The Colbert Report
Intro - 3/5/09
Season 5 • 03/05/2009
The Obama administration goes after pundits.
Intro - 3/4/09The Colbert ReportS5
Will NASA name part of the space station after Stephen if he changes his name to Stephen Urine Filtration System?
Space Module: Colbert - Scientology's New Galactic OverlordThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is ahead of Xenu in NASA's space station module votes, making him Scientology's new galactic overlord.
Doom Bunker - Jack Jacobs and Stephen MooreThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen makes up horrific doomsday scenarios for Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore to discuss.
Doom Bunker - Glenn Beck's "War Room"The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen encourages Glenn Beck to crank up the crazy and rip off the knob.
Obama's Swing SetThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen has to respect Barack Obama for putting together a swing set on the South Lawn.
Steven JohnsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Steven Johnson talks about Joseph Priestley, the man who first realized that plants actually create the oxygen we breathe.
Tip/Wag - Rush LimbaughThe Colbert ReportS5
Rush Limbaugh doesn't care what the Constitution says, which is proof that he is the true leader of the Republican Party.
Market Psychology - Jim CramerThe Colbert ReportS5
Jim Cramer discusses the psychology of the open market with a backdrop of puppies and kittens.
Intro - 3/5/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Obama administration goes after pundits. John King, set your magic screen to stun.
Better Know a District - Wyoming's At-Large - Cynthia LummisThe Colbert ReportS5
Representative Cynthia Lummis judges a selection of Stephen's meats.
The Word - Locked and LoathedThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen longs for a day when gun owners no longer have to hide their relationships with their concealed weapons.
Intro - 3/9/09The Colbert ReportS5
If Stacy drugged Rex's drink, who is going to perform Felicia's brain surgery?
Sleep Tight, AbrahamThe Colbert ReportS5
Sleep tight, Abraham. You've got a big day tomorrow.
Lisa HanniganThe Colbert ReportS5
Lisa Hannigan sewed the cover, liner notes and lyrics of her album "Sea Sew."
New Baby Abraham Carter GroszThe Colbert ReportS5
Any script, teleplay or offspring generated by an employee of The Colbert Report is the intellectual property of Stephen Colbert.
Sick Three-WayThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is an unwilling party to your sick three-way, and he'll see you in court.
Jay KeaslingThe Colbert ReportS5
Jay Keasling says the same yeast that we use to produce beer and bread will soon be fueling our cars and planes.
Space Module: Colbert - William GerstenmaierThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen asks William Gerstenmaier to commit to naming the space module "Colbert," if he wins the online vote.
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