The Colbert Report
The Word - The Money Shot
Season 5 • 11/12/2009
The government should stop minting cash and start making bullets.
Sign Off - Stephen's Fight With Christopher CaldwellThe Colbert ReportS5
The show went well except for the violent fistfight Stephen had with Christopher Caldwell that had to be edited out.
Christopher CaldwellThe Colbert ReportS5
Christopher Caldwell says unassimilated Muslim immigrants have disrupted European relations between ethnic groups and the sexes.
Grover the HillThe Colbert ReportS5
America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.
Goldman Sachs Does God's WorkThe Colbert ReportS5
Despite collecting the highest salary on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein never forgets he's a blue-collar guy doing God's work.
Tip/Wag - San Francisco Chronicle & George ClintonThe Colbert ReportS5
The San Francisco Chronicle prints on glossy paper, and the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rules in favor of George Clinton.
Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' AudienceThe Colbert ReportS5
In punditry, like in "Highlander," there can be only one Lou Dobbs, so Stephen claims his audience after Dobbs quits CNN.
Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's HeadThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
Miracle Whip Buys Ad SpaceThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is going to buy more delicious mayonnaise with the money from Miracle Whip's advertising.
Sport Report - Cricket Scandal & Letter-Writing CampaignThe Colbert ReportS5
A cricket coach encourages his players to have sex before matches, and Stephen starts his Canadian "Don't Be an Ice-Hole" letter-writing campaign.
Woody HarrelsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Woody Harrelson shows his support for the troops by allowing Stephen to shave his head.
The Word - The Money ShotThe Colbert ReportS5
If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Joe PerryThe Colbert ReportS5
Joe Perry has always been the face of Aerosmith -- you just might not know it because his hair is often in the way.
Intro - 11/16/09The Colbert ReportS5
Aerosmith breaks up to pursue separate nursing homes, and Paul Goldberger discusses Stephen's favorite architect, Mike Brady.
The Word - Skeletons in the ClosetThe Colbert ReportS5
How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
Sign Off - Good Morning, BurmaThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen says good morning to anybody watching from Burma, and congratulations on owning a TV.
Obama Bows to Japanese EmperorThe Colbert ReportS5
President Obama brings great shame upon America by taking a deep bow to the emperor of Japan.
Paul GoldbergerThe Colbert ReportS5
Paul Goldberger says buildings bring out our emotions and are part of our most profound memories.
Kid Gloves - Marc KielburgerThe Colbert ReportS5
Marc Kielburger attempts to break the cycle of poverty by taking kids out of child labor and putting them in school.
Better Know a District - California's 12th - Jackie SpeierThe Colbert ReportS5
Representative Jackie Speier defends gay rights and shoots a viral skateboarding video for YouTube with Stephen.
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