watching the show as Stephen has had doing it, then he's had twice as much fun.
The Colbert ReportS5 Walter Cronkite Remembered
Walter Cronkite's passing doesn't get the kind of cable news attention Stephen believes it deserves.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sport Report - Jessica Simpson, Olympic Brothel & Bud Light
Tony Romo breaks up with Jessica Simpson, an Olympic hopeful opens a brothel, and Stephen loves the taste of Bud Light.
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