The Colbert Report
Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Paraphrase
Season 7 • 09/07/2011
Martin Luther King Jr. gets the Reader's Digest treatment on his memorial.
Michele Bachmann's Natural Disaster MetaphorThe Colbert ReportS7
In Michele Bachmann's metaphor, God represents the American people, politicians represent themselves, and the hurricane represents the earthquake.
Cheating Death - Placebocisers & VaxamalgamThe Colbert ReportS7
The American Council on Exercise finds that toning shoes offer no benefits, and pharmaceutical companies create two-for-one combination pills to extend their patents.
The Word - Happy EndingsThe Colbert ReportS7
Since people know how everything ends, they can either worry or they can enjoy the show.
Sign Off - PlacebocisersThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen puts on Prescott Orthopedics' shin-core toning Placebociser.
Tim PawlentyThe Colbert ReportS7
Tim Pawlenty discusses his reasons for dropping out of the presidential race and endorses Stephen in the 2012 election.
Sign Off - Stephen Uses His iPadThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen takes a break from his iPad to say good night.
This Weak in National SecowardtyThe Colbert ReportS7
Whenever terrorists come up with a new way to attack air travel, the TSA finds innovative ways to overreact, but all that security is about to disappear.
Robin WrightThe Colbert ReportS7
Robin Wright believes that, by rejecting extremism, Muslims have created the most important political turning point of the early 21st century.
PARRY-with-an-A-GATE! - Day 26 - UpdateThe Colbert ReportS7
WOI station manager and men's room Emmy fluffer Ray Cole sends an update on the Rick Parry write-in scandal.
Intro - 9/7/11The Colbert ReportS7
Controversy erupts over a DC monument, Des Moines may be hiding something, and Robin Wright discusses her book on the Arab Spring.
Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial ParaphraseThe Colbert ReportS7
Controversy develops around the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial, and not just because the sculptor mistakenly made him white.
Barack Obama's Jobs SpeechThe Colbert ReportS7
To reach the unemployed, Barack Obama should deliver his speech when the unemployed are watching TV: at 3 a.m., right after a Slap Chop commercial.
Sign Off - Old Milwaukee BeerThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen says good night and sips from his can of Old Milwaukee.
Republican Presidential Debate Media CoverageThe Colbert ReportS7
All the 2012 election media coverage until now has been bulls**t, but everything from here out is crucial, life-or-death stuff.
Tom BrokawThe Colbert ReportS7
Tom Brokaw recalls the experience of reporting on the 9/11 attacks and explores how Americans have been shaped by the tragedy.
Rick Perry PresentsThe Colbert ReportS7
Rick Perry takes on the 800-pound gorilla in the room, being stomped on by the elephant in the room, being ridden by the emperor who has no clothes: Social Security.
Diane SawyerThe Colbert ReportS7
Diane Sawyer discusses the unedited recordings of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, released 50 years after John F. Kennedy's inauguration.
Sign Off - Stephen's MugThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen says goodnight and takes a big swig from his Colbert Report mug.
Shopping GriefportunitiesThe Colbert ReportS7
If Americans can exploit the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks to make a quick buck, it's like hitting the terrorists with economic Jujitsu.
Stephen Reports on an Old-Fashioned HeroThe Colbert ReportS7
Newspapers are part of America's past, like buggy whip makers and the middle class, but they still perform an important function.
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