The Colbert Report
Sign Off - VACSA-TERN
Season 9 • 01/08/2013
Stephen swigs Jay the Intern's youthful blood.
Blood in the Water - Bill O'Reilly's Racial InsensitivityThe Colbert ReportS9
Wikipedia's elephants page has more protection than elephants, and the liberal media twists Bill O'Reilly's compliment about Asians.
Jimmy WalesThe Colbert ReportS9
Wikipedia co-founder Jimmy Wales explains operating costs, censorship in China and the budding Wikivoyager.
Fiscal Cliff Deal & DisincentivesThe Colbert ReportS9
Republicans accept President Obama's tax hikes on the wealthy, but luckily this horrible deal contains a few loopholes.
Stephen's Holiday BreakThe Colbert ReportS9
Stephen spends the first six days of vacation just going to the bathroom.
Cheating Death - Rage & Blood TransfusionsThe Colbert ReportS9
People naturally blessed with soul-choking bitterness live longer than the terminally calm, and drinking young blood is a great alternative to exercising.
Bin Laden Film ControversyThe Colbert ReportS9
Since America is long overdue for a thorough investigation into its use of torture in movies, the Senate Intelligence Committee goes after "Zero Dark Thirty."
Chris KluweThe Colbert ReportS9
Chris Kluwe explains the punter's role and reiterates his support for pro-gay Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo.
Postage Price HikeThe Colbert ReportS9
The USPS Forever Stamp goes up by one penny, which proves the government can't do anything right.
Intro - 1/8/13The Colbert ReportS9
Science finds the key to a long, healthy life, "Zero Dark Thirty" stirs up controversy, and NFL punter Chris Kluwe discusses gay rights advocacy.
Sign Off - VACSA-TERNThe Colbert ReportS9
Stephen sips on the blood of the young and admires himself in the mirror.
Neil ShubinThe Colbert ReportS9
The biological scientist shares his book, "The Universe Within: Discovering the Common History of Rocks, Planets, and People."
Gun Control BacklashThe Colbert ReportS9
Schools work armed officers into their prom themes, and former NRA President Marion Hammer knows that outlawing assault weapons is just another form of discrimination.
Intro - 1/9/13The Colbert ReportS9
America considers gun control, a troubling food addiction surfaces, and paleontologist Neil Shubin finds the missing link between sea and land creatures.
Idaho's Walled & Armed CommunityThe Colbert ReportS9
An exciting real estate opportunity boasts family shooting ranges, a firearms factory and safety from federal thugs.
Sign Off - McGnaw the Gluten-Free BeaverThe Colbert ReportS9
Stephen says goodnight and gnaws on McGnaw's piece of wood.
Thought for Food - Wheat AddictionsThe Colbert ReportS9
America gets hooked on a new substance that's just as addictive as crack: a loaf of bread.
Roadside Sofa BoningThe Colbert ReportS9
A 46-year-old man is arrested for having sex with a couch, so public schools start teaching safe sex with plastic slipcovers.
Benjamin GibbardThe Colbert ReportS9
The lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie discusses his relatively universal solo album, "Former Lives."
Obama's Failed Second TermThe Colbert ReportS9
President Obama is turning out the way white males wanted him to, and Jack Lew's sloppy signature will make America's currency a laughingstock.
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