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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Intro - 5/18/09
Season 5 • 05/18/2009
There's a problem with closing Gitmo. Evidently you can't just leave the prisoners there.
More
Watching
05:03
Yahweh or No Way - Father Cutie & Miss California
The Colbert Report
S5
God wants priests to be celibate, and Miss California, Carrie Prejean, might be the second coming.
05/14/2009
01:26
Caveman Porn Stash
The Colbert Report
S5
German archaeologists discover a caveman's porn sculpture 35,000 years after he dies.
05/14/2009
03:41
DonorsChoose.org Donations
The Colbert Report
S5
The five branches of the military are in a tight race for your donations, and kids from the schools you're funding send Stephen their art.
05/14/2009
00:31
Intro - 5/14/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Donald Trump allows Miss California to keep her crown, the DonorsChoose competition continues, and Yusuf performs.
05/14/2009
05:00
Yusuf
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen calls Yusuf a coward while telling him he loves him at the same time.
05/14/2009
04:53
The Word - Tough Cell
The Colbert Report
S5
Instead of putting Al Qaeda terrorists in our neighborhoods, we can send them to Dick Cheney's ranch.
05/18/2009
05:47
Meghan McCain
The Colbert Report
S5
Meghan McCain loves the Republican Party and wants to save it from the people trying to make it more extreme.
05/18/2009
05:24
ThreatDown - Charity, Casual Jesus & Robot Teachers
The Colbert Report
S5
The Christian Children's Fund changes its name, Jesus goes casual, and Japan unveils a scary robot teacher.
05/18/2009
00:13
Sign Off - Internal Clock
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen's internal clock is telling him it's time to go.
05/18/2009
02:27
Welcome to the Real World, Obama
The Colbert Report
S5
To join the conservative real world, Obama will need a magical unicorn, a dictionary and proof that global warming doesn't exist.
05/18/2009
00:31
Intro - 5/18/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Evidently, you can't leave prisoners at Gitmo, and the Christian Children's Foundation changes its name.
05/18/2009
01:45
Rumsfeld's Cover Letter Bible Quotes
The Colbert Report
S5
Rumsfeld put Bible quotes on his cover pages for President Bush because war briefings are a snooze without a little pizzazz.
05/19/2009
06:24
Walter Kirn
The Colbert Report
S5
Walter Kirn believes that putting Ivy League schools like Princeton on the web would show those attending state schools they're not inferior.
05/19/2009
00:09
Stephen's Show
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for the show -- Stephen's show.
05/19/2009
00:32
Intro - 5/19/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Republicans find a way to make us love them again, and a Difference Maker stands up to the government.
05/19/2009
04:49
The Word - I Know You Are But What Am I?
The Colbert Report
S5
If the Republicans really want people to go against the Democrats, they'll need a name that instantly turns people off.
05/19/2009
06:24
Difference Makers - Stephen Keith
The Colbert Report
S5
Government regulation strangles Tombstone, AZ until actor Stephen Keith fires back with fake guns.
05/19/2009
00:33
Intro - 5/20/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Torture memo author John Yoo gets a newspaper column, and Nancy Pelosi says the CIA lied to her.
05/20/2009
06:02
Seth Shostak
The Colbert Report
S5
Seth Shostak believes that, unless Earth is a miracle, there is most likely life among the trillion planets.
05/20/2009
00:04
Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for The Report, everybody.
05/20/2009
06:56
She Said, CIA Said - Bob Graham
The Colbert Report
S5
Bob Graham's diary doesn't say anything about the CIA briefing him on waterboarding.
05/20/2009
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A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
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01:41
This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Cursed Friends
Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022
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Out of Office Explores Remote Work Absurdity
Out of Office
A young woman experiences the bizarre extremes of working from home in the film Out of Office, starring Milana Vayntrub, Ken Jeong, Jay Pharoah, Cheri Oteri, Jason Alexander and more.
09/19/2022
Trailer
00:35
A Front Row Seat to South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert
South Park
S25
Sing along to silly songs and classic symphonies from the show on South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert, premiering August 13 at 10/9c.
07/27/2022
Trailer
00:29
Diwali Gets Wild in Hot Mess Holiday
Hot Mess Holiday
Melanie Chandra and Surina Jindal embark on a zany weekend adventure during Diwali in the Comedy Central original movie Hot Mess Holiday, now streaming.
12/20/2021