The Colbert Report
Intro - 4/21/09
Season 5 • 04/21/2009
The CIA torture memos are like the greatest hits of our greatest hits.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen's Only Regrets
Stephen's only regret is all the great stuff that was cut out because the audience wouldn't stop cheering.
The Colbert ReportS5 Anger's Aweigh
Granting vigilantes the right to shoot pirates on the high seas is the free market at its best.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tip/Wag - Texas Secession & MACA
Texas Governor Rick Perry wants to secede, and MACA urges the Obamas to use pesticides in their organic garden.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/20/09
How to deal with the scourge of piracy -- if only there were a form of transportation besides boats.
The Colbert ReportS5 Castro Death Wish List
Stephen wants to force feed Castro hot dogs and make him watch "This Week with George Stephanopoulos."
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Stressed Position
Americans will get justice for torture without making any of the good guys pay the price.
The Colbert ReportS5 George Will's Demon Denim
George Will launches a righteous attack against Satan's denim leg tubes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Who's Riding My Coattails Now? - Blown Away by the USA
Act now and receive Stephen's patriotic CD collection: "Blown Away by the USA," "Stunned by the States" and "Flabbergasted by the Flag."
The Colbert ReportS5 Mike Krzyzewski
Mike Krzyzewski differentiates between teamwork and socialism.
The Colbert ReportS5 Special DVD Commentary
Stephen offers special DVD commentary for those who recorded tonight's show and burned it onto a DVD.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/21/09
President Obama releases CIA torture memos. It's like the greatest hits of our greatest hits.
The Colbert ReportS5 Ira Glass
Stephen wants to know if Ira Glass will be just as lifeless hosting a live cinema performance as he is on the radio.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/22/09
President Obama returns from the Summit of the Americas, and Stephen looks forward to making fun of Ira Glass' glasses.
The Colbert ReportS5 "The Price Is Right" Goes Green
Stephen bids less than a dollar on environmentally friendly prizes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Summit of All Fears
Esteban Colberto believes Barack Obama has bigger plantains to fry than the Summit of the Americas.
The Colbert ReportS5 Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Qatar
Alcohol and pornography aren't allowed in Qatar, but they didn't say anything about O'Doul's and the Talbots catalogue.
The Colbert ReportS5 Never Go to Bed Angry
Don't go to bed angry. Stephen will do that for you.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Brunt Double
Until we can all agree on whom we should be angry at, tearing each other apart is the best plan we've got.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/23/09
Who is to blame for the economic crisis? If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, the ducks probably did it.
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