The Colbert Report

Sign Off - Promises

Season 3 • 04/25/2007

Stephen doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep.

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00:55

Bye-Bye to Boris
The Colbert ReportS3

Russia's first democratically elected President, Boris Yeltsin, has passed away and the New York Post has paid tribute with their usual class and sensitivity.
04/24/2007
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01:12

Sign Off - Captain Lead
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen reminisces about his favorite childhood toys: Captain Lead, General Light Socket, Admiral Dry Cleaning Bag, Lieutenant Fluffy -- and his wad of asbestos.
04/24/2007
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00:32

Intro - 4/24/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen discusses President Bush's fight against global warming and the two seats being considered for Congress, and sits down with new age medical guru Dr. Andrew Weil.
04/24/2007
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01:35

Alpha Dog of the Week - Uncle Ben
The Colbert ReportS3

After 61 years, Uncle Ben is now not only spokesman of his products but CEO of the company.
04/24/2007
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01:18

New Issue of GQ
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen expects the new issue of GQ with him on the cover to be the most popular issue they've ever had.
04/25/2007
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04:52

Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-Calypse - Prayer
The Colbert ReportS3

People don't develop special powers, they pray for them. The only reason Superman can fly is because Jesus is carrying him.
04/25/2007
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03:10

The Word - Sacrifice
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen supports enlisting illegal immigrants in the war in Iraq, simultaneously bolstering our fighting forces and solving our immigration dilemma.
04/25/2007
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04:15

Dead to Me - Long War
The Colbert ReportS3

Good news -- the long war in Iraq is over! That is, the use of the phrase 'Long War' is over thanks to Admiral William J. Fallon.
04/25/2007
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00:33

Intro - 4/25/07
The Colbert ReportS3

America faces a troop shortage, Stephen unleashes on pop culture, and the U.S. Comptroller General David Walker talks with Stephen about the national debt.
04/25/2007
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05:29

David Walker
The Colbert ReportS3

Accountant David Walker warns of a 50 trillion dollar deficit and Stephen asks if his haircut can be a tax write off.
04/25/2007
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00:10

Sign Off - Promises
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep, but he'll see you tomorrow night.
04/25/2007
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05:47

Tom Wolfe
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen disagrees with new journalism because he believes people want entertaining journalism, not factual journalism.
04/26/2007
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00:31

Intro - 4/26/07
The Colbert ReportS3

The U.S. Army's constructing walls in Iraq, Stephen gets to know Guam better, and author Tom Wolfe talks about journalism.
04/26/2007
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03:30

Stephanie Lost
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen reminds Stephanie Colbertle the turtle to maintain her dignity after losing the Great Turtle Race.
04/26/2007
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03:48

The Word - Mending Wall
The Colbert ReportS3

Gated communities in Iraq -- they've been doing it Florida and the old people seem to like it.
04/26/2007
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05:40

Better Know a Protectorate - Guam - Madeleine Bordallo
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells Guam Rep. Madeleine Bordallo that if she can't find Guam on a map of the continental U.S. that means Guam isn't part of America.
04/26/2007
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00:13

Sign Off - Yuri Kuklachev
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen apologizes to Yuri Kuklachev of the Moscow Cat Circus for bringing his Rottweiler to work.
04/26/2007
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00:32

Intro - 4/30/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Scientists find a new Earth-like planet, The New York Times encourages presidential candidates to debate the environment, and guest Bill Bradley talks about oil and ice cream.
04/30/2007
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04:36

Tip/Wag - Shrek
The Colbert ReportS3

Bravo, Shrek, for encouraging our kids to do more than sit around the house all day watching 'Shrek' DVDs.
04/30/2007
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05:20

Neil deGrasse Tyson
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen assumes Neil deGrasse Tyson's book, "Death By Black Hole," is a pro-capital punishment argument.
04/30/2007
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05:54

Bill Bradley
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells Bill Bradley he doesn't mind the old American story or being addicted to oil.
04/30/2007
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