The Colbert Report

Clasp Your Hands Say Yahweh

Season 5 • 05/07/2009

Stephen's not the only one with his Shroud of Turin in a bunch over Obama's bad attitude.

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04:48

Colbert-Branson Duel
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen challenges Richard Branson to a chicken fight with a couple of nude models on their backs.
05/06/2009
03:31

Tip/Wag - Forced Smoking & Grizzly Best Man
The Colbert ReportS5

The Gong'an county government in China orders its staff to smoke cigarettes, and a groom chooses a bear as his best man.
05/06/2009
04:47

Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Saudi Arabia
The Colbert ReportS5

Before his trip to the Persian Gulf, Stephen will pack clean underwear and swallow an Argentine shiraz-filled condom.
05/06/2009
00:38

Intro - 5/6/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama's approval numbers are at 67%, and public health expert Laurie Garrett is here to shed some light on the swine flu.
05/06/2009
00:20

Hug Your Television
The Colbert ReportS5

If you can't stand being apart from Stephen, pause the screen and hug your TV for 23 1/2 hours.
05/06/2009
00:34

Intro - 5/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

It's Bring Your Savior to Work Day, and Mitchell Joachim wants to build carbon-neutral cities.
05/07/2009
03:31

Smokin' Pole - The Fight for Arctic Riches: Inuit Nation
The Colbert ReportS5

Arctic nations rush to stake claims in polar territories, even though it clearly belongs to America -- Superman lives there.
05/07/2009
06:35

Mitchell Joachim
The Colbert ReportS5

Mitchell Joachim imagines soft cars and blimp bumper buses for cities in the future.
05/07/2009
00:14

Spay and Neuter Your Pets
The Colbert ReportS5

Remember, have your pets spayed or neutered. Animal members of the Colbert Nation: run!
05/07/2009
04:02

Sean Hannity's Liberty Tree
The Colbert ReportS5

Thank you, Sean Hannity, for taking us to the Liberty Tree instead of going miles out of the way to the Making Sense Bush.
05/07/2009
04:46

Clasp Your Hands Say Yahweh
The Colbert ReportS5

To compensate for President Obama's bad attitude, Stephen amps up his own National Day of Prayer prayer with his special Prayer Reportnalia and the Danciples.
05/07/2009
00:15

Sign Off - Unicorn Dealership
The Colbert ReportS5

If you dream about Stephen tonight, he'll see you at the unicorn dealership.
05/11/2009
00:30

Intro - 5/11/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Congress cracks down on credit card companies, and Jeff Daniels' Broadway play sounds like a great video game.
05/11/2009
02:53

Alpha Dog of the Week - Erik Slye
The Colbert ReportS5

The case of the Montana Legal System v. Dog's Ball Wrinkles sets a legal precedent.
05/11/2009
03:22

Stephen's Fancy Feast
The Colbert ReportS5

When Stephen sends his assistant to get pate, she only brings back the fanciest of feasts.
05/11/2009
04:05

Credit Card Industry Regulation - Tamara Draut
The Colbert ReportS5

Tamara Draut believes industry regulation is necessary now that Americans are using credit for basic necessities.
05/11/2009
03:36

Credit Check
The Colbert ReportS5

Credit card companies are part of an honest industry just trying to make 30% on a buck.
05/11/2009
04:29

Jeff Daniels
The Colbert ReportS5

Jeff Daniels' explains how the play "God of Carnage" shows what happens once the mask of civility is taken away.
05/11/2009
01:35

Howard's End
The Colbert ReportS5

The Vatican's hesitation to boycott Ron Howard's movie, "Angels & Demons," shocks and dismays Stephen.
05/12/2009
00:32

Intro - 5/12/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The embargo on Cuba could be lifted, and Ron Howard discusses his directorial work on the most anti-Catholic film since "Sister Act 2."
05/12/2009
03:42

Cuba/US Trade Relations - Julia Sweig
The Colbert ReportS5

Julia Sweig explains why America should bother opening trade relations with Cuba.
05/12/2009
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