The Colbert Report

Perfect Polly

Season 9 • 09/04/2013

Telebrands, maker of the Pasta Boat, markets a battery-powered parakeet for lonely people.

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03:06

Stephen's Science Project & Chemical Weapons in Syria
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen researches the effects of black truffle fettuccine, and Bashar al-Assad kills more than 1,400 civilians with chemical weapons.
09/03/2013
05:12

Timothy Dolan Pt. 1
The Colbert ReportS9

Timothy Cardinal Dolan discusses his e-book, "Praying in Rome: Reflections on the Conclave and Electing Pope Francis."
09/03/2013
00:33

Intro - 9/3/13
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen returns from vacation, preps for Better Know a District and welcomes the Archbishop of New York, Timothy Dolan.
09/03/2013
03:32

Timothy Dolan Pt. 2
The Colbert ReportS9

Timothy Cardinal Dolan talks about Pope Francis' views on homosexuality and elaborate clothing.
09/03/2013
07:39

Better Know a District - Michigan's 5th - Dan Kildee
The Colbert ReportS9

Freshman Congressman Dan Kildee thinks lesbian Latinas from Minnesota should have all their rights respected in the workplace.
09/03/2013
04:48

Gary England
The Colbert ReportS9

Meteorologist Gary England locates Tornado Alley on a map and defends residents of Oklahoma.
09/04/2013
04:44

Cris-Ish in Syri-Eh - Steve Coll
The Colbert ReportS9

Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Steve Coll details President Obama's "limited military action" plan for Syria.
09/04/2013
00:07

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen spins out of his chair.
09/04/2013
00:34

Intro - 9/4/13
The Colbert ReportS9

Congress debates taking action in Syria, technology breeds robotic companions, and meteorologist Gary England knows tornados.
09/04/2013
05:47

Cris-Ish in Syri-Eh
The Colbert ReportS9

Only 29% of Americans want the U.S. to attack Syria -- which, on the plus side, means that 29% of Americans know there is a place called Syria.
09/04/2013
04:54

Perfect Polly
The Colbert ReportS9

A plastic parakeet brings retirees all the joy of owning a real parakeet -- like chirping, perching and more chirping.
09/04/2013
03:30

John Prine
The Colbert ReportS9

Folk legend John Prine recalls his time working as a mailman and explains why he's opposed to twerking.
09/05/2013
03:34

cOlbert's Book Club & The Couch Bunker
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen assigns any book by J.D. Salinger except "Catcher in the Rye" and touts the latest product in home protection.
09/05/2013
00:35

Intro - 9/5/13
The Colbert ReportS9

Christine Quinn and Bill de Blasio vie for New York City mayor, gun owners get good news, and acoustic legend John Prine joins Stephen.
09/05/2013
05:00

Kitten Subway Crisis & The New York City Mayoral Race
The Colbert ReportS9

Mayoral candidate Joe Lhota goes after the key anti-kitten demographic after two lost kittens shut down America's largest transportation system.
09/05/2013
04:40

Smile File - Ariel Castro & The Eric Bolling Sunshine Express
The Colbert ReportS9

Fox News' Eric Bolling recommends that more prisoners should hang themselves like Ariel Castro to save taxpayer dollars.
09/05/2013
02:52

Egypt's Stork Bust
The Colbert ReportS9

With tensions running high in Egypt, everyone suspects everyone else of espionage, including birds.
09/09/2013
03:04

Ronald Reagan on the Syrian Conflict
The Colbert ReportS9

Conservatives like Bill O'Reilly have an unconditional ability to know what Super Reagan would do at any given time.
09/09/2013
05:59

Billie Jean King
The Colbert ReportS9

Tennis legend Billie Jean King talks about her 1973 "Battle of the Sexes" match against Bobby Riggs.
09/09/2013
04:57

Tip/Wag - Iowa, Bigger Pants & Recent Articles
The Colbert ReportS9

Disability rights activists support gun permits for the blind, bigger pants make Stephen feel thinner, and recent articles ruin the fun in dissected human cadavers.
09/09/2013
03:42

Syrian Conflict Action Plan
The Colbert ReportS9

Congress knows that the only thing less popular than attacking Syria is Congress, so clearly, Congress must approve an attack on Syria.
09/09/2013
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