The Colbert Report

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Season 9 • 01/08/2013

Stephen swigs Jay the Intern's youthful blood.

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05:30

Blood in the Water - Bill O'Reilly's Racial Insensitivity
The Colbert ReportS9

Wikipedia's elephants page has more protection than elephants, and the liberal media twists Bill O'Reilly's compliment about Asians.
01/07/2013
04:59

Jimmy Wales
The Colbert ReportS9

Wikipedia co-founder Jimmy Wales explains operating costs, censorship in China and the budding Wikivoyager.
01/07/2013
00:07

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen says goodnight.
01/07/2013
02:44

Fiscal Cliff Deal & Disincentives
The Colbert ReportS9

Republicans accept President Obama's tax hikes on the wealthy, but luckily this horrible deal contains a few loopholes.
01/07/2013
02:53

Stephen's Holiday Break
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen spends the first six days of vacation just going to the bathroom.
01/07/2013
07:05

Cheating Death - Rage & Blood Transfusions
The Colbert ReportS9

People naturally blessed with soul-choking bitterness live longer than the terminally calm, and drinking young blood is a great alternative to exercising.
01/08/2013
04:08

Bin Laden Film Controversy
The Colbert ReportS9

Since America is long overdue for a thorough investigation into its use of torture in movies, the Senate Intelligence Committee goes after "Zero Dark Thirty."
01/08/2013
05:58

Chris Kluwe
The Colbert ReportS9

Chris Kluwe explains the punter's role and reiterates his support for pro-gay Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo.
01/08/2013
02:27

Postage Price Hike
The Colbert ReportS9

The USPS Forever Stamp goes up by one penny, which proves the government can't do anything right.
01/08/2013
00:38

Intro - 1/8/13
The Colbert ReportS9

Science finds the key to a long, healthy life, "Zero Dark Thirty" stirs up controversy, and NFL punter Chris Kluwe discusses gay rights advocacy.
01/08/2013
00:13

Sign Off - VACSA-TERN
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen sips on the blood of the young and admires himself in the mirror.
01/08/2013
05:19

Neil Shubin
The Colbert ReportS9

The biological scientist shares his book, "The Universe Within: Discovering the Common History of Rocks, Planets, and People."
01/09/2013
04:51

Gun Control Backlash
The Colbert ReportS9

Schools work armed officers into their prom themes, and former NRA President Marion Hammer knows that outlawing assault weapons is just another form of discrimination.
01/09/2013
00:32

Intro - 1/9/13
The Colbert ReportS9

America considers gun control, a troubling food addiction surfaces, and paleontologist Neil Shubin finds the missing link between sea and land creatures.
01/09/2013
03:38

Idaho's Walled & Armed Community
The Colbert ReportS9

An exciting real estate opportunity boasts family shooting ranges, a firearms factory and safety from federal thugs.
01/09/2013
00:09

Sign Off - McGnaw the Gluten-Free Beaver
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen says goodnight and gnaws on McGnaw's piece of wood.
01/09/2013
06:18

Thought for Food - Wheat Addictions
The Colbert ReportS9

America gets hooked on a new substance that's just as addictive as crack: a loaf of bread.
01/09/2013
03:00

Roadside Sofa Boning
The Colbert ReportS9

A 46-year-old man is arrested for having sex with a couch, so public schools start teaching safe sex with plastic slipcovers.
01/10/2013
03:43

Benjamin Gibbard
The Colbert ReportS9

The lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie discusses his relatively universal solo album, "Former Lives."
01/10/2013
05:19

Obama's Failed Second Term
The Colbert ReportS9

President Obama is turning out the way white males wanted him to, and Jack Lew's sloppy signature will make America's currency a laughingstock.
01/10/2013
04:36

Tip/Wag - HAPIfork & Kevin Garnett
The Colbert ReportS9

A consumer technology keeps people from consuming, and Kevin Garnett dishes out some Hefty brand trash talk.
01/10/2013
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