The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 06/22/2009
Simon Schama believes America's future is bright.
Bears & Balls - Tobacco, Project Natal & Graveyard BidsThe Colbert ReportS5
President Obama outlaws flavored cigarettes, Microsoft introduces Project Natal, and a graveyard accepts bids.
Intro - 6/18/09The Colbert ReportS5
Someone finally agrees to accept Gitmo detainees, and Stephen nails poet Paul Muldoon.
Paul MuldoonThe Colbert ReportS5
Paul Muldoon and Stephen recite "Tea" together to help it become the number one poem in America.
Sign Off - Law & Order PreviewThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen thanks Jeff Goldblum for stopping by and reveals a little preview of "Law & Order: Criminal Intent."
Murder in the White House - Jeff GoldblumThe Colbert ReportS5
Jeff Goldblum demands an apology from Barack Obama for his brutal act of violence against a fly.
Sign Off - Stephen Suffers, TooThe Colbert ReportS5
Once the audience leaves, Stephen waits in the chair till the next show starts.
Intro - 6/22/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen suggests punching randomly until we find the enemy among us, and Simon Schama writes a history of the future of America.
The Smell of Freedom - Jeff GoldblumThe Colbert ReportS5
Jeff Goldblum stands up for Zicam because nobody can take away the sweet smell of freedom.
The Enemy Within - Cane FuThe Colbert ReportS5
Like a danger pig rooting out fear truffles, Stephen profiles Mark Shuey, creator of the Cane Fu combat system turning America's seniors into killing machines.
Zicam RecallThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen doesn't understand why the FDA would crack down on an unregulated heavy metal that you spray in your nose and can cause permanent damage.
Simon SchamaThe Colbert ReportS5
Simon Schama admits that out of all the countries' histories he's covered, the United States has the greatest.
America's Health Plan-DemicThe Colbert ReportS5
The House Republicans' health care reform plan is practical in that it's practically three pages long and has no numbers.
Governor Alert - The Search for Mark SanfordThe Colbert ReportS5
As his first act as governor of South Carolina, Stephen calls off the search for Mark Sanford.
Barack Obama's Response to IranThe Colbert ReportS5
Critics call for President Obama to get involved in the Iranian elections, boldly and loudly, with the fist of the Statue of Liberty.
America's Health Plan-Demic - Howard DeanThe Colbert ReportS5
Howard Dean believes the American government can pay for a public health insurance option because it will generate more jobs.
David KilcullenThe Colbert ReportS5
David Kilcullen fights wars by taking a local approach to combat smaller guerrilla movements.
Intro - 6/24/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Jonas Brothers don't abstain from making awesome rock, and Matthew Crawford believes in working with his hands.
Sport Report - Soccer, Tennis & Brett FavreThe Colbert ReportS5
The U.S. soccer team beats Spain, Wimbledon fights match fixing, and Brett Favre wants to join the Minnesota Vikings.
Matthew CrawfordThe Colbert ReportS5
Matthew Crawford explores the dichotomy between "knowledge" work and manual labor.
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