The Colbert Report
ThreatDown - Scottish Surgeons
Season 3 • 07/30/2007
Scottish surgeons grafted skin from sharks onto a failed suicide bomber, leading to a future of shark-terrorist hybrids.
Intro - 7/26/07The Colbert ReportS3
North Dakota seeks to legalize hemp farming, a goddess is stripped of her title, and Stephen asks Robert Shrum whether he advised Kerry to flip or to flop.
Bob ShrumThe Colbert ReportS3
Democratic campaign strategist Bob Shrum wants to know if Stephen's wrist injury has made him reconsider his position on universal health care.
Industrial Hemp & Medical Marijuana - Aaron HoustonThe Colbert ReportS3
Medical marijuana advocate Aaron Houston tells Stephen the only thing you'd get from smoking hemp is the headache of your life.
Advice to the Gods - Nepalese Pre-Teen GoddessesThe Colbert ReportS3
A top Kumari -- a pre-teen girl Nepalese Buddhists worship as a goddess -- was recently stripped of her divinity for visiting the United States.
How Did Stephen Break His Wrist?The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen's left wrist is in a cast, though there's some confusion about what might have caused the injury.
Wrist Violence - GlorificationThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen dispels the rumor that he injured his wrist while punching out Korean strongman Kim Jong-il.
Evan OsnosThe Colbert ReportS3
Chicago Tribune's Beijing Bureau Chief, Evan Osnos, argues that the American demand for cashmere has caused pollution clouds to travel from China to American soil.
The Word - SolidarityThe Colbert ReportS3
By hiring the homeless to picket for them, carpenters are protesting low wages and no benefits with low wages and no benefits.
Pollution ImmigrationThe Colbert ReportS3
Polluted air from Asia, or "kung fumes," are taking away emphysema-related deaths from hardworking American pollutants.
Intro - 7/30/07The Colbert ReportS3
In this episode, Stephen suggests a new picketing strategy for unions, looks at botulism in our chili and interviews Chicago Tribune's Beijing Bureau Chief, Evan Osnos.
ThreatDown - Scottish SurgeonsThe Colbert ReportS3
Thanks to Scottish surgeons, the only way America can protect its ports is by crossbreeding dolphins with Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff.
The Word - Special ProsecutorThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen argues that if Alberto Gonzales believes what he is saying, then technically, it's not perjury.
Sport Report - Barry BondsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen defends Barry Bonds' alleged drug use, gambles his money away in the Saudi Arabia and Iraq soccer game and talks about a racing greyhound that's named after him.
Rupert Murdoch Purchases The Wall Street JournalThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wonders if Rupert Murdoch has instead taken over Reuters, who were first to report the story.
Wrist Violence EpidemicThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen continues to attack films that show wrist violence and calls on Hollywood to stop showing such acts.
Smokin' Pole - Arc! Who Goes There?The Colbert ReportS3
Now is the time for America to deploy its undersea army of hermit crabs to fight back Russia from claiming the North Pole.
Kathleen Kennedy TownsendThe Colbert ReportS3
Kathleen Kennedy Townsend explains how the Christian Right has shrunk God and made America not care about the common good.
Intro - 7/31/07The Colbert ReportS3
In this episode, Russia lays claim to the North Pole, Democrats accuse Alberto Gonzales of perjury and guest Kathleen Kennedy Townsend talks about what happens when you mix politics and religion.
The Word - College CreditThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is all in favor of a new system of charging higher tuition for certain college majors and has some additional ideas of his own.
When Animals Attack Our Morals - Hollywood PigeonsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen recommends that Hollywood stop putting their pigeons on the pill and start teaching an abstinence-only curriculum.
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