The Colbert Report

Intro - 4/21/09

Season 5 • 04/21/2009

The CIA torture memos are like the greatest hits of our greatest hits.

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Watching

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00:16

Stephen's Only Regrets
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen's only regret is all the great stuff that was cut out because the audience wouldn't stop cheering.
04/20/2009
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03:17

Anger's Aweigh
The Colbert ReportS5

Granting vigilantes the right to shoot pirates on the high seas is the free market at its best.
04/20/2009
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03:51

Tip/Wag - Texas Secession & MACA
The Colbert ReportS5

Texas Governor Rick Perry wants to secede, and MACA urges the Obamas to use pesticides in their organic garden.
04/20/2009
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00:34

Intro - 4/20/09
The Colbert ReportS5

How to deal with the scourge of piracy -- if only there were a form of transportation besides boats.
04/20/2009
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01:56

Castro Death Wish List
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to force feed Castro hot dogs and make him watch "This Week with George Stephanopoulos."
04/20/2009
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06:32

The Word - Stressed Position
The Colbert ReportS5

Americans will get justice for torture without making any of the good guys pay the price.
04/21/2009
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03:12

George Will's Demon Denim
The Colbert ReportS5

George Will launches a righteous attack against Satan's denim leg tubes.
04/21/2009
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03:44

Who's Riding My Coattails Now? - Blown Away by the USA
The Colbert ReportS5

Act now and receive Stephen's patriotic CD collection: "Blown Away by the USA," "Stunned by the States" and "Flabbergasted by the Flag."
04/21/2009
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05:22

Mike Krzyzewski
The Colbert ReportS5

Mike Krzyzewski differentiates between teamwork and socialism.
04/21/2009
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00:17

Special DVD Commentary
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen offers special DVD commentary for those who recorded tonight's show and burned it onto a DVD.
04/21/2009
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00:29

Intro - 4/21/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama releases CIA torture memos. It's like the greatest hits of our greatest hits.
04/21/2009
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06:00

Ira Glass
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to know if Ira Glass will be just as lifeless hosting a live cinema performance as he is on the radio.
04/22/2009
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00:35

Intro - 4/22/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama returns from the Summit of the Americas, and Stephen looks forward to making fun of Ira Glass' glasses.
04/22/2009
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02:03

"The Price Is Right" Goes Green
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen bids less than a dollar on environmentally friendly prizes.
04/22/2009
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05:33

Summit of All Fears
The Colbert ReportS5

Esteban Colberto believes Barack Obama has bigger plantains to fry than the Summit of the Americas.
04/22/2009
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05:32

Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Qatar
The Colbert ReportS5

Alcohol and pornography aren't allowed in Qatar, but they didn't say anything about O'Doul's and the Talbots catalogue.
04/22/2009
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00:12

Never Go to Bed Angry
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't go to bed angry. Stephen will do that for you.
04/22/2009
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00:10

Goodnight, Daisy
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen bids goodnight to Daisy the Cow.
04/23/2009
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05:14

The Word - Brunt Double
The Colbert ReportS5

Until we can all agree on whom we should be angry at, tearing each other apart is the best plan we've got.
04/23/2009
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00:39

Intro - 4/23/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Who is to blame for the economic crisis? If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, the ducks probably did it.
04/23/2009
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03:27

Illegitimate Grandson of an Alligator
The Colbert ReportS5

Have you heard the rumor that Bill Posey's grandmother had her alligator baby out of wedlock?
04/23/2009
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