The Colbert Report
Colbert Platinum - Ass-Covering Edition
Season 5 • 02/03/2009
Marcus Schrenker's mistake was that he didn't commit.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act
Stephen will now have to discriminate under the table, which will be difficult, since that's where he usually does his harassing.
The Colbert ReportS5 Nailed 'Em - Amtrak Photographer
Amtrak police arrest a man because he's taking pictures for their photography contest.
The Colbert ReportS5 It Could Be Worse - Iceland
Iceland is a frigid rock in the middle of nowhere that has gone bankrupt and gone gay.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 2/2/09
The government collapses in Iceland, or as it will soon be known thanks to global warming, Landland.
The Colbert ReportS5 Dan Zaccagnino
Stephen is angry with Dan Zaccagnino for allowing Indaba Music users to remix his interview.
The Colbert ReportS5 Henry Louis Gates, Jr.
Henry Louis Gates, Jr. says Abraham Lincoln was always against slavery, but he wasn't a fan of black people.
The Colbert ReportS5 All the Show We Have Time For
Fortunately, it's also all the time we have show for.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tom Daschle Steps Down
If this were the Bush administration, Tom Daschle would have never stepped down -- not without a medal of freedom.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Army of One
If Republicans do what Rush Limbaugh says, they'll get the only vote that matters: his.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 2/3/09
Republicans choose a new leader. Don't worry -- they're the same old ideas.
The Colbert ReportS5 Colbert Platinum - Ass-Covering Edition
If you really want to convince people you're dead, you need to actually die.
The Colbert ReportS5 Who's Not Honoring Me Now? - The Newberry Awards
Al Gore has already won an Oscar, an Emmy, a Nobel Prize and the 2000 presidential election -- he doesn't need a Grammy.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 2/4/09
Pope Benedict reinstates a Holocaust-denying bishop. Frankly, Stephen is skeptical of the evidence that he actually reinstated him.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tell Your Friends
If you didn't like what you saw, Stephen will tell your enemies.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen Verbally Thrashes Steve Martin
Stephen explodes after Steve Martin walks through his eyeline.
The Colbert ReportS5 Yahweh or No Way - The Super Bowl
God helping both teams in a football game would be as impossible as loving both Christians and Muslims.
The Colbert ReportS5 Keep Your Friends Close
You can keep your enemies closer by hating yourself.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 2/5/09
What's in the stimulus package? Stephen's guessing high-fructose corn syrup because that stuff is in everything.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stelephant Colbert the Elephant Seal
Stephen has a hideous elephant seal named after him.
The Colbert ReportS5 Alpha Dog of the Week - Boy Scouts of America
The Boy Scouts of America proudly raise the Scout sign and tell their own conservation code to read between the lines.
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