The Colbert Report
Claim to the Arctic
Season 3 • 03/28/2007
Steven wants America to lay claim to both the Arctic and the Antarctic.
The Colbert ReportS3 Madeleine Albright
Though Stephen is excited for the imminent World War III, Madeleine Albright explains that Armageddon is not exactly a foreign policy.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sean Penn Unleashes on President Bush
Stephen challenges Sean Penn to a battle of the metaphors after Penn's attack on the president.
The Colbert ReportS3 Tip/Wag - Drug Dealers
Stephen wags his finger at drug dealers and tips his cap to GLAAD and mansheep.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 3/2707
Sean Penn insults the president, Stephen asks if we should go to war with Iran, and guest James Fallows discusses what went wrong in Iraq.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Going to Bed Angry
Stephen encourages his audience not to go to bed angry with each other.
The Colbert ReportS3 Jabari Asim
Stephen suggests blaming the pilgrims for the origin of the "N" Word.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Monkey Business
With scientists trying to prove that morality has a biological basis, Stephen thinks it's about time for religion to take things away from science.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 3/28/07
Stephen proves that evolution does not exist, says which countries are threatening America, and interviews author Jabari Asim.
The Colbert ReportS3 Dancing With the Stars
Stephen knows who's behind supermodel Paulina Porizkova getting voted off "Dancing With the Stars."
The Colbert ReportS3 The Axis of Evil of the Week
Italy exchanged five Taliban members for an Italian journalist, bestowing upon themselves the honor of being the third member of the Axis of Evil for the week.
The Colbert ReportS3 Claim to the Arctic
Since no one yet has territorial claims to the South Pole, Stephen suggests planting an American flag and a Colbert Nation flag.
The Colbert ReportS3 Equal Rights
Feminists can burn their bras, but they won't get the one Stephen's wearing.
The Colbert ReportS3 Alpha Dog of the Week - Toby
This week's Alpha Dog is an actual dog, who saved his owner's life by doing the Heimlich.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Lemon-Raid
We're not going to lose the Iraq war because for all we know, we may have already won.
The Colbert ReportS3 Clive James
Clive James, author of "Cultural Amnesia," asks Stephen if he has to put some thought into appearing so thoughtless.
The Colbert ReportS3 Nightgown Novel Model
If Stephen knows anything about the ladies, it's that they long to escape into a world of romance.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - It's Been Real
Stephen gives the audience a reality check.
The Colbert ReportS3 Strolling in Baghdad
John McCain claps his hands and believes that Baghdad is safe for Americans.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 3/29/07
Stephen discusses cultural amnesia with author Clive James and Congress tries to bring back the Equal Rights Amendment.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Goodnight, Ladies
Stephen says goodnight -- to the ladies.
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