The Colbert Report
Sign Off - VACSA-TERN
Season 9 • 01/08/2013
Stephen swigs Jay the Intern's youthful blood.
The Colbert ReportS9 Blood in the Water - Bill O'Reilly's Racial Insensitivity
Wikipedia's elephants page has more protection than elephants, and the liberal media twists Bill O'Reilly's compliment about Asians.
The Colbert ReportS9 Jimmy Wales
Wikipedia co-founder Jimmy Wales explains operating costs, censorship in China and the budding Wikivoyager.
The Colbert ReportS9 Fiscal Cliff Deal & Disincentives
Republicans accept President Obama's tax hikes on the wealthy, but luckily this horrible deal contains a few loopholes.
The Colbert ReportS9 Stephen's Holiday Break
Stephen spends the first six days of vacation just going to the bathroom.
The Colbert ReportS9 Cheating Death - Rage & Blood Transfusions
People naturally blessed with soul-choking bitterness live longer than the terminally calm, and drinking young blood is a great alternative to exercising.
The Colbert ReportS9 Bin Laden Film Controversy
Since America is long overdue for a thorough investigation into its use of torture in movies, the Senate Intelligence Committee goes after "Zero Dark Thirty."
The Colbert ReportS9 Chris Kluwe
Chris Kluwe explains the punter's role and reiterates his support for pro-gay Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo.
The Colbert ReportS9 Postage Price Hike
The USPS Forever Stamp goes up by one penny, which proves the government can't do anything right.
The Colbert ReportS9 Intro - 1/8/13
Science finds the key to a long, healthy life, "Zero Dark Thirty" stirs up controversy, and NFL punter Chris Kluwe discusses gay rights advocacy.
The Colbert ReportS9 Sign Off - VACSA-TERN
Stephen sips on the blood of the young and admires himself in the mirror.
The Colbert ReportS9 Neil Shubin
The biological scientist shares his book, "The Universe Within: Discovering the Common History of Rocks, Planets, and People."
The Colbert ReportS9 Gun Control Backlash
Schools work armed officers into their prom themes, and former NRA President Marion Hammer knows that outlawing assault weapons is just another form of discrimination.
The Colbert ReportS9 Intro - 1/9/13
America considers gun control, a troubling food addiction surfaces, and paleontologist Neil Shubin finds the missing link between sea and land creatures.
The Colbert ReportS9 Idaho's Walled & Armed Community
An exciting real estate opportunity boasts family shooting ranges, a firearms factory and safety from federal thugs.
The Colbert ReportS9 Sign Off - McGnaw the Gluten-Free Beaver
Stephen says goodnight and gnaws on McGnaw's piece of wood.
The Colbert ReportS9 Thought for Food - Wheat Addictions
America gets hooked on a new substance that's just as addictive as crack: a loaf of bread.
The Colbert ReportS9 Roadside Sofa Boning
A 46-year-old man is arrested for having sex with a couch, so public schools start teaching safe sex with plastic slipcovers.
The Colbert ReportS9 Benjamin Gibbard
The lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie discusses his relatively universal solo album, "Former Lives."
The Colbert ReportS9 Obama's Failed Second Term
President Obama is turning out the way white males wanted him to, and Jack Lew's sloppy signature will make America's currency a laughingstock.
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