The Colbert Report
Season 3 • 10/30/2007
Massie Ritsch gives Stephen pointers on how to raise campaign funds legally.
The Word - AbsinthetinenceThe Colbert ReportS3
America's youth: stay away from absinthe. It can damage your liver and kidneys and make you paint strange things.
Richard BermanThe Colbert ReportS3
Rick Berman and Stephen discuss why smoking, drinking, eating and skydiving shouldn't be regulated.
The Last InfographicThe Colbert ReportS3
It is a sad day in the news world, as USA Today prints its very last infographic, a chart showing which American streets are named after which candy.
Tip/Wag - Sleep DeprivationThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen tips his hat to The New York Times after his book hit number one, but wags his finger at neuroscientists at U.C. Berkeley for saying that people need sleep.
Intro - 10/29/07The Colbert ReportS3
The McCain campaign gets a technological boost, absinthe is in again, and guest Richard Berman opposes PETA and MADD.
Hail to the Cheese - Branded KillingsThe Colbert ReportS3
After John McCain told the people of Smith & Wesson that he would use their products to kill Osama bin Laden, Stephen does the same with Isotoner gloves, Cinnabon and Head On.
Sign Off - RocktoberThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen honors the Boston Red Sox for punishing the Colorado Rockies and preserving the sanctity of Rocktober by adding a rock and roll creche to his bookshelf.
Earth Attacks - Georgia DroughtThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen tells us why nature is a bigger threat to us than we are to it, and recommends that Georgia beat the drought by blasting their air conditioners 24 hours a day.
J. Craig VenterThe Colbert ReportS3
Scientist Craig Venter stops by to talk about genome decoding, the imperfections of God and what gives Stephen gas.
Intro - 10/30/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen takes a look at campaign finance laws, introduces a new segment in which polar bears were killed and speaks with Craig Venter about the genetics field.
Massie RitschThe Colbert ReportS3
After learning that having his campaign funded by Doritos may be illegal, Stephen invites Massie Ritsch to explain campaign funding to him.
Monkey on the Lam - Lobster EditionThe Colbert ReportS3
Last week in Germany, a pack of lobsters escaped from their crates and made a run for the ocean. Once recovered, however, the notoriously soft-hearted Germans didn't eat them.
The Word - Job DescriptionThe Colbert ReportS3
We've heard about immigration, health care, and who can say "9/11" five times fast with crackers in his mouth, but no candidate has given a job description of the presidency.
Democra-SEE, Democra-DO - ElectionsThe Colbert ReportS3
America is in the middle of an election, so of course other little countries are holding their own adorable little elections, too.
Hallo-WeeningThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wishes he could wish everyone a happy Halloween, but he doesn't believe in celebrating panhandling.
Obama's Grit-Off ChallengeThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen knew presidential politics could get personal, but he never guessed it would get as dirty as Barack Obama challenging him to a grit-off.
Intro - 10/31/07The Colbert ReportS3
Vladimir Putin's chances in elections around the world, how Bush reshaped the presidency, and proof of the old saying, "If at first you don't succeed, invade Iran."
Lawrence WilkersonThe Colbert ReportS3
Colonel Lawrence Wilkerson believes the upper strata of the Bush administration hijacked strategy in Iraq. Stephen asks who should have done so instead.
Hail to the Cheese - Donors ChooseThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen's campaign for president may be over, but you can still help him win.
Intro - 11/1/07The Colbert ReportS3
In tonight's episode, Stephen sits down with Walter Kirn and finds out if he's on the ballot as a Democrat.
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